i've seen someone making fun of people who support northern independence, and by this i suspect that you already know about which fandom that i'm talking about lol 🥴 but there was something about this post that i saw that really bothered me, one of the comments in this post was someone implying that the starks somehow created & helped to creat the others. like??? they were for real making fun of “northern independence apologist” saying that the starks were responsible for this disaster (the existence of the others)...
Hi there!
That is a stretch to say the least...
There is a theory (and I’m all on board with that as you can see if you look at my posts with #Children of the Forest) that the Others were created by the Children of the Forest.
There are hints at this in the world books and some hints distributed through the books. So, the Children of the Forest created the Others in an attempt to find a weapon that would finally be effective against the First Men. Their water and earth magic just went awry in that case and they created a problem that was even greater than the threat by the First Men.
So, then they created the pact with the First Men and the Long Night passed - which was 8,000 years ago or something around that.
So, the Starks are First Men that surely means that they are responsible for the Children creating the Others, although it was absolutely the decision of the Children to go that desperate road....
Makes you scratch your head.
And honestly, I’m all for taking responsibilities for the times my people messed up in history (and being German I can assure you that there is an uncomfortable high number of times we messed up), but responsibility is not the same as blame, and the Long Night is really a long time ago. Sry, not sry, I don’t feel responsible any longer for things that happened in 5,000 BC.....
Anyway, the point is that GRRM does not paint the Starks as infallible heroes. There is the Book! Night King who might have been a Stark, there are several Stark kings whose actions make your hair rise. There is fuckboy Brandon Stark the Older we see in canon.
The whole point is that a family per se is not infallible, nor that the individual person needs to be part of a certain family.
The sin is not taking responsibility, thinking that you are bound to do the right thing just because you belong to a certain family. The Starks differ from other families not in the way that they don’t have fucked up ancestors (believe me, we all have), the difference is what they do about it.
Dany never thinks about the wrongs her ancestors did. The Lannisters think they are entitled to be special because they are Lannisters. The Starks on the other hand draw their strength from their family that is true, but they are prepared to correct their opinions. Jon learns about the Freefolk and he re-evaluates them and tries to think about ways how to get along with them instead of fighting with them. Dany has several chances to really learn something about her enemies but she never does.
So, we always joke about how bad the Targs are, but I don’t think that Dany being a Targ is at the heart of the problem. It’s how she handles being a Targ that makes her a case of hubris.
So, even if the Starks were responsible for the Others, it would not matter as long as their descendants would make the right decisions.
chapter 06/?? "the truth about paris, and the winter soldier"
master list
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word count 3.9k
“That’s not fair and you know that,” you tried to reason.
Things were coming to a head between Barnes and yourself. You were being led down a path you really really couldn’t go down right now. What even was this all about? Why was Barnes wanting you to work through this tonight of all nights? Why did he even care about this or Paris for that matter? You shrugged your arms from his grasp and turned your back to him but Bucky was hot on your tail.
“You’re running away from it, still,” Bucky pointedly said. You turned around to face him and he stopped before colliding with you. “Just… Let me help you.”
“I don’t need help,” you argued and Bucky rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his waist, while you crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m perfectly fine living like this.”
You left it at that. You turned away from him again to the front door. You had one hand on the handle to tug it open, ready for him to leave and for you to just be alone.
“Tony wouldn’t want you to live like this.”
It was quiet, probably harmless, but it made you freeze in your spot. Your fingers loosened over the metal and your eyes darted over the paint, your mind starting to race. Before you knew it you were turned back to face him, several feet of space between you two as he still towered in your living room.
“Tony isn’t here anymore,” you stated, matter of factly. It came out harsher than you wanted, something Bucky picked up on and his face fell into a frown. You weren’t getting what he was trying to say.
“(Y/N) it’s… It’s time to work through what’s going on up there,” Bucky said, motioning to your head and stepped around your couch towards you. “You’re blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault-“
“Don’t give me that,” you said with a shake of your head. “No. Tony gave me the same speech, Steve gave me the same speech, but you say you understand me then why are you saying it’s not my fault?”
“Because it isn’t-“ Bucky tried to reason but you shook your head again.
“I did those things!” You exclaimed. “Everyone can say it was to survive but I still did it. I’m the one who sees their faces, I’m the one who killed for information. Not Allegra or any of the heads of Hydra. Me, you.. Us, Barnes.”
“Allegra?” Bucky asked and you shrugged your shoulders, but Bucky’s brows narrowed at you. You figured it would be best to not mention your visit from her.
“She was just an example,” you threw out and Bucky sighed.
“We have to make amends with what happened,” Bucky explained and you huffed. “It’s not going to be easy, I know, but we have to to live our lives.”
“That’s not good enough,” you said lowly and your eyes averted to the ground. “Not when… No. Forget it.”
“Not when Tony is gone?” Bucky asked and you didn’t reply. “Or not when Steve left?”
“Tony is my best friend,” you said harshly, though you didn’t mean to again. “Damn it Barnes he’s my big brother… Steve was your best friend, how do you just.. Accept they’re gone?”
Bucky didn’t answer for a moment wondering if you were asking him or asking yourself. He held your gaze which was almost piercing, even though he could see the tears beginning to form behind your stare. He finally looked away, giving you a chance to wipe your eyes without his watchful look, and he shook his head.
“Steve… Did what he thought was best,” Bucky struggled to say before looking back at you, knowing that what he was saying would probably crush you. “If it’s what he wanted to be happy then who was I to stop him?”
You didn’t respond, probably working over every detail that had filled your head over the last several months since… Well, everything. Bucky was no fool, he had seen how hard you had taken Tony’s death, and now knowing what he does about Steve he could understand why you were acting the way you were acting. Bucky himself felt lied to, he couldn’t understand why Steve didn’t tell him that you two had gotten back together… You were stricken with grief those last few weeks, as anyone would be, and Bucky just couldn’t understand why Steve did it.
“You should’ve left me in Paris,” you suddenly mumbled, and Bucky’s head began to turn.
March 2015.
It had been almost a year since Bucky pulled Steve from the river. Though he wasn’t sure why at the time, he… Better understood now. He had more flashes of his memories before the nightmares caught up to him. Bucky also knew that Steve was looking for him and a part of him wasn’t ready to be found. There was so much he wanted to figure out and he wanted to do it for himself.
Bucky had found himself in different parts of Europe already. There was a stint in Ireland, a few weeks in the UK, his longest stay had been a few months in Spain, and he was just settling down in Paris for his next unknown stay. It wasn’t where he would typically find himself in with the heavy population, but he had just run out of money and this was where he ended up. He picked up odd jobs here and there, easy one man things away from prying eyes.
He saved almost every euro for his next destination, Bucky was thinking somewhere in Romania. He had just finished a job unloading food crates for a local restraint and was walking back to his small apartment with gifted plums in hand when he rounded the corner of Rue de la Paix when he suddenly stopped, making the woman walking behind him crash into his side.
“Pardon,” (Sorry) Bucky mumbled to the woman who only rolled her eyes and kept going. Bucky’s focus returned back to the source of his apprehension, and carefully he moved forward behind a shrubbery that concealed himself, and peeked around carefully. He needed to make sure what he was seeing was real.
His jaw locked. Bucky would recognize that face anywhere, regardless if it was sipping wine innocently opposite another person. Bucky pressed his back to the wall and fought over his thoughts.
How did you find him? Bucky had been so careful to cover his steps, if Steve was struggling Hydra should have been too, or whatever remained of it. That thought made his stomach churn a bit and move to peer back around the shrubbery. He needed to take another look to better focus himself. And that’s when he realized…
… You weren’t there for him. You must have been there for the man sitting across the table who he couldn’t make out. Hydra wouldn’t have you fraternizing with anyone unnecessarily. Bucky could feel his throat dry up a bit at the thought that despite Steve exposing Hydra, you were still caught up with them.
And it was all his fault. But Bucky pushed that thought away, he didn’t need to think about that right now. Bucky watched as the man across from you stood from his place and offered you his hand, and with a smile on your face you laced your fingers with the strangers. Bucky couldn’t help but admire how enchanting you had looked, and how the man you were with must have thought the same, taking his time to escort you past the fencing separating the restaurant, Pur’, from the street. A car door opened, a larger sized man stepped out and opened the back door of the black Mercedes, and Bucky was able to make out another person in the driver seat. He watched as the man unlatched his fingers from yours, tracing the back of his hand down your arm and the side of your body to finally rest on your hip and spoke to you.
He could see the man mention seeing you later in the evening for dinner, which you smiled and asked him not to be late this time for. Bucky fought the urge to roll his eyes at the sight of the stranger squeezing your hip, the fabric or your dress bunching a little as he said he wouldn’t dare. And then there was a shared kiss, and Bucky looked away when you finally eased yourself into the back of the car, and the man shut the door. Tail lights burned red before beginning to pull off, the man watching for a moment before finally averting his attention to his own vehicle. Bucky huffed a bit as the second car pulled off shortly after down the street, and by the time Bucky got back to his flat he grumbled to himself.
He had been so lost in his thoughts about why you were sent to fraternize with that man. How is Hydra confidently sending your team out still? It must’ve been for something big, which meant something terrible. Bucky knew himself well enough at this point that he wasn’t going to be clear in his mind until he knew what was going on, and making sure that… You were okay.
So, Bucky became your shadow. It was a few more days before Bucky saw you again, arm and arm with whom Bucky was able to identify as Marcelle Olivier. In the local journals he was described as not only a philanthropist but an up-and-coming scientist who was promising something bold, which didn’t sound good to him. Luckily the locals were in awe of him, which meant Bucky could easily track him down and in turn, you.
Your outings consisted of dinners and shopping, both of you always in close proximity to one another… Intimately. Bucky had seen a few times where you were being gifted extravagant jewelry, and although Olivier didn’t catch you falter, he certainly did. They say that diamonds are a girl's best friend, but the wince Bucky saw as they touched your skin looked like it burned. One thing Bucky couldn’t figure out was what the exit plan was? From what he could tell, even though he had been tailing you for a week now, you had been involved with Olivier for a month at this point. It was much longer than normal Hydra missions. Especially the ones they normally sent the Phantoms on.
And given the… State of that program… You were one of the last few left. Hydra must have been grasping for straws. So why were you still in place?
There was a definite chill in the air that night. Bucky remembers that detail vividly, the whispers in conversations on the street of the chance it would finally snow. He was sulking in the shadows, and rubbed his chin against the collar of his jacket and peered across the street. In a few moments your car would pull up, and Bucky would watch you disappear for the night into your hotel.
All Bucky needed to know was that you were safe.
And just like that, familiar red tail lights pulled to a stop in front of Shangri-La Paris, and after a moment the left passenger door was opened to reveal Olivier. He buttoned his jacket closed against the cold night's air, and shut his door before making his way around the car to pull your door open. Bucky could see him offer his hand, before you appeared onto the street. His hot breath fogged the air, and Bucky watched as Olivier held you to him, moving your hair out of your face to get a better look at you.
Bucky cringed a bit, looking down to his feet for some kind of comfort he didn’t know he needed. By the time he looked back across the street, Bucky watched as you took a quick glance back to Olivier as you disappeared inside, and Bucky let out a soft sigh. Bucky rubbed his chin once more against his jacket, and with a glance around he backed up into the alleyway to disappear for the night.
Bucky didn’t know until the next day that you had been made, and even after that it was his fault. When you didn’t leave at your normal time, he waited another half hour before a sinking feeling filled his stomach. Bucky pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed the hotel's number and put the receiver on his ear. He watched as the desk assistant eventually picked up the phone and Bucky stood straighter before speaking.
“Shangri-La Paris, en quoi puis-je vous aider?” (Shangri-La Paris, how can I help you?) they asked, and Bucky fought to remember how he heard Olivier spoke in his interviews.
“Bonjour, puis-je être transféré-” (Hello, could I be transferred-) Bucky mimicked and he watched the receptionist nod.
“À la chambre 1991, bien sûr monsieur” (To room 1991, of course sir) they said before the line went dead, only to ring again. But Bucky got what he needed, and hung up. Glancing across the street, Bucky crossed with a group of people before diverting off to another alley which wrapped around the back. He was quick and cautious with his steps, and as someone stepped out the back of the hotel for a smoke break Bucky sneaked in unnoticed.
It wasn't hard to find his way around, nor was it to get a master key, which he noted he had to return to the laundry cart so the employee wouldn’t get in trouble. Bucky found himself outside your room, and needed a few seconds before he used the key to enter. Bucky was met with… Chaos. A struggle happened, from the bedroom to this door, from what Bucky could tell and he felt himself clenching his metal hand. His jaws was tightened, and Bucky forced himself to focus.
He knew you, on some level. You would have your intel somewhere, and he knew those buffoons Olivier had wouldn’t have known to grab it. Bucky walked into the bedroom part of the suite and into the closet, reaching up to the tallest shelf, his fingers grazing what he was looking for. Pulling it down, Bucky shook his head at the fact you were still handwriting everything. He knew why, given what happened your first time here. Bucky set your box on the messy bed, and rummaged through it to gloss over your notes. He needed to know…
...What secrets Olivier had. Bucky pulled the page he needed and managed to slip back out the room, and the keycard he used back into the laundry cart on his way out. Bucky was losing daylight, he had to pick up something from his place before heading to the address on the paper he stuffed into his pocket.
He wasn’t one to be frantic or lose his head, but Bucky felt panic food the first time that night. He felt it in the steps he took to the rooftop of a building across the street, as he assembled his Kazurr rifle for the first time since using it on Nick Fury. Bucky took a solid breath before nuzzling the weapon into his shoulder and peering through, fixing the magnification as he tried to find you.
His grip changed as he watched the scene unfold in his scope, Olivier hovering over you before throwing something down and gripping your hands that were bound to the chair. Bucky exhaled, keeping his breath steady as he watched. You were still composed underneath the act, even as Olivier moved his hand to grip your cheeks and force you to look at him. Bucky looked around the room, he counted one...two...three...four other men besides Olivier in there as well. Bucky turned his attention back towards you, and waited for any kind of sign that you needed him.
He didn’t know what was being said, but when he saw the flash of real, true fright. But Bucky knew he had to act quickly. Fixing his grip on his rifle, he held his breath and re-aimed at the guards. One. A man dropped and the others looked around. Two. Another quick shot and they began to pull their firearms out. Three. Before he could reload another shot, he could see you fall backwards in the chair, snapping from the abnormal bend of its design. The fourth guard moved forward, gun raised but you were quick to throw one of the arms of the chair into the guards throat, and with the distraction grabbed their gun.
One shot. The man slumped to the ground and you pointed the gun to Olivier. You hesitated, watching as Olivier said something, to Bucky it looked like… Begging, almost. He could see you falter, questioning everything… Questioning Hydra. But you had only one choice to make and Bucky watched as you pulled the trigger.
Two shots. Bucky felt relief wash over him, and he lowered his rifle. He watched to see if you’d come out soon, see if you’d go back to your hotel and patch yourself up. He waited, until you flung the door open to the street that was starting to cover with snow. You looked around, and Bucky noticed you holding your side. He shook his head in disbelief, before watching you try to hold yourself against the wall but falling to the ground instead.
“Shit,” Bucky mumbled, leaving his gun behind and racing back where he came. The snow crunched under each step, crossing the street and feeling as if he wasn’t moving fast enough to you. When he finally got to your side you had bright white flakes on your hair and skin, flush from the freezing temperature.
You felt someone near you, a touch ever gentle to your cheek to fix your face upright. You forced your eyes open and saw the figure hunched over you, looking at your injury. You weren’t sure when it happened, but you felt the blood after you… Killed Olivier. It must’ve happened when you were taken, and why it felt like you were so lightheaded. You moved your hand to grip theirs which shocked them, and you whispered.
“Please,” you whispered, even if they wouldn’t meet your gaze. “Let me go.”
They looked at you, shocked more than likely, but didn’t respond. You weren’t sure if you were crying, but when they went back to put pressure on your wound with something, you shook your head and mumbled no’s under your breath.
You kept whispering no’s even when they picked you up from the ground and got you into a taxi, slipping the driver extra. You said it as you were escorted from the taxi to your room, laid onto your bed and as they disappeared to the bathroom. They kept the lights off as they worked on you, ignoring your pleas. You don’t know how long passed until they were done, but you were exhausted, and gave up. They had you cleaned and patched up, disposing of the garments they used and you could hear them wash their hands. Their footsteps were heavy and a bit familiar, but they walked past the bed to leave, but you had one more question for them.
“Why?” You asked into the darkness, hearing their footsteps stop. “Why..”
It was silent, and you got no answer. They didn’t leave right away, but when they did you let out a quiet sob…
“What did you just say?” Bucky said. You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked at him dead in the eyes this time.
“You should’ve left me-”
“Left you in that alley to freeze to death?” Bucky cut you off to ask, and took angry steps back to face you. “Left you to bleed out, is that it?”
“Yes!” You exclaimed and he laughed at that. But his expression fell into a glare, and you narrowed yours. Bucky reached for you and you swatted his hand away, but this time he was ready. He countered you with his metal arm and went to wrap your right arm behind you, but you outstretched your left hand to his neck, gripping hold of it in a not so forceful way. You both faltered a bit, pushing one another towards the ground, until you both kneeled before one another.
“Let me go,” you managed and Bucky shook his head.
“No,” he said in a deadpanned voice. You grumbled and Bucky finished things, using his free hand to grab yours from his neck and pulled you forward to his chest. You let out a quiet gasp, but you were inches from him, and locked your gaze with his.
“Barnes,” you warned and he shook his head in defiance. You tried to pull your arm from his grip, leaning backwards into yourself but he only followed. Bucky pulled you back into him, tighter but not to a point he’d hurt you, you noted.
“I want you to look me in the eyes,” he instructed and you diverted your gaze. Annoyed, Bucky moved his face into your line of sight and glared. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you’d rather you had died, then to have gotten the time you did with your family.”
Your expression fell, a frown falling over your lips. Bucky’s look softened too, and you finally felt your head shake and your shoulders shrug.
“I… I don’t know.”
Bucky sighed and looked down to the floor to collect his thoughts. You must’ve watched him, watched the emotions wash over him before he grimaced and finally met your gaze again. Bucky slowly stood and pulled you up with him and your mind ablaze led you to your bedroom before depositing you onto your bed and looking around your room.
“Where is it?” He asked you and your stomach felt like it twisted.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said. Bucky looked at you with an annoyed and deadly force, completely void of that somber expression from just a moment ago. He walked heavy footed to your closet and threw the door open, and you winced. He knew where to look, he knew you better than you wanted to admit. You watched him pull a box down and you closed your eyes tightly.
You listened to Bucky walk out the closet and towards the bed. You felt the edge dip from him sitting on the messy comforter, and finally opened up your eyes to the box sitting in front of you. You glanced over to him, and he gave you a knowing nod. You took a deep breath and with a trembling hand you unlatched the top and let it fall open.
There, all alone, was the small drive Happy had given you after Tony’s funeral. It went everywhere with you but was left unheard for over half a year… You shook your head.
It would stay that way.
“I can’t,” you whispered and Bucky in turn reached in for the drive, rolling it over his fingers as you watched.
“You can,” Bucky reassured you. You shook your head, and Bucky kept his eyes locked with yours and reached over to your bedside table, pulling out your suit attachment and laying it on the top, and putting the drive over it. Your attachment knew exactly what that was, and it formed into your helmet.
“You have to,” Bucky said as he stood, and the eyes on your helmet shined the familiar blue and at the foot of your bed…
Tony appeared.
- - - - - - - - - -
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So I thought it was interesting that when Jon was told by Tyrion that he was being sent back to the wall, he told Jon that he shall take no wife, hold no lands, and father no children.
Jon already knows that. He was in the Night's Watch! When I first watched the episode I was annoyed by that being included as Jon would be aware of this as would the viewers. I thought it was bad writing yet again as if the writers had once more forgotten a plot point such as Jon knowing the vows of the nights watch.
However, watching it again, to me it just sounded like things Jon will eventually end up doing. The ending was so open ended and was definitely set up for a sequel as in Tyrion's " Ask me again in ten years" statement.
I do think Jon will have children and they will be with Sansa because of some of the last scenes which included a focus on Longclaw. There is a shot focusing on Longclaw which mirrored the opening shot of season six episode four, where the scene was followed by reuniting with Sansa. In the finale, the focus shot that was followed by scenes of the Stark children foreshadowing that their line will continue.
Longclaw represents legacy and as Jon was told by Jorah that it would serve him well and his children after him, which then after that conversation in season seven was followed immediately by a scene of Sansa and Arya looking over Arya's courtyard, where Arya tells a story of her father watching her practice down below. This was also a callback to the first scene of the series where we saw Ned anf Catelyn watching their children in the courtyard.
In the finale during the Stark ending montage there is a sequence where Sansa's scenes follow Jon's and mirror one another This montage included a scene of Jon looking down into the courtyard at Castle Black into a crowd that includes mostly children of the freefolk. Again, a callback to the Ned and Catelyn scene in season one. There is then a scene of Jon walking through the crowd and he passes by a redheaded child. Redheads are referred to as being kissed by fire, but I also took it as being sired by fire which Jon as part Targaryen would be. Who could give Jon a redheaded child? Sansa. Who's has a mirrored scene next of walking through the crowd at Winterfell, their home.
The last scene of the show is Jon leaving the wall with the freefolk surrounded by mostly children. To me this foreshadowed hope and new life. Jon will return to Winterfell one day, marry and rule with Sansa, and sire children continuing the Stark family line.
For as we all know, there must always be a Stark at Winterfell and this must continue. It will be continued through Jon and Sansa.
an: :3 welcome to a new fic bc idk how to control myself
WARNING: this part does depict alcohol usage, and mentions of other substances a character uses to cope (though nothing is explicitly mentioned).
“An unemployment and housing crisis skyrockets to higher levels as people still struggle to adjust and accommodate the population we had years ago. Streets are littered with people seeking hope-”
“According to world economists, the surge in loan denials is leading to an unprecedented end, leaving the experts scrambling for a way to get the economy back on track, also claiming that the Global Repatriation Council may be asking for too much-”
“Protests break out across Switzerland as support for the group known as the Flag Smashers rises, with the Global Repatriation Council denying any comment on the matter, as well as refusing to comment on the rumours that the newly titled Captain America is investigating the matter-”
“What can we expect from Stark Industries now that Tony Stark is no longer with us? Pepper Potts, while having led the company in a positive direction prior to the Blip, has had no new developments over the last six months. With these newfound challenges the world is facing we’re left to wonder.. Who is going to step up as the ingenious mind behind new innovation? Will the youngest Stark continue on in the steps of father and brother, or are we seeing the end of the Stark Legacy?”
Click.
Silence filled the blue colored cottage that was tucked away at the end of the street in Ransdorp. Though dim and lifeless inside the cottage, outside the sun shined while birds chirped away happily and the sound of children playing echoed through the air. But inside the cottage, all alone, someone stood and tossed a television remote back onto the couch that was once occupied. They shed the blanket that had been wrapped around their shoulders all night while listening to all the different news reports, and entering a small bedroom and dressed in the dark. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and after shuffling through the cottage to grab a few things, the back doors were pushed and locked open, and a breeze blew through the house.
You squinted as you put a sun hat on and oversized sunglasses, overlooking the green oasis you had worked on every day for the last six months. Pushing away the thoughts of what the news had been saying, you stepped down onto the wooden patio that lined the back door and carried a hefty packed bag with you to the garden you had planted. You set the bag down and kneeled into the soft grass, and got to work on picking on fresh vegetables to use for your dinner later. Lucky for you, the soil was perfect here.
So… How have the last six months been for you?
Well the garden was a distraction your neighbor had suggested after finally catching you one day while throwing out a bag full of alcohol bottles you had consumed. You could see her take a second glance over your disheveled appearance, but she ignored it for the most part (which thankfully she did, you were a little sick of people telling you how to feel at the time). Naturally, instead of working through your problems, you distracted yourself from them.
But in all honesty… It’s been hard. Maybe it was selfish of you to think so, but you felt like you had been dealt one of the shittiest hands from the universe. The pressure from the world after… After Tony’s death was suffocating. As more paparazzi followed you around, the worse that anxiety had gotten. With that newfound attention, you had also been summoned by the United States government to attest for your time as a HYDRA agent. Lucky for you, in some way, they dropped any serious charges due to your restraint under the program, but sentenced you to weekly therapy sessions (since SHIELD had denied to disclose your mental capabilities). To your knowledge, Bucky Barnes had been offered a similar deal. The therapy lasted all of a month before you… Negotiated your way out of it, and returned to this safe place.
You drowned yourself in drinks and other activities after leaving New York, which in turn made your black-out episodes reappear, which had become evident as the photographed wall in your second bedroom started to be crossed out fast. You couldn’t help but twitch at the thought, and steered clear of that subject. But as of five months ago, you were all but cut off from all things Avengers.
Everyone had gone their own separate ways for the most part. Wanda was off the radar, Sam had gone and gotten a contract with the Air Force, Clint got his family back, Rhodey was some top notch Air Force guy (you didn’t really know what he was up to nowadays), Thor was gone offworld, Scott was making up for lost time with his family, and Bucky… Well, you didn’t know much about that situation either. Sam had tried to reach out after everything, but in one of your drunken states you threw your phone in the Weersloot river. You didn’t need a reminder of that day, or those few weeks even.
You never played the message Happy had given you from Tony. You never had the courage to do so, and you had it tucked away in your room safe and sound. Honestly? You were starting to think you never would be ready to hear what Tony had to say to you before he died. You just couldn’t bear to hear it, never would… Because if he even mentioned someone’s name you didn’t know how you would react.
When you started to think about Steve, you picked up a drink to take your mind off it. You had yet to come to terms with him leaving, because it still hurt like the day it happened.
Losing Tony was the worst thing that could’ve happened in your eyes. He was your family, though Pepper and Morgan had become your family too, Tony was the last piece of your family you could hold onto. The last shred to the past you fought so hard to remember and cherish, and now him and that part of you was gone. He was your everything. He always would be.
But Steve? Losing Steve wasn’t something you had ever even considered. While Tony was your soul, Steve was your heart. Despite everything you two had been through, the feelings hurt and the years it took to make it back together, Steve always had your heart. He was the man you wanted to fall asleep with and wake up to. He was the man you talked about growing old with, what life would be like if he gave up the Captain America mantle, he was supposed to be your future...
And then he stayed in the past, and left you here confused. Hurt. Alone.
You lost the two people you had left in the world. Your heart and your soul. And it was the most devastating blow you had ever felt… Everyday you wondered how someone comes back from something like that, if it was even possible.
Your thoughts were interrupted when a hefty softball landed in a thud in your garden and smushed one of your little tomatoes. You blinked at the sight before grabbing the ball and looking up to see the familiar short boy next door pulling himself up on the fence that separated your yard from his, and you grabbed a rag from your bag and wiped the softball off.
“Je vernielt in zijn eentje mijn tuin, weet je,” (You’re single-handedly ruining my garden, you know) you said to the boy and looked up at him through your sunglasses.
“Vergeef mij,” (Forgive me) he said and rested his head on his hands to watch you finish wiping his ball off. “Mijn vader wilde niet met mij spelen” (My dad wouldn’t play with me).
You stopped wiping for a moment and could see the sad look in the kids face. You smiled softly and stood, making your way over to the fence and handing him his ball back, though his expression didn’t change.
“Vraag het me de volgende keer dat je wilt spelen, oké?” (Next time you want to play, come ask me, okay?) You told him, and the smile reappeared on his face and he gave you a nod. You ruffled his hair as he jumped back off the fence and played once again. You went back to your bag, now full with vegetables, and picked it up to head back inside. You had a sweet pasta recipe to try tonight, and you think what you selected should work great-
You stopped in your tracks right before the back door. You lowered your sunglasses and lowered your gaze to the ground as you tried to focus on the sound in the air, the shift in the environment. You may have been slightly hungover but the presence was not hard to miss. You straightened your stance and gripped your sunglasses in your fist.
“Sam?” You called out. At first there wasn’t any rustling, but after a few moments you heard your back gate unlock and creak open, and that’s when you could hear the extra set of footsteps. You slowly turned around to face who had finally tracked you down, and were met with Sam Wilson… And Bucky Barnes in tow.
“What are you doing here?” You more so asked Sam. The pair glanced at one another and Bucky nodded his head at his partner in crime (God, you could just tell they were up to something) and Sam shoved his hands into the jacket he had been wearing.
“We came to see you, check in on how you’re doing,” Sam said. You chuckled a bit, and shook your head.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” you called him out. “What are you really doing here?”
“We need your help,” Bucky said. You bit your tongue and looked them over, maybe just a little curious as to what was going on. Just a little. “We stumbled onto something that I think you may have some information on.”
You hummed to yourself for a moment, thinking it over. Truthfully, the last thing you needed was whatever this was. So you shook your head and shrugged your shoulders. “I’m afraid I can’t help, but thanks for thinking of me.”
You turned your back on them and stepped up a couple steps into your house, and was all but ready to close the door to the world and close yourself off from Sam and Bucky, but Bucky took a step forward.
“There’s more super soldiers out there,” Bucky said in a serious tone. You stopped in your tracks, gripping onto your door for a few moments before looking back out to the pair. Bucky was watching you intently, in a stare you had only seen on him once before (which you didn’t want to recount at the moment). There was movement near the fence, and your eyes darted there to see the neighbor boy peeping his head over to see what was going on. When his gaze met yours, and you gave him “the look” he disappeared just as quickly as he appeared, and you looked back at the pair standing in your yard and against all better judgement, motioned your head behind you. Understanding your cue, Sam led the way inside, and you shut the door quickly behind Bucky.
You moved around the burly super soldier and brushed past Sam to set your bag of veggies in your kitchen. You had to take a moment to compose yourself before facing the duo who had been watching you intently. “Okay.. Go on. What do you mean there’s more super soldiers?”
Sam grabbed something from his pocket, a phone it looked like, and pulled something up before handing you the device. You hesitantly took it and looked down at the phone, where a video began playing of the recent Gasel Bank heist. You watched as someone got beaten to the ground, but what was astonishing was the sheer strength the masked person showed. Captivated, you carried the device into the living room and plopped down into the cushions of your sofa and watched more footage, this time up close from what you could guess were Dumb and Dumber who moved to hover over you.
“We were hoping you might know something,” Sam said. You handed his phone back to him which he graciously accepted, and you tapped your fingers together in thought before looking over at Bucky.
“What makes you think I know anything?” You asked. Bucky seemed to huff in annoyance at your questioning him, in all honesty you just wanted to hear him say it.
“You and I both know what went into the replication of that serum, your program especially,” Bucky said. You felt a lump form at the back of your throat and you casted your eyes downward. “You were still there after me… Did they perfect Stark’s serum?”
You looked back up at his question, and you held his gaze for a moment. You couldn’t believe this was how your day was turning, and you were pissed that he of all people were bringing up your past, like you volunteered for any of that shit. You lightly bounced your leg as you fought to remember what you had known.
“HYDRA had been unsuccessful in using my father’s formula of the serum again, even after you managed to escape their hold,” you started. You swallowed the lump in the back of your throat and leaned back into the couch, averting your gaze from Bucky to the floor as you searched your memory. “They brought in a scientist, but it wasn’t my op, and it was on a need to know basis. The only reason we knew they started the research again was they started taking people from the Phantom program to test the serum on.”
“Phantom program?” Sam asked.
“That’s what they called us,” you mumbled. “All of us were deemed dead so… It was only fitting.”
“Did the scientist perfect the serum?” Bucky asked. You shrugged your shoulders and met his look again.
“Didn’t think so,” you answered honestly. “So if there’s serum still out there, he has to be your guy. Though I can say I didn’t see any kind of sign of that activity when working with SHIELD.”
“But it’s a start,” Sam nodded and Bucky looked his way. The two started sharing odd glances, and you watched in confusion. Sam suddenly looked your way and motioned around. “Think you could spare some time and do this mission with us?”
“Sam-” Bucky began to say as a warning, but you chuckled a bit which made him stop.
“I don’t do this anymore,” you told them as you motioned between them.
“Come on (Y/N),” Sam tried to reason as you stood up and walked your way back into the kitchen and opened up a cabinet in search of tonight’s bottle of wine to go with dinner. “I get that you’re going through it, I really do, but-”
Just as you managed to select the perfect medium-bodied red wine, Sam had come up beside you and took the bottle out of your hand. “This isn’t going to help you.”
“Yeah Sam and what is?” You asked while crossing your arms. “Because right now the only thing that would help me out is to see my brother again but guess what! It’s not going to fucking happen! It’s just me, here, and all by myself. All by myself…”
Your words trailed off as a heaviness grew in your chest. The atmosphere in the room was a lot more stuffy, and you would rather curl up and disappear then let Sam (and Bucky) see you cry. But here you fucking were, with Sam seeing the tears build up in your eyes and the look he gave you, you wanted to be mad but the only thing that you could seem to feel was just sad. You blinked back the feeling and took a glance back at Bucky, who stood in your living room and averted his gaze. You looked back at Sam, and put on the best front you could.
“You’re welcome to stay for the night, someone can take the bed in my room and someone can take the couch, but tomorrow? We go our separate ways again,” you said in a low tone. Sam’s look at you was… Disappointment. Before the sentiment could settle on your already guilty conscience you turned around and grabbed your keys and a peacoat and stopped at the front door. “Help yourselves to whatever you need.”
With that, you pulled the door open and just as swiftly shut behind you. The cottage walls shook for a moment before settling to a silence inside. Sam looked down at the bottle in his hand and set it back onto the counter before looking Bucky’s way, who still looked annoyed.
“What?” Bucky defensively asked when he noticed Sam’s stare. Sam shook his head at him and pushed the wine bottle to the back of the counter.
“You pushed that too hard,” Sam said, to which Bucky scoffed.
“Me? You’re the one who asked her to join us which, by the way, where did that come from?” Bucky questioned as Sam came back to the living room and sat down on the couch. Sam leaned forward with his arms on his legs and rubbed his hands together.
“Take a look around Robo-cop,” Sam emphasized and Bucky let out an annoyed sigh. “You’re seeing what I’m seeing, right?”
Bucky looked around at your surroundings. He wouldn’t peg it as chaotic, but he also couldn’t pin it as put together. There were personal touches here and there, but it didn’t feel like you belonged here. Bucky wasn’t blind to what was going on here, but he also didn’t see how that pertained to what Sam was suggesting.
“Sam, we came for some information, we got it, so why don’t you tell me what you’re trying to say,” Bucky replied. Sam rolled his eyes and leaned back into the cushions.
“We let her come here, by herself, even knowing how devastated she was after Tony died,” Sam explained. Bucky’s eyes darted to the floor at the memory of him following you out to that shed the day of Tony’s funeral, and the empty expression your eyes held. “Hell, we don’t even know how she felt about Steve. We should’ve been here for this. And that makes us shitty friends.”
“Ah, I wouldn’t say we’re friends-”
“Oh I’m sorry, who's the one that said she owed you a favor?” Sam asked and Bucky shrugged his shoulders.
“I did, but that doesn’t mean-”
“Nah ah,” Sam cut him off and Bucky rolled his eyes. “If you two owe one another favors, then your friends.”
You tossed your glass bottle of whatever the hell it was you drank earlier into a trash can on your way back home. You pulled your keys out of your jacket pocket and jingled them around until you found your house key and hipped quietly. Your cottage was just in view and all the lights were out. You grumbled to yourself as you neared, forced to remember what had happened earlier in the day (and boy did you work hard to forget that Sam and bucky were at your lace haha). You stumbled up the two steps to your door and used the wall to steady yourself, before quietly shoving your key into the door and pushed the door open.
It took a second to adjust to the environment, but the whole cottage was pitch black, besides whatever light from the moon managed to filter in. You carefully walked around the couch and glanced down at who occupied it, and when you saw Sam peacefully asleep you then looked at the door to your room and shuddered at the fact Bucky must’ve taken residence in there. You huffed a bit, and pulled a spare blanket out of a basket and moved to the back door. When you finally got outside and shut the door to not disturb your guest you tossed your blanket onto the patio sofa you had and kicked your shoes off.
After shedding yourself of your peacoat and plopping down on the hard cushions, you inwardly cursed the two men inside. You were doing just fine before their arrival, you had a schedule of self loathing and drinking then sleeping that they were interrupting. You just weren’t looking forward to the repercussions of tonight’s sleep. You laid back across the sofa and looked up at the sky, though nothing was there anymore. Or at least there wasn’t anything you could see.
Let’s be honest here. The reason you had turned to drinking was because of the fuzzy feeling you got after awhile. Your mind got to drift to something else besides the memories of your past, like… what to drink next, or in this case, is that a star or an airplane? It made the moment more simple, it made you forget who you were until you woke up again. That didn’t mean you didn’t resent yourself for your actions, but you just added that to the list of reasons why your endgame was the best resolution. You just weren’t ready to tell anyone what that endgame was.
Your gate creaked and you tilted your head to look in that direction. You could barely make out the figure as they neared, Bucky’s face became more clear. You looked back up to the sky and shook your head a bit to yourself. Bucky came to a stop close to you, and sighed a bit.
“You should go inside,” He said quietly.
“You should just leave me alone,” you quipped back to him. Though you couldn’t see it, Bucky rolled his eyes at your drunken response. You suddenly felt a lot more sober, and you turned your head to face him. “You had no right, you know.”
“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked and you huffed.
“You had no right to bring up the Phantom program. I didn’t tell anyone about that, not even Tony,” you admitted to him. Bucky bit his tongue and looked up at the sky for a moment to collect himself. “I didn’t want anyone to go digging into the extent of that.”
“I didn’t know,” Bucky admitted. You blinked at him as he caught your gaze again. “Look… I’m sorry.”
You fell silent before letting out a small sigh and adjusting yourself to be a little more comfortable, your head finally starting to feel dizzy again. But Bucky wasn’t ready to settle this, he shifted his weight and turned to face you.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Bucky asked. Your eyes fluttered back open and you looked over at him. He had taken a step closer, and hovered over you, and you raised a brow.
“What are you talking about?” You asked him this time.
“The drinking,” Bucky pointed out. You huffed and turned your head in the opposite direction into the cushions, and Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s not going to help you know.”
“Yeah and how would you know?” You asked and looked back at him. Bucky leaned down to get in your face, and you tried to move back from him.
“Because I’m probably the only person who really knows what’s going on in your head.”
You bit your tongue, and Bucky backed off. In a bit of a daze, you plopped back down onto the cushions and pulled the blanket you brought out up to your chin. Bucky rolled his eyes at you shutting him down, and he moved to the door to go inside. The sooner the morning came and Sam and he could leave, the better for him.
“I never blamed you, you know,” you said in a light voice. Bucky stopped in his tracks and looked over at you. Your eyes were closed, and you were breathing evenly. Bucky retracted his hand from the door knob and took a couple steps closer. He needed to hear that again.
“What did you say?” He asked. You stirred a bit, but didn’t answer him. Carefully, Bucky used his gloved hand to touch your shoulder, and give you a small shake. When you still didn’t say anything, Bucky sighed and looked between the door and you and cursed in his head.
Bucky carefully slid an arm under your shoulders, and then hooked his other under your legs. He hoisted you up into his arms and into his chest, and your head rolled into his arm. Bucky shook his head at it and carefully brought you back inside, and past the couch, and pushed your room door open with his foot. Bucky sat himself on the edge of your bed and balanced you in his lap with one arm, and pulled your blankets open with a free hand. When he finally got you into your own bed, he took the blanket you had outside from you and tossed it onto his shoulder, and pulled the blankets on the bed onto you. Bucky stood from your bed, and before leaving the room he took a final glance at you as you stirred just slightly.
Bucky closed your door, and walked back towards the couch and settled himself onto the floor. As his back met the floor, he couldn’t help but wonder if you meant what you said, about not blaming him for what happened. One thing he did know was he meant what he said. Bucky stared at the door to the second room in the house, and he shook his head.
If there was one person he truly wanted to make amends with, it was you. After all, you were on his list of names.
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taglist // message me to be added or feel free to add yourself!!
Tony Stark sacrificed his life with the intention of saving the world and his family. In doing so, the youngest of Stark's has been left alone in the world for the first time since being rescued from HYDRA. The last of Howard and Maria's children, the question has risen from the public eye on if they will take the place their brother and father held. Now faced with the demons of their past, how will they learn to live in a world without their family, and how will they finally deal with the trauma that lingers in their mind?
Six months have passed since Tony's snap. Six months of self-destruction and confining themselves from the world, the youngest Stark is doing whatever they can to fight off the thoughts of their fallen family and losing the man who was supposed to be there always, wondering how to carry on the Stark Legacy.
Following the events of Stark's Girl, explore the world post-Blip, post-Tony Stark's death. A look into the deep trauma of losing family and love, the history of HYDRA and the unknown brutal assassin program they hid for years, and the real truth about what happened in Paris 2015.
chapter one : "the only person"
chapter two : "the same fucked up past"
chapter three : "you knew?"
chapter four : "i thought i made him happy" (TBA)
chapter five : "the phantom program" (TBA)
chapter six : "the truth about paris, and the winter soldier" (TBA)
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