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i had to pause my oot game because i thought of a hilarious zelda related valentine and i am laughing too hard. picture of link using the slingshot to shoot the eye above the door with the words along the lines of "i'll shoot your eye with my seed" wow i'm funny
*watches scary movie at cousins* *walks out to car* oh god i'm going to get murdered *starts car and pulls up next to redneck truck* oh god i'm going to get murdered *car tailing too close* oh god i'm going to get murdered *three deer walking across the road* oh god i'm going to get murdered *walking from car to house* oh god i'm going to get murdered *locks front door* *realizes left uniform shirt in car* oh good lord this is it. *runs to car and runs back inside* *locks door* SWEET SWEET LORD I MADE IT NOT GETTING MURDERED TONIGHT
coworker: why you moving so slow??
me (internally): my butt hurts.
me: just tired I guess!!
okay, the people that think four way stops, left turn yield, and non-working lights mean "me go now" should have their licenses revoked.
OMG POST PICS OF YOUR PUPPY!!!! I LOVE PUPPIES!!!!!!
I WILL!!!!
she'll have her own tag and everything, im gonna document her growth into adulthood 😍
okay but think of this: what if your tootings were your favorite smell? everyone's were their favorite smell. so out of nowhere there'd be a strawberry smell or a fresh cut grass smell and no one would be ashamed because how could you be ashamed of tooting strawberries ?
my grandmother to my cousin: do you do the google?
my grandmother to me: do you do the google too?
us: yes...
my grandmother: everyone at work does the google too...
spider hanging off the heater. about the size of a quarter. tried to kill it a few times but every time i walked up to it, it would scurry into the heater. i left for a while to see if it would come out when i wasn't in the room. came back in and only its leg was sticking out. sprayed the area with bug spray and the spider just now fell out of the heater, an hour later. it was moving around so i sprayed it some more and now it is crinkled on the floor.
dead.
i may have lost the battle, but i have won the war.
