murrays talk with jonathan just further pounds it into my head that they are indeed going to deconstruct the ideas about love that stranger things presents of Shared Trauma (just like Want vs Need is actively being addressed in wills arc).
we'll see how it ultimately plays out but essentially:
jonathan and nancy bought into the idea of shared trauma being what the strength of their connection lies on. and its not untrue that they did bond and support each other through very traumatic events in the series. but theyve shown us over and over (and spelled it out too at points) that they love each other because of a lot more than going through terrible shit. they also have a bond because of mutual admiration and teamwork. nancy admires jonathans depth, how caring and loyal he is to his family and by extension her, his moral code, his willingness to stay true to himself despite pressures she finds or once found difficult to push back on, and how he notices things others miss -- and same for jonathan, he also admires her investigative drive and tenacity, her intelligence, fierceness, strength, and ambition, her kindness and commitment to justice. he sees the vulnerability under her once miss perfect outer shell and that she's willing to take big risks and surprise him over and over.
murray is out there in the field spewing bullshit about capitalizing on high emotions and difficult circumstances to spring an engagement proposal on nancy. and also as a tactic to "win" and show up steve? his honestly non-rival? what kind of stupidness is that. how manipulative and not at all showing alignment with her if he were to do that. like jonathan says, her parents is in the hospital, her sister has been kidnapped and their focus is on saving her rn. not distracting nancy with his wants and feelings which can wait. "shared trauma!" these are the moments to be dramatic and showy and and -- and not at ALL show self-awareness.
note: i do not equate Shared Trauma to a Trauma Bond. Trauma Bonds are when abusers bond with their victims based on cycle of abuse and yo-yoing extremes in treatment and emotional closeness/distance, creating unpredictability, fear, and power imbalance in a relationship making it hard for the victim to leave and trust their own judgement. that is not the same thing as bonding with someone who has gone through something traumatic either with you or separately but relating to each other bc of it. jonathan and nancy are not in a "trauma bond", they have bonded while going through traumatic experiences together. big difference.
and then there is steve being a weird competitor for nancy's attention, doing the weird dude thing of leaning over way too close into someone's space in hopes that it'll ignite something. with nancy. who has a fucking boyfriend and has not shown interest in steve. despite being explicitly told he sees her in his future with six nuggets in a camper. holy shit. he wants to show up jonathan by going to the hospital as moral support with flowers when theres nothing they can do for her family by being there. meanwhile theyve lost hopper AND holly now and time is of the essence to find them. jonathan is a thousand percent correct ("you selfish, chauvinistic meathead!!!").
he may be insecure right now but the people trying to one up him or give him advice are full pf shit and not at all concerned about nancy herself and what she wants. jonathan knows nancy. he loves her. he's doing whats important to the group which happens to be whats also important to nancy. his actions are not about owning her or protecting his ego. he treats her like a human being.
so when they inevitably examine their relationship, its possible they will come to the temporary conclusion that maybe shared trauma ("whats a little more?") is what has bonded them together, and not much more (bc isnt that it? isnt *that* supposed to be "the real shit"?) -- but it couldn't be farther from the truth. they can bond over what brought them together initially, but the love and mutual respect, admiration and simply liking one another is why they ultimately chose each other and will choose each other again.
i think theres a possibility the show will further examine this before its end, along with the show's other proposed logic of love equaling "crazy" and "stupid" -- also possibly though mike and comparing his relationships with el and will. think theres room to examine what kind of crazy is fueled by trauma responses and fear and the kind of crazy based on chemistry, excitement, and being right next to someone when they feel wrong and rejected by the world. both can include "shared trauma" but the main thing is to examine what that means. how is it being shared. and besides that, what else is present. what else is fueling the Stupid and Crazy.