Imagining my f/o seeing me work day and night, whether I'm doing my usual barista work and moving on my feet all day or sitting at my desk and typing away at my keyboard all night, just picturing them looking at me, seeing how I'm smiling, how happy I look, how they know I'm thinking of them and how it gets me through the day. Then, to come back home to them in their arms, exhausted and tired. Staying up late to watch movies or play games together, then we hit the hay, climbing into bed and gazing into each other's eyes, getting lost in them like a floating astronaut in space. Wrapping one another in an embrace and not letting go.
Singing AJR songs with my husband after he kindly suggested we do so to help me feel better, next thing I know, we're laid awake in bed singing entire songs from different albums.
From songs that'll make us cry...
"I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly. I've been so good, why am I feeling empty? I've been so good, I've been so good this year."
"If you put this scene on a movie screen, is it called a happy end? If the world gets me where I'm supposed to be, will I know I've made it then? It's so hard...can we skip to the good part?"
...to songs that'll have us jumping up and down on the couch or bed...
"So put your best face on, everybody! Pretend you know this song, everybody! Come hang, let's go out with a bang!"
"Oh my, oh my God, the entertainment's here! Everything is suddenly amazing here! Sit back, man. Relax, man. Sit back, man. Don't make plans."
"Don't you love it, don't you love it, no I ain't happy yet. But I'm way less sad!"
...or maybe a bit of both.
"But I'm weak! And what's wrong with that?! Boy oh boy, I love it when I fall for that!"
“Guardian, I understand how hard you try to overcome the Vex, the many chances you take into the Vex network to end this Endless Night, as well as protect me and my people from the hardships of the City. They simply don’t understand the rising tensions. But you, you’re different. You care about the Eliksni more than any Guardian I’ve known. A Guardian of Light and Dark, protecting not only your home, but my people and myself. Words cannot describe how grateful I am. You’re always welcome in the House of Light and you, Starside, will always have a special place in this Kell’s heart.” -Mithrax
...did I really just be self indulgent with my Kell? Yes I did-
Crypt AI: Clarity Control breached. A single unregistered Exo and a single life form of unknown biology detected in the Crypt Laboratory. Status: Disastrous. Notice: Vacate the premises immediately. This will be your only warning.
Star-4: Not today. We have a mission to finish.
Featuring cameos from the fireteams of @nevermore-selfship, @cozyships, and yours truly! Small spoilers from the DSC raid!
Our fireteam has just triggered Atraks-1's encounter within the Deep Stone Crypt and half of the Guardians were already on their way upstairs to the space station, known as Morning Star, to eliminated the Servitors blocking from using our terminals, as that was the only way we were to be able to beat Atraks and her replications upstairs and downstairs. Calling it upstairs and downstairs was easier for our fireteam and we rolled with it. As Xerna killed the specific Vandal, she became the Operator and hopped into the pod, ascending towards the Morning Star, the game was to begin. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but I was certain that I was the only Guardian on the fireteam who knew Atraks, but also knew her personally. I've introduced myself to the House of Salvation previously and have grown to love the Kell and her commanders, due to my fixation on the Eliksni that grew on me after the Red War. Unfortunately, it couldn't be all that safe and I sometimes regret fighting Eramis, seeing her become frozen in Stasis after our encounter. Maybe, in another timeline, we could've been associates. In another, I join the House. For now, a job was needed to be done. Me, Rabbit, and Xerna were on "base team" while Angel, Finn, and Enoch were on "space team". Enoch and I were the dedicated "Scanners" on space and base respectively while Xerna was "Operator" for space team. Minutes into the encounter, base team and I eliminate our set of Servitors and inform space team that we've done so, and therefore, it triggers a new voice through my comms. "Ah, the Guardian. Star-4." It was the voice of Atraks. She recognized me. She's familiar of my time spent with House Salvation. The death threats that the Kell sent my way, but fortunately, they always went into one ear and out the other. With me being one of the dedicated Scanners, I had a set task and I didn't want to be the reason that we failed to journey further into the crypt. Switching quickly to a private communication channel temporarily to speak with the Eliksni Exo, and to not mix the comms with my teammates, I continued to act relaxed, waiting by the terminal for Atraks' Extinction Protocol to begin. "Hey, Atraks. Lovely seeing you again." I replied, focusing on the Shanks and Vandals trying to fire at me. "Eramis informed me about you. Told me much about you. I won't harm you. But the others..." She said with a chitter. At first, I was relieved, but then that content feeling subsided and was replaced with fear.
After many rounds of endurance, lots of switching back and forth of communicating with my fireteam and the Eliksni Exo we were combataning, who was attempting to flirt with me and distract me from my goal, we were doing damage towards Atraks, despite my inner request to not do so, but my fireteam needed me and I didn't plan on letting them down anytime soon. "I will be seeing you soon, Star-4," she replied, activating her final Extinction Protocol, therefore, requiring everyone from base team to rush towards the pods and head towards the Morning Star as fast as possible. I passed Scanner upstairs for Enoch and yelled at Rabbit and Xerna to get to the pods ASAP. "Or should I say...Elijah?" Atraks finished with a chuckle, her replicants disappearing from downstairs. Technology after the Golden Age was definitely something else. Fear struck my body as she said my name, the title of the individual I was in my past life. The past life I knew nothing about. How did she know my name? Rushing towards Morning Star by getting into the pod, I concentrated on finishing the encounter, following my Guardian teammates and waiting for Enoch to pinpoint the correct replication of Atraks. Whipping out the Lament and impatiently waiting for him to choose the right one. There was very little time as Atraks was halfway through her protocol and upon completion, wiping the team. "On me, on me!" The five Guardians pushed onto Enoch's position and began shooting and slashing the replication, successfully eliminating Atraks, or so I thought. "Multiple hostile intruders detected within the orbital platform. Orbital confinement protocol initiating. Status: Pathway to nuclear cores obscured. You have no warnings left. Nuclear descent protocol: Initiated." The doors were open and our next job was to prevent the destruction of Europa. A fireteam of six trying to stop Europa from, simply, blowing the hell up. What could go wrong?
Me, however, I wasn't done with this room just yet. "This way!" Xerna called out, everyone following suit to the open door while I remained, watching Europa behind glass, looking down out at Europa, miles away. "How high are we?" I thought to myself, seeing how beautiful space was, the stars dancing along the sky and around Europa, followed by a Fallen Ketch or two. "Eli, you coming?" My Hunter friend, Angel, questioned, the rest of the team heading towards the next encounter, most likely to take care of Taniks. "Y'all go ahead without me, I'll catch up. Just...just give me a sec, yeah?" After convincing the rest of the fireteam to move forward, I remained and waited until the rest of the Guardians were out of the room, standing in place for a few seconds and admiring the view before finally hearing the familiar sound of Atraks-1's replication. Fear struck me once again and I turned around, spotting it, sitting in the corner of the room, a heavy feeling surging in my circuits. Making my way towards the back of the room, eyeing the replication, I began reaching towards it and hearing Atraks' voice emit from it as well. In case shit went sideways, I had ricochet bullets to hit the replication off of my head if need be. Fortunately for me, that wasn't the case. Touching the replication spawned Atraks and in front of me was the Baron of House Salvation herself, standing at an incredible 12 feet. Maybe Kells and Barons were always this tall as I recall a long time ago that Skolas, Wolf Kell, or self-proclaimed Kell of the House of Wolves, was around the same height, but to be honest, seeing one right in front of you, standing inches away from your face, not attacking but instead watching and examining you, it made my circuits' temperature rise, causing my Exo self to feel warm. I may have been Exo, just like Atraks, but I still had Human attributes. I informed my Ghost, Comet, to keep quiet as much as possible and to ignore the current interaction I was to have with Atraks because if I was trusting my instincts, I knew where this would be leading. "Elijah. We finally meet again." She greeted me, her bright pink eyes shining down on me, a soft chitter filling my ears. Weapons away, I raised my hands in an act of non-hostility, showing that I meant no harm towards the Exo Eliksni in any way, shape, or fashion. "Yeah, didn't think I would be seeing you again honestly," I replied the nervousness slowly fading away, replaced with confidence. "Your team isn't with you?" She questioned and therefore, I informed her that I would join them, needing to take care of this first. "This won't take long, right?" Atraks' chitters clouded my head. No answer. My confidence disappeared.
I'd like to imagine that during the events of Season of the Lost, I go and visit Savathûn in her crystal casing very frequently to just talk with her. I try my best to keep important information from escaping my lips and she insists that I talk about my life and the events that have been going on. I end up venting to her and apologizing for doing so, but the Witch Queen bashes me for apologizing, saying there's no need. "Why the formalities, Little Light? We are friends, are we not?" I would pause at her question before giving a nod and forcing myself to get the word "yes" out of my mouth. "There's nothing you need to fear, O Guardian mine. While your allies see me as a threat, I can see why. You choose to speak your mind to me, an enemy to your people, the Queen of Lies, they speak."
Of course, this was Savathûn we were talking about, the Witch Queen herself, and yet I come back frequently while my fireteam remained in the H.E.L.M. or even other places in the Sol System, yet I'm here. Standing several feet away from a trapped queen, speaking my mind, and a bit of my heart, and to hear her words comfort me, it was strange. A good strange. "Will I see you again, Guardian?" She asks me before having to depart. "Sooner than you think," I reply. She chuckles and I feel a warmth in my heart. "Of course. Until next time...what's your callsign again? Ah yes, Starside." With that, another conversation with her had concluded.
I don't want my f/os and comfort characters to be real. I want to be fictional with them and live with them in their universe. I can only imagine and dream.
Heck, maybe somewhere, in another universe or timeline or dimension, whatever tickles your fancy, I'm with my f/o in their world. The two of us are cuddling and kissing, living our best life. I may not be able to experience it with my own eyes, but it's a helluva nice thought to think about.
Even in this timeline, I can picture them looking down at me. Thinking of me and cheering me on, desperate for my touch as I am for them. Even though we can't be together in each other's arms, we both know that we're not leaving each other, no matter what. As we go about our days, we'll be thinking of each other with every passing minute, hour, day, etc.
We help push each other, to keep going, to pursue our dreams, and fulfill our goals. And at the end of the day, we see each other again in our dreams and we do whatever we want together with that time alone. No one else, just us.
Okay so I've done WAY TOO MANY revamps and redesigns and lore changes with my self insert and Ghost for destiny so I just sat down in the character customization screen till I was happy and am I actually happy? YES-
Starside (he/him) and his Ghost, Stella (she/her)!!
Being undetermined and unmotivated wasn’t the best thing, but it did give me a moment to relax, even if I didn’t want to relax and instead continue with my work and finish my goals to reach where I dream to be. Tonight, however, was an off-night as I laid back in Capper’s grasp, gazing up at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered to the ceiling, shining in all of their glory. The feel of Cap’s fur nuzzling the back of my head was pleasing and was certainly what I needed, with the addition of one hand laid on my chest with one of my own holding his. Both of our hands were wearing the engagement rings assigned to us at the wedding. I still remember it like it was yesterday. His other hand gently grazed through my hair, occasionally patting my head here and there. It was almost silent, but it wouldn’t have been perfect anyway. Neither of us were in the mood to sleep, not yet that is, and with neither of us going anywhere, we had time. To do what exactly? We simply continued to lie in bed, but thankfully, it wasn’t all silent. How? My husband’s purring. It filled my ears and was always music to my ears, I could never get enough of it. It was like my comfort sound. Blissful and perfect.
“You doing okay, Eli?” Capper questioned as I closed my eyes, imagining a perfect scenario in my head, the image of the two of us resting in a hammock, protected under the night sky and its million stars watching over us, igniting our night alongside the moon. I snapped back to reality upon hearing Capper’s question, looking up and holding his hand tighter. “I’m okay, Caps,” I replied. “I think I am, at least.” Being unsure of my emotions has been almost a regular routine for the past weeks, months rather, have been incredibly emotionally draining. But even so, I still manage to find a way out of bed and get work done. Whether it was recording or editing a video, starting up a livestream, or even doing basic chores around our home, I always had energy, pushing me out of that depressive state to get things done. Part of it was that voice inside of me telling me to never give up, while the rest was Capper, doing the exact same and encouraging me in all the right ways. I was insanely lucky and happy to have him.
“Just take your time, Elijah. I’m right here. No matter what happens, I’m always gonna be right here with you. Whatever it is you’re going through, never forget that you’re loved, you’re cared for, and everything you plan on doing, that you dream of doing, you push yourself to your limits. With every push, you’re getting stronger and better. At what exactly?” He cups the side of my head with care as I tilt it upwards to find my eyes locked onto his. “That’s for you to discover, my shooting star. You know what you plan on doing?” He asked and I nodded in reply, verbally as well. “Then don’t waste any time. Take breaks, of course, but don’t let time go by so fast. Enjoy every moment and be sure to make every second count, you hear?” I tried my best not to cry as I took a deep breath and attempted to get out of bed to get to work, only for Capper to keep me held down. “I didn’t say now. Today’s our off day, hun.”
In a matter of moments, I was no longer laying my head on Capper’s chest. Instead, I found my face laying right in his fluffy chest, his arms wrapped snug around my body while my own were locked around his neck. The soft sensation of his lips kissing my fuzzy temple sent shivers through my body, causing my big, floofy tail to react with its usual wagging motion, signaling how I was feeling and, obviously, I was hitting that flustered state. “Eliii?~” Capper whispered and in reply, I lifted my head up, greeted with a pair of lips locked onto mine, that small hint of bliss increasing to something more astronomical. Safe to say, I was in heaven. Then again, I’ve been in heaven ever since I met him. “I love you, Eli.” He said to me in that loving, sweet tone. Even if I was deaf or my ears were ringing, I’d be able to read those lips of his perfectly every time. “I love you too, Caps.” I returned the favor with a barrage of kisses, giggling and laughing as the two of us began to burrow under the sheets to continue our much needed makeout session, attacking each other in different areas, especially paying attention to the more sensitive bits to rile each other up. Maybe if we were feeling up for it, we’d get more frisky, and thankfully, we had nothing to do today, tomorrow, or the day after. Hell, we could have as much fun as we wanted and there wouldn’t be anything stopping us. Nothing and no one at all. “C’mere baby, let Capper take care of you~”
