Tonight’s IMCW Meeting
Tonight’s Insight Meditation Community of Washington meeting was about resilience and starting over. Great topics for me, as I’m like a newborn baby. Well, I’m like a newborn baby with lousy credit. I am completely starting over from scratch. I have almost no actual “things”. Aside from trying to catch up with the developments in my work from the past 987 days, I really don’t have that much going on, either.
But I am starting over from scratch. I am trying to delete all the crap I put on the Internet before I was locked up. To try and erase the history of which I am so ashamed. It will take time. I can do a little bit each day. Just like I can do a little bit of catching up with the state-of-the-art at work, a little at a time.
I still very wary when I leave the house, or see police, that they are coming for me, even though I am doing nothing wrong, nor do I have plans to do anything wrong.
But I can’t give up. I just have to keep returning to the beginning, and starting anew, just like each time, while meditating that I return to the breath after every time I drift away with plans for the future, regrets from the past, or just fantasyland.
The key is to remember to be gentle with myself and take small steps everyday. This will take time. But as long as I’m not locked up, I can keep making adjustments in course to get where I want to be.
Where is that?
Good question. I suppose living with a gentle heart, seeing my kids grow, supporting them and being a normal member of society.