just giving in | startrailsmarkthepassingoftime
Elliott looked down his nose as he exhaled out of his mouth, watching his breath mist in the cold air and float out for a moment before fading away. It was late, and it was cold outside, and he'd realized somewhat belatedly that he'd forgotten to bring his coat before going out. But he didn't feel like going back to get it; he just crossed his arms close to his body and tried to keep his hands warm. He didn't mind it so much, anyway.
He paused on a bridge and leaned against the side, looking out the water below him. It was still, more or less, and it looked black in the dark. The view was nice, though, he thought, resting his chin on his arms.
Around then was about the time he ought to be taking his medication, if he had any left to take. He hadn't been able to get his refill that week, and he'd taken the rest of it as prescribed. He didn't even like taking his meds, but he needed them, a fact that was annoyingly proven by how he felt.
Or, rather, the lack of feeling. The apathy had been sinking in over the past few days, and he hadn't quite been able to hold it off. He sighed, watching it condense into mist only to fade away again. A breeze made him shiver, and he looked down at the water to see if it would have any effect. He was watching the miniature waves travel along the water, thinking maybe he could just let himself settle into the apathy for a little while, when it occurred to him that he was on a bridge. It wasn't very high up, but that wasn't what he wanted, exactly.
The way he lifted himself up onto the edge was more automatic than anything. He was sitting over the edge of the bridge before he even realized he'd moved, and he stared down at the water for a long moment. He knew, abstractly, that he wasn't in the best state of mind, and he also knew that the water was bound to be freezing. But, that was sort of the point.
All he had to do was let himself slide off. It'd be so easy. And it wasn't as though he'd drown--the water was calm. Cold, but calm. Maybe it would help...maybe...
