stardust. don't think about it.
Send, "Don't think about it!" for sender to help receiver break out of a flashback.
Just looking at the leaves makes your skin itch. You remember. Better than you should. Want to. You look at the tree, and... strangely enough... you swear you see yourself at the top of it. With Loop. Like before.
Before. Haha. Right. You're blinded, briefly, horrifically, just like before. That horrible flash. You feel it. First in the way you flinch, then in the way your throat tightens. It then laps at your eye, a frothing pain behind your eye patch. You close your eye, not because you want to, or because it will dull the pain, but because it's so blinding bright. When you open it again, you see the House.
And you know. What happened. They died. And you hate that you let that happen. You hate that Loop let you let that happen. Then, you think, they made it. It's a thought that keeps squatting in your mind, shooing whatever else could hope to quell it away. They made it without you. You're useless. They've never really needed you.
No one in your life, as far as you can remember (and, let's be real, even if you did remember,) has ever truly needed you. You're dead weight, latching on because that's the only way you have purpose. You lie and cheat your way into being leader, being the finder, being strong enough to bring along in the first place. But you're not good at any of those things. Why did you join them? Why are you still here?
Why'd they let someone like you tag along...?
They don't need you, they were just placating you. They could make it to the King this whole time. Sure, they lost, but you know if they were stuck like you that probably means they'd figure it out in half the time. You're even useless at being stuck in a loop! Haha!!! Isn't that funny~!
So why do you even exist? The world would go on without you! It's that just grand?? They never needed you to make it through the House, they all just pretended they did so you could feel like you were important. To them, to yourself. But you're not.
You fade away in an instant. You're real, you know that, they don't have to remind you again. They won't, you know they couldn't stand having to. So then why turn to face them? Why are you looking at them like that? So desperately. Talk to me, you beg, please, acknowledge me.
They don't even talk to you. But you hear them. In your head. Like you always would.
Even though they're right in front of you . . .
That's you. How'd they put it? You're what's left. What terrible remains you make. They should cast you out to sea, maybe then you'll drift out amongst the waves until you lie with the sands on the shore of your home. Or maybe you'll just sink. Either way, you won't live to see it, will you?
The scariest part is you know that they know exactly what it is you've lost yourself in. They always seem to know what you're thinking. So you know they would believe you if you reply, if only it were that easy. You're reminded of it every moment, aren't you? Alone, with others, in a crowd, in the empty open field you wake up in after every time!!!!! Ah. Well. That doesn't happen here. The scenery doesn't matter. An empty field, an empty bedroom, what difference does it make? You'll always think about it.
You should really stop going to this blinding tree. You don't think you like it very much.
