David Stern Reaches Deal To Install SportVU Cameras In Every Room In His House
David Stern and an outside tech consultant have reached an agreement to install high-tech data-tracking cameras in all 29 rooms of his luxury home in Scarsdale, New York, before the start of next season, according to several sources familiar with the situation.
Last season, fifteen NBA teams used STATS LLC’s SportVU cameras as they recorded every movement of every person on the court to be able to track the positioning of players in new ways. Now, the league’s commissioner will join them to collect data to monitor everyone who steps foot in his home.
Said Stern, “The NBA has always taken pride in being ahead of the curve, eclipsing other leagues, agencies, and corporations in enacting new technological initiatives. I’m happy to announce that I’ll be able to personally benefit to satisfy my own disgusting needs.”
The cameras cost about $100,000 per year, but Stern has spared no expense, installing multiple cameras in every room of his house, including all nine bathrooms: guest, master, or otherwise.
“I have a powder room, a power room, a crapper, a john, a water closet, a shitter, and a water shit power crap closet,” said the 70-year-old. “And they’re all now fully equipped with cameras exploiting every possible butt angle for my poo poo perversion.”
To date, no NBA teams have followed in the commissioner’s footsteps in using STATS LLC’s equipment to be morally reprehensible.
