fellas is it gay to fall in love with your homie’s smile
you’ve found the notes. call now to redeem your $500 cash prize
just a summary of how this all Came To Be [tldr at the end]:
perdix is the heir to a small kingdom who accidentally gives himself and his family a very negative first impression at a gathering of the nations. his family is infuriated with him bc their reputation is all but gone (whatever reputation a budding nation such as theirs could have) and they want to get rid of him, whilst building their kingdom back up from the ground.
they ask a powerful kingdom to the north, “please annex us, our resources and manpower will surely benefit you god please we’re so useless rn” and the northern kingdom is like “lol aren’t you the guys who looked stupid at the gathering of the nations” and they’re like “YES please just take our son he’s a walking cringe comp bro”
with some negotiation and some salt, perdix’s parents, the king and queen of dumbtopia, arrange a marriage for him: he is to be wed into the northern kingdom’s family to unite the two kingdoms. except, instead of being married to the northern princess, who is supposedly very beautiful and intelligent, perdix is to be wed to the northern prince to humiliate him further (plus, the young prince of the north got himself into a bit of trouble with his parents, too)
perdix is infuriated he’s like “you can’t just kick me out of my own home like this” “also im straight lol” and his family is like “lol” and send him to the north. they don’t attend his wedding, and he is just as humiliated as they wanted him to be, because everyone knows him as the prince who destroyed his kingdom’s reputation (idk what he even did, he probably got food poisoning and threw up on a duchess)
adrian isn’t into this whole thing either. he swings both ways but he’s like “i don’t want this, i don’t know this guy and i certainly don’t love him. also wasn’t he the one who like threw up on a duchess lmao” but he knows refusing would get him in more trouble. and besides, then this poor perdix guy’s lineage will practically be unsalvageable
for the first couple months, prince regent perdix is followed everywhere by guards. he asks them what they want and they say to keep him from running away or ending his own life. perdix says “if i wanted to die, i’d have been dead before i’d set foot on the altar.” he is never escorted about by guards again
then blah blah perdix sees adrian’s smile and is smitten and nurses a crush on him for a little while and they end their “don’t touch me” arrangement and share a tentative kiss in the palace courtyard it’s great
--
squireling (she’s barely a squire) is a girl who wants to be a knight for the northern kingdom. she’s not too good at anything but she’s got so much heart, the knights’ academy feels kinda bad; so they ask the chief captain of the northern knights to assess her and see if she’s worth teaching. chief captain perdix agrees, and as he runs squireling through some drills he’s like “dear god she really is terrible at everything” but thinks she deserves a chance and offers to work with her personally.
she gets to know him and crown prince adrian quite well, and they sort of become her big brothers as she begins her own journey as a knight-in-training of the northern army.
--
one evening while prince adrian is at a diplomatic meeting and squireling is polishing perdix’s sword by the hearth, squireling asks him how he and adrian met. the prince regent huffs and says, “when i was a younger man, i’d made a fool of myself and my kingdom at a gathering of the nations. my parents were furious i’ll tell you that. but they couldn’t banish or off me, because i was their only heir. so to try and make up for my follies and to further humiliate me, they arranged a marriage between myself and the prince of a northern kingdom, instead of the princess i should’ve married.”
prince regent perdix shakes his head, gazing into the fire. “certainly didn’t help that that prince was the most handsome man i’ve ever met.”
tldr: perdix acted stupid at a big event and his family was so embarrassed they wed him to another guy, prince adrian of the north, to embarrass him but uh oh! perdix has his gay awakening and they fall in love
