Bloom.
Portra 160.
May 2016.
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Bloom.
Portra 160.
May 2016.
Who knows where the time goes?
This insecurity is slowly killing me.
Featuring Estefanni A.
Ditching the windy city for a day at the beach sounds like a no brainer, doesnât it? Escaping the city to help out on a medical mission in a small village, by the beach - think again. Yes, there will be plenty of sunshine, you seem convinced. Here we go:
After a two hour ride with the A/C on full blast, the mandatory ice cream stop is the cue to take your sweater off - you wonât be needing that anymore. Itâs 9:30 AM and our Jeep pulls up infront of the only medical clinic in miles. We walk in and are saluted by complete silence, there are no permanent doctors here. A makeshift sign indicating that weâll be performing free check ups is strategically placed by the speedbumps on the roadside. The first few people filter in and out, itâs a slow morning. Dehydration is common amongst the villagers, I know this because my wrist is about to be dislocated from wiping the beads of sweat off of my forehead. Itâs all worth it though, I say to myself.
Car tires screech infront of the clinic and a man bustles in, carrying his 7 year old son. The screams of agony echo off the dusty walls as the mother anxiously explains how her son poured a pot of boiling water onto his chest, he wanted a cup of coffee. She uses her hands more than her voice. The paramedics take over in the blink of an eye: plenty of cold water, some sort of cream and ketamine. It turns out the boy also has a really serious cut on his finger, another unfortunate kitchen incident, his parents explain. A few stitches and a few more patients. I canât help but stare at the vacant look on the boyâs face. At least heâs not in pain anymore. âWeâre leaving soonâ, somebody idly comments.
The clinic nurse turns and proceeds to tell me about something troubling her. She uses a soft voice and fidgets with her hands a lot. I can tell sheâs holding back the tears, despite her calm composure. âWe think a bad spirit has posessed my auntâ, the nurseâs voice cracks, âShe hasnât eaten in weeks and mumbles all day longâ. I politely ask the nurse if thereâs a chance her aunt can stop by the clinic for a check up, she shakes her head and tells me that her aunt isnât in the condition to row a boat. I understand, but grow increasingly concerned. I rush over to one of the paramedics and explain the situation. Soon enough, weâre closing the doors and boarding the worldâs most unstable wooden boat; defibrillator, camera and all. The sun poises itself above the mangrove trees, but it wonât stick around much longer. With jittery movements we manage to advance through the swamp. It smells like public toilet at 3:00 AM. âWhere on earth did I manage to end upâ, I ask myself, âAnd why would anybody ever want to live out here?â.Â
Our boat reaches a clearing in the mangrove forest and I raise my eyes to find the most breathtaking sky above. Watercolor pinks, burnt sienna and ginger brushstrokes compliment the stratocumulus clouds that blanket the setting sun, perfectly reflected in the motionless water below. We step out of the boat and continue our journey through the calf high muddy water, by foot. A fifteen minute walk later we reach what looks like a chain of islands. Each island has one or two huts perched on top of them. The whole setting is unreal, Iâve never seen a place quite like this. I spot a tree full of chickens. The tree has a ladder they use to climb up and down.
The nurse leads the way and rushes in to her auntâs house. The paramedics sort everything out while I engage in a serious battle against the mosquito army. The nurseâs aunt lies in her bed, consumed by her epilepsy meds. Apparently sheâs had a stroke. Iâm informed that no one really knows whether she has epilepsy or not, but the medication seems to keep her from running off into the water. The paramedics hook her up to an IV and let her rest. The evening turns into pleasant conversations with the family members on the island and Iâm surprised by their caring and non judgmental nature. Anecdote after anecdote, I begin to comprehend that life here on the swamp islands is the purest form of love, beauty and harmony that Iâve ever encountered. âWhy doesnât everybody live out here?â, I wonder, as we retreat through the dark waters, guided by the swell moon and a million stars. âIâll be back soonâ, I whisper to the fireflies dancing around me, âI promiseâ.
Los Esclavos, Cuilapa. 2016.
Thereâs so much I want to write about. This yearâs only begun and yet I feel as though I am reliving old memories. Itâs like a tape on repeat, except this time Iâm paying attention to the white noise, the in betweens, the scratches, the gaps - the silence. Day and evening blend into one another just like sand and foam drift into one another by the sea shore. Weeks become months, months feel like days. There are no seasons here, everything isnât what it seems. I am losing grip of my beliefs and questioning the ones I create in my own mind. But this is a world of perception, not of reality.
I answer my questions with more questions and scribble them on pieces of paper. My letters are sent out to sea in turquoise bottles, addressed to lost sailors in search for infinite horizons.
@fleurchelsea Fleur Chelsea, 2015.
I am drawn towards the light like a moth to the flame. I indulge in the subtle playful shadows, I raise my arms and give thanks to the Sun - thanks for birthing us into this world. For being that which gives us life and the will to dance with the warmth it diffuses on our shoulders. For that, and so many other reasons I canât find the words for.
A-Side
You know... the one with all the good tracks on it. Number 3 is a hit, guaranteed. It's the anthem of inspiration, making you want to jump for joy, get out of bed an hour earlier and sing at the top of your lungs in the shower. You smile back at yourself when you pass by a mirror, your hair actually decided to collaborate with you today! Your favorite jeans fit you better than usual. It's the side that brings out the best in you, or so they say. The one and a half hours it takes on your morning commute to work aren't even half as bad - time flies; you flow. You are selfless, your worries non-existent, you are completely absorbed in the present moment and everything else fades away. Embrace this moment, let it consume you. Play track 7 on repeat (until your battery dies). Treat yourself to that red african tea you like so much as you admire the perfect shade of blue in the cloud-free sky. Could there possibly be a better soundtrack?
âLa Isla Bonitaâ - San Pedro, Ambergris Caye, Belize. 2015