#sssswrites

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

The Mall

(I’m going to turn the contents of my day at the mall into a poem for @isolatedphenomenon, because I’ve finally figured out what a happy ending is)

The mall was nice, but there was a lot of people, so I was on edge a lot. I think the worst moment of the entire experience was when I knocked down some video games from a shelf and the guy employee put his hand on my shoulder. I moved away as fast as I could, but my right shoulder still feels like it has a layer of grime on it.

The one thing I really wanted to do (sit and people-watch, write some poetry while she did some sketches, and play ukulele and just talk and relax) didn’t happen, but that’s okay. I had a good time anyway, and she said she had a good time too. She found a jacket that makes her look like the astronaut I always see her as, and I found some hair bows with icing and sprinkles that make me feel confident. Expectations aren’t everything.

And then, as she finally told me it was time to go, the unexpected happened. My favorite Panic! at the Disco song came on, and she started singing. i begged her not to take me home, but she said that she had to. But then: “Wanna go to Barnes & Nobel?” And we spent another half hour perusing through shelves. I can’t think of anything more beautiful than that moment when she agreed that we shouldn’t go home just yet, and that we should spontaneously go to look at books. I was hit hard again by how perfect she is, by how much I love her.

That moment, when I was sure everything was all over, but she reopened the experience all over again, unexpectedly-- that was breathtakingly beautiful.

Then, when we got back into the car, the feeling started creeping in a little, and I began to feel unsettled again, but the pain wasn’t as sharp as it had been before. I didn’t feel so acutely the need to beg her not to take me home, because I felt like I had already been granted a gift, I had already been granted my greatest wish.

And then, unexpected moment #2: She turned onto the Peter J. Biondi Bypass, knowing that it is a very special road for me, because he was a very important man in my life, and told me to watch the sky and the sunset. This was really breathtakingly beautiful. It warmed up my insides, and she sang so sweetly that it took away all the pain in my body. She even sang a silly song at my request that made me laugh.

Then, we passed the road leading to Madie’s house and we started creeping up towards the final turn that would lead to my house. I swallowed and asked, “Can we just, drive past?” Miraculously, she listened and kept going. That was the strawberry icing on the cupcake.

I have never been so grateful in all my life for the perfect angel that is @melmov. Thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for not letting today end, and thank you for dragging it out just long enough that I still feel okay even though it is over. Thank you for checking up on me after, and thank you for existing. Oh, and thanks for letting me buy you an early birthday present. :) I love you more than anything.

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

Handwriting tests. The second is stuff from Heathers. I VERY MUCH like the "tomboy" handwriting for J. D.

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

I didn't know how much I needed to hear that

until I read it. :) I have a lot to make up for. I am too unstable to be a good friend to anyone. I need to improve myself, starting now. I'm going to rely on myself in trying times-- only myself, No more running to my friends when things gets tough. @anticipatingtheceiling says that I can change myself and become a better person, but she has to decide if that's enough for her. I have to take the chance, work hard to become a better friend. @isolatedphenomenon worries about me getting derailed by trying to cut contact with everyone all at once, but it's all or nothing. I need to start fixing myself, so that she will maybe want to be friends again. She still cares. I still have a chance, if I make major changes. I'm on a mission!!!! Let's do this!!!!

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

i sound really stuffy because ive been crying for hours but i really needed to read this and get it out of me i wrote this almost a year ago but im feeling the same feelings again now so i really just wanted to get this out of my system enjoy

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

Okay so I LOVE her

Literally her hair is GORGEOUS when its pink and basically any other color too but the pink is just UNF And the French fries?? Nope, they were GIGANTIC waffle fries and I almost fainted She was all apologetic for being tired but like who the hell cares that its not the video you planned when we get a stellar video like THIS instead!!!!!

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

Things I’ve Learned About the Mall

1. You have to make dumb, simple comments about every piece of clothing you see (e.g. sarcastically say “that’s nice”, or say “ooh, sparkly” or “those patches are ugly as FUCK”)

2. The main point of the mall is just to walk around, so make sure you wear comfortable, noiseless shoes (e.g. sneakers, not wedge heel boots that make you sound like a horse and leave your feet with blisters)

3. You might be expecting a point of time where you just people-watch, but in actuality, you are supposed to be people-watching the whole time, while still focusing on your friend(s) (???? still unsure how to accomplish this but it’s a rule so)

4. When paying at the checkout, pretend that you’re cool and unflustered, even if you’re really anxious (no one will be able to tell that you’re faking it and you’ll just look normal and collected)

5. Escalators aren’t so scary, as long as you ride them safely (e.g. don’t throw your leg up on the top belt and do funny poses because that is NOT SAFE and your friend(s) will totally freak out)

[skywhichonlyishigherthansky]

Highly Suspect (I Can't Believe It)

Ever since the accident her passenger side door won’t open. I wonder how many people sat there and fiddled with the tuner, and gave up when they didn’t find a station they liked.

Her mind drives way too fast, so when she speeds I tell her, and she tries to go the limit. She’s careful about limits; even though she loves the sky and stars, she doesn’t shoot for them.

She stashes her favorite CD in the glove compartment, her only CD in the box on the passenger side. She says she is going to get the door fixed. She asks if I want to hear the CD, asks if I want to hear her heartbeat.

Lights blur past like shooting stars. Her hands twitch on the steering wheel as she waits for my answer. I stare at the empty passenger seat and wonder aloud, “Who would not want to?”

(for @melmov ❤️)

[sharesmilesspreadsmiles]

Going to be on vacation!

Queue has enough posts to last until I'm back. I'll miss you all, cutie cupcakes!!!