I just need to vent into the tumblr void. don’t mind me
My anxiety level is way up currently. Owning a business is probably not for me. Too much stress.
We just had an audi R8 in our place, which cost 50000€ approximately. My bf polished it and damaged a little piece. I saw it, nobody else saw it (not even him) for now. I didn’t say anything, and the owner didn’t notice. I’m anxiously waiting for the call to tell me that that mark wasn’t there before… so that’s the first thing.
Last week i had to wash a Lotus, which is also an expensive car. Since i fell and broke my arm and spained my knee at the end of may, i had someone to help me. But like i said, it was an expensive car, so i was the one who cleaned the outside with the glove and who put the wax on after. (Because i noticed stain on others cars we did the weeks before when my substitute did it). But the owner of the car called to say that they were scratches on the hood that wasn’t there before and said he will not come again. I feel so bad.
Next thing is, we also have some car to rent, but it’s not ours, it’s a partnership with a renting company. While i do have to clean those cars sometimes, with my own business i don’t always have the time to take care of it. I do the cars when i can but i admit, i don’t really do the trucks because it’s a pain in the ass to move and clean and park again. So when the boss of the renting company came to take back one of the truck and it was (a bit) dirty, he made a not so friendly remark about it. My fault, again, i know.
We also have someone who comes to lay tinted glasses on cars. And he keeps making them very badly. They all have dust or bubbles in it. So people came back to me to complain. It really happened a lot those last months. Not my fault but i still have to handle the issues.
Add to that, that this year is a bit weird. It’s only our 2 years, and last year (our first) was good! I worked a lot from February to October! Now this year, everything was so quiet until April, and even now it’s still a bit slow. We are almost 3000€ behind compared to last year. It’s not that much but it’s on my mind all the time. I feel like we’re not gonna make enough money this year. And i’m not being paid! Next year, we are supposed to start giving me a salary but with things like that it won’t be possible!
On one hand i think if it doesn’t work out, it would be a relief. And i would be able to find something else to do.
But on the other hand, it would be such a failure. Not sure our relationship could passed that (my bf and i are associates, but he still works at is other job and i take care of everything in the company) so he’ll probably say i’m the one who bankrupt the company. And he’ll probably be right. We accepted to buy the company because i said i wanted to (because i couldn’t find a job) so now i can’t say i don’t wanna do it anymore.
The only way i could be happy again is if i win at the lottery. Honestly, i don’t want that job anymore, i’m not doing it correctly apparently anyway but i can’t say so. I’m fed up with human interactions. I know i have to learn how to take criticism on my work (which are most of the time true) so i can be in peace. It’s just so hard physically and mentally.
I can’t see a happy ending for now. Either the company goes down (which isn’t a good thing) or i’ll go down and probably do a burnout at some point.
I’ll have some holidays at the end of July, 5 days alone with only my dog and my cats! I look forward to it so much. Hope i’ll still be mentally stable by then.