Backwards
Intro: Okie dokie here is the entire story from beginning to end. It is very long.
Pairing: Bones x Reader
Word Count: 9,018 (I warned you)
Triggers: sexual assault attempt, bullying, mild swearing, rude name calling.
Summary: Reader is a botanist on the Enterprise who is bullied often and has low self esteem, and happens to run into Bones one day and develops a crush instantly (who wouldn’t, really?). Reader works with Bones to save Spock from an injury from an away-mission. The bullying gets worse as the story goes on and eventually leads to an attempt at sexual assault. Reader gets away and doesn’t know who to turn to (maybe a certain friendly yet grumpy space doctor?).
ALSO: I did split this story up into 4 parts so if you want to read them in smaller chunks just click the link below.
Read part 1: Backwards p.t. 1
Read part 2: Backwards p.t. 2
Read part 3: Backwards p.t. 3
Read part 4: Backwards p.t. 4
-Enjoy!-
““It’s so easy, to think about love, to talk about love, to wish for love, But it’s not always easy to recognize love, even when we hold it in our hands.”
You read the last line of your book and set it down. Light was beginning to stream in from the hallway and you realized what time it was. If you fell asleep right now you would have 2 hours before your alarm went off. You groaned and fell back into the soft pillows on the bed. Rubbing your eyes you decided it would be easier to get an early start to your day rather than getting half-assed sleep.
Swinging your legs over the bed you got up, showered, and put your blue Starfleet uniform on.
You decided to head down to the mess hall to get some breakfast before getting to work.
Passing the medbay on the way, you decided to go in and ask one of the nurses for a headache-reliever to stop the one forming around your temples.
All the patient rooms were dark, as the medbay hadn’t been too busy lately save for a bump or bruise here or there.
The only light on was coming from Dr. McCoy’s office. Everyone knew the stern, grumpy, intelligent doctor, as he was best friends with the Captain and always seemed to be on the bridge and involved in away-missions.
The door to his office was open and you peered into the dimly lit room. Dr. McCoy was asleep at his desk, his head resting on his forearms, and his mouth slightly open, a small spindle of drool dripping onto the desktop.
You decided not to bother the sleeping doctor for a measly headache-reliever and turned to leave, but as you did you skimmed your elbow over a stack of papers on the shelf, knocking them to the ground with a rustle.
"Shit.” You whispered and bent to quickly pick them up.
“Can I help you?” Dr. McCoy’s voice sounded groggy and tired, and you looked up into extremely drowsy brown eyes.
His hair was sticking up at a weird angle and you almost giggled at his un-groomed appearance, as he was usually pristine in his looks. You quickly repressed your laugh and turned your eyes back to the fallen papers, scrambling to pick them up as you rambled,
“Sorry, doctor, I was just passing by and I thought I’d ask the nurses for a headache-reliever, but there was no-one out there, and then I saw your light on and… I’m really sorry, I will be going now.”
You turned to dash out of the room, your cheeks burning from the embarrassment of disturbing the doctor but you were stopped by the sound of his voice.
“I can get you a headache-reliever.” He said kindly and you looked up to see him getting out of his chair, his hands smoothing his uniform, but he was still unaware of the state of his hair.
“No, doctor… I don’t want to be a bother; you can just go back to sleeping… or working… or whatever you were doing.” You almost laughed at how idiotic you sounded, but stopped as he continued moving towards you.
“Relax, darlin’, it’s just in the med room, it’s no trouble.” He said as he passed you and went through the door into the medbay.
You felt your cheeks warm unintentionally at the nickname and followed him into the dark medbay.
He easily found the cupboard where they were kept and pulled one of the hypos out, loading it with the medication. He made eye contact with you and for a brief moment neither of you said anything, just locked eyes.
“Your neck?” Dr. McCoy said amusingly.
Your hand instinctively reached up and brushed your neck, “what about it? Is there something on it?”
Dr. McCoy smiled at you (the first time you had seen this smile outside Kirk saying something to make him laugh), probably laughing at the grimace of confusion that was evident on your face.
“For the hypo.” He said, lifting the small cylindrical object into your line of sight.
“Oh! Haha!” You laughed uncomfortably, embarrassed at your own stupidity, and pulled your hair off your neck to expose it.
He injected the hypo easily, as you were sure he had done a thousand times before, and you felt your headache start to melt away instantly.
Your face must have shown your relief as you opened your eyes to Dr. McCoy’s amused smile again. It really was a nice smile.
“Feel better?” He asked as he threw the hypo away.
“Much.” You responded and started to back away towards the exit, “thank you so much, I really didn’t mean to bother you, so sorry again.”
His face was full of amusement, but not the amusement you were used to, which was hurtful and mocking. No, this was kind and gentle, like he enjoyed your bantering and clumsiness.
Speaking of clumsiness, as you backed away from him you rammed your back into a med cart with a crash, and if not for Dr. McCoy’s steadying hand on your arm, you would have fallen to the ground.
Why did you have to be so clumsy and awkward? You thought to yourself as you looked up at the doctor, his hand still wrapped around your upper arm.
“Thank you,” you said quickly, pulling away from his grasp, “I am just going to get some breakfast now, and walk forwards, not backwards from now on.”
You laughed in spite of yourself and saluted with two fingers to him as you spun around. You heard him chuckling behind you and wished you hadn’t spun around so fast so you could see his kind smile again.
You were almost at the medbay doors when Dr. McCoy suddenly reappeared beside you.
“Mind if I join you? I could use some waffles and a cup of coffee.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and meeting your eyes.
You stopped and smiled, your heart soaring, “Sure!” You said, probably too excitedly, “I could use some company.”
He smiled back at you and he started walking, but stopped once he realized that you weren’t walking with him. He turned back and looked at you quizzically, and before he could ask if you were coming, you spoke,
“You probably want to fix your hair first.” You teased and laughed at his facial expressions as he reached up and felt his hair that was still sticking up on its end.
“Was it like that the whole time?” He asked, mocking desperation and checking his reflection in the reflective window of the patient’s room.
You nodded and giggled as he scurried back into his office. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” He said, reappearing, combing his hair which he must have dampened in the sink.
“I thought it looked cute.” You blurted, smiling up at him, instantly feeling your cheeks blush as you realized that you probably shouldn’t have said that.
“Well thanks, darlin’, but I looked like a right idiot the whole time.” He drawled, his southern accent becoming apparent, “Well, now that I look like a proper human let’s go get some breakfast.”
You nodded and walked beside him out the door and into the bright hallway lights, a flame of something deeper than happiness igniting inside of you.
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Breakfast was excellent and you left the now empty mess hall feeling giddy and cheerful from your encounter with the doctor.
The two of you had talked non-stop for an hour and a half about your work as the ship’s only botanist, and he told many interesting stories about dire patients that he saved and dangerous situations that he had been in. Most of his stories involved Captain Kirk and 1st Officer Spock battling aliens and saving planets and you loved seeing the way his eyes light up as he told them, even if he pretended to be annoyed at Kirk’s antics and Spock’s never-ending logic. But he also wanted to hear about your life and what made you want to become a botanist, and you had a few interesting stories up your sleeve, but none compared to his. Even so, he listened intently and asked questions, stating that you two should collaborate and figure out some herbal supplements and treatments for patients. He even asked you to call him Leonard. You knew you were going to be replaying the conversation in your head all day, but still forced yourself to go to your lab and start on your day’s work.
There were many plant species that were picked up on the last away-mission that needed to be classified and documented, and you did your work happily and without complaint. Yes it was tedious work but you enjoyed every second of it.
At lunch time you looked for the Leonard but he wasn’t in the mess hall. Probably working or hanging out with Captain Kirk on the bridge. You picked up your lunch tray and went to travel to your normal spot in the hall, only to find it occupied by a group of people from your year in the Academy. You quickly tried to retreat but they had seen you and it was too late.
“Hey Y/N!” One boy in a red engineering shirt shouted.
You turned around slowly and offered him a polite smile and nod.
“Did I hear correctly that you were having a breakfast date with Dr. McCoy this morning?” The boy sneered, an evil amused grin on his face.
Leonard’s kind amused smile flashed in your memory and you wish it was him instead of this idiot that you were dealing with.
“Yes we had breakfast together, as colleagues.” You informed him, your smile now fading.
“Sure, sure. So has he nailed you yet? I was told that he sleeps with every nurse and science officer that he finds attractive, and by the look of those smoking legs, sweetheart, that is what he is after.” The boy snickered, looking to his friends for acknowledgement of his insult and they all smiled and laughed with him, their eyes now flicking back to you for a response.
You know you probably should be at least a little flattered that he thought you had nice legs, but it made you want to pull down the hem of your dress lower to cover more skin. During breakfast with Leonard you had been glad you hadn’t put on leggings, but now you regretted it.
Your cheeks flamed, anger flushing through your veins at his remarks about Leonard, and you tilted your chin up and looked down at the group, hoping your facial expression was ice-cold and mean.
“That’s not what I’ve heard, and he is very kind for your information.” You snapped at the entire jeering group, “And you, douche-nozzle, you should take some pointers from him, so you can actually keep a girlfriend for longer than a week.” You don’t know why you said it (or where you came up with the term “douche-nozzle”) but the words just fell from your lips.
The boy’s gaze had turned from amused to a dark glare and with an evil grin he smirked, “you’ll regret this, plant freak, you’ll regret this.”
You started backing away, glad that this encounter was over but you rammed right into a garbage disposal unit and your entire tray of food tipped out onto your uniform dress. Tears pricked your eyes as you heard cackling from not only the table of your classmates, but also other tables scattered around the hall. Looking up you saw through tear-stained eyes that all eyes were on you. Some held looks of pity or sympathy, some looked as if they might die of laughter, and a few looked like they might come and help you.
But instead you turned and ran out of the mess hall. This day that had started off perfect had ended up terrible.
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Back in your room you cleaned off, blood boiling as you continue to hear your colleague’s mocking laughs and hurtful words ringing in your ears. Frustrated tears stream down your cheeks involuntarily.
You were used to being teased, it was nothing new to you. You were top of your class at the Academy, but top of your class in botany is much less noble than top of the class in engineering or medicine or command. You had thought about joining one of the big 3, but engineering was too mechanical and cold, nothing living to be found. And medicine was too intense, and though you didn’t mind the guts and bodily fluids, seeing the medical team running around like they did was not something you wanted. And command, well, there was no chance for that, as you could barely be heard in a group of 5 people let alone an entire ship and crew. 'Plant Freak’ was your most regularly used nickname and you tried to convince yourself that it didn’t hurt you, but it did.
You sniffled and had just shimmied into a clean uniform when you heard an urgent knock at the door. Your heart stopped and you hoped it wasn’t one of the boys from the group looking for revenge. You wiped the remnants of tears off your cheeks, but didn’t have time to make your face any less puffy or red.
Pressing the button to open the door you saw a crew member that you had never seen before, and she was wearing a crisp white uniform with a medical insignia, so you assumed she was a nurse. Her alien features lit up when she saw you and began speaking desperately,
“Lieutenant Y/N?” She asked, her eyes taking you in, puffy face and all.
“Yes, that’s me.” You responded, still confused about why she was here.
“Dr. McCoy sent me; he needs you in the medbay immediately.” She reported, speaking so fast you almost didn’t catch what she was saying. Your heart leaped up into your throat. Leonard needed you? You thought. Was it something about the breakfast you shared this morning? You wondered but were suddenly jerked out of your thoughts as you saw the urgent look on the nurse’s face.
“What does he need?” You asked.
“He didn’t say. He just said to come and get you and that it was an emergency.” She explained and motioned into the hallway for you to follow.
“Yes, okay, well let’s go.” You blurted and followed her as she ran through the hallways to the medbay.
The medbay looked a lot different than it had this morning. People were buzzing around everywhere, but there was one room that most people seemed to be rushing in and out of.
The nurse led you into that room, and you squeezed past the crowding mob of bodies until you saw what the commotion was about.
1st Officer Spock was lying on one of the beds, a very large gash in his side, which was oozing green-black blood. But what was really odd was that his skin was almost white, and you could see the veins and arteries traced under his skin, dark green lines spreading across his body. The monitors were going crazy and you finally saw Leonard, barking orders at basically everyone. He didn’t look like the kind, gentle man you’d met this morning, he looked like what his title entailed, Chief Medical Officer. Finally his eyes rested on you and he looked relieved as he rushed towards you, his eye contact only breaking to shout some more orders at some more people. Once he reached you he placed a hand on your shoulder firmly.
“Thank the stars you are here, Y/N. I need you to do something for me.” His eyes were kind but urgent, sweat glistening off his brow, and his hand on your shoulder shaking slightly.
“What happened?” You asked quietly, eyes flicking to the prone officer on the bed. You now suddenly saw Captain Kirk in the room by the window, his whole demeanor setting off a vibe of stress and anxiety, and it looked like he should be in a medical bed too. His shirt was ripped and stained and he had blood dripping from a cut below his eye but he didn’t seem like he noticed as he leaned over Spock, a desperate worrisome look on his face.
“Kirk and Spock just came back from an away mission and Spock got shot with some weird alien hand-gun-thing that seems to be causing disseminated intravascular coagulation, but he is not responding to the medication.” Leonard explained frantically, almost speaking faster than the nurse had when she had come to your door. He was about to continue when he saw your brows furrow.
He sighed and continued, “disseminated intravascular coagulation is…”
“I know what it is, doctor,” You interrupted, meeting his desperate eyes, “Spock is forming clots in every one of his blood vessels, cutting off blood supply to just about everything.”
“Exactly,” he said, removing his hand from your shoulder and looking back to the chaotic room, “I need you to get me some…”
“Seabaene.” You finished his sentence for him, “Spock need Seabaene! I have some in my lab!"
You jumped up excitedly and Leonard’s face lit up.
"Exactly! And we need it fast…” But before you heard the rest of his sentence you were running out the door, pushing people out of the way and sprinting down the hallway to your lab.
You slid into the open doors of your lab and reached the supply room where you kept dried Seabaene, as well as one vial of a salve already prepared. You grabbed two bags of the dried leaves and the vial and turned, sprinting out of the room and back towards the medbay.
Adrenaline coursed through your body, your heart hammering in your chest and your hands shaking around the supplies but you made it back to the medbay without stopping, pushing past people again to get back into the room.
Spock looked even worse than he had when you left; the dark green blood vessels had spread and were even more prominent under his deathly white skin. The monitor that showed his vital signs were going crazy and his heart rate was insanely fast.
You spotted Leonard, looking both frazzled and focused at the same time, if that was possible.
“Leonard!” You yelled and his head sprung up from examining Spock and his gaze locked on yours.
You threw him the vial of salve over Spock and Leonard caught it easily, removing the cap as soon as it was in his hands.
“That should work; just spread it on his skin, as much as you can.” You instructed between breaths, willing your heart to slow down so you could focus
The doctor did just that and everyone became silent as they watched the monitors for signs of stabilization, but nothing happened. Suddenly everyone’s eyes were on you. You froze, locking eyes with Leonard, his face frozen in an expression of intense thought, and you could tell his brain was elsewhere, trying to think of another way to save Spock.
Captain Kirk broke the silence as he yelled, “Dammit Bones, DO SOMETHING!"
Your were racking your brain, trying to think of alternatives and why this wasn’t working. You eyed the green blood oozing from his wound.
"Dammit Jim, I am trying to think!” Leonard yelled back.
“Well think faster!” Kirk yelled again, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.
Leonard was about to respond when you realized what the problem was. “He’s Vulcan.” You spoke up, your eye moving back and forth as you realized what was wrong.
“Half-Vulcan, yes.” Leonard responded, his head tilting questioningly as he was trying to figure out what you were getting at.
“Seabaene works as it is absorbed into the skin, but don’t Vulcan’s have like a moisture-proof layer of epidermis or something?” You suggested, your mind desperately trying to draw from your lessons from the Academy.
Leonard’s eyes lit up and his face broke out of its frustrated glare, “RIGHT!” He yelled, his hands setting the vial down as he moved around the bed towards you.
“So instead of topically it needs to be, injected directly into his bloodstream.” You said.
“Injected directly into his bloodstream.” Leonard said at the same time as you.
You looked up at him and smiled into his relieved face for a moment before turning and ripping open the bag of Seabaene.
“Genius.” He whispered and grabbed a solution for the both of you to begin preparing the injection.
The two of you worked in sync for a minute, Leonard handing you supplies and you prepared the injection.
“Doctor! He’s crashing!” A nurse yelled, and you heard the monitor screeching like crazy.
Leonard turned around and surveyed the monitors.
“How much longer until that solution is ready?” He asked, his voice tense, but not demanding.
“Just a few more steps.” You responded tersely, focusing all your energy on stopping your hands from shaking as you prepared the vial.
“Well you better work fast.” You expected him to be yelling at you, as he did with everyone else, but he spoke kindly, though there was a sense of urgency in his voice.
“Almost done…” You whispered, finishing up the last few steps as you heard the monitor screech out a loud tone, which you know meant his heart had stopped beating.
The room exploded into chaos and a crash cart was brought in, Leonard barking orders once more to everyone.
“Don’t shock him!” He yelled; to everyone’s, including your, confusion.
“What the hell, Bones, hasn’t his heart stopped?” Kirk’s voice sounded strained and pleading.
“Yes, Jim, but it doesn’t matter if we start it again if the blood that would be pumping out of it doesn’t go anywhere because of the clots.” Leonard explained urgently and suddenly you felt all eyes turn your way again.
This was all on you. The Seabaene was what was going to save Spock. You gulped and quickly stirred the mixture together, pouring it into the hypo chamber. The only sound in the room was the screeching tone of the monitor telling everyone that Spock’s heart was still not beating.
“Done.” You stated as relief flushed through you, turning around and tossing it over to Leonard.
The room was still tense as Leonard quickly injected the hypo into Spock’s neck. Nothing happened for a second and you felt tears prick your eyes again; you had failed, in front of the Captain, in front of the crew, and in front of Leonard. You looked down at your shoes in shame.
But then the screeching stopped and was replaced with a steady beeping. You looked up at the monitor to see that Spock’s vital signs were stabilizing. The room erupted into cheers and hoots of triumph, and Leonard shook his head in disbelief and rubbed his hands over his face. Kirk stepped over and patted Leonard on the back, looking especially happy, and they looked at each other in relief and gratefulness that their friend had survived. Leonard began barking orders at the nurses, telling them to ready the OR for surgery to remove “all this god-damn shrapnel” from Spock’s injury.
You decided your job was done and smiled as you stepped backwards, directly into a firm yellow wall. It was Captain Kirk. You hadn’t even noticed that he had come around to this side of the bed, and you turned to face him.
“Sorry, Captain, I didn’t mean to run into you like that.” You said sheepishly.
“No need to apologize Lieutenant, you just saved my 1st Officer’s life and I couldn’t be more grateful.” Kirk grinned and gently patted your shoulder.
“Thank you sir, it was an honour.” You responded with a big smile.
His crystal blue eyes sparkled as he said, “No, thank you, Lieutenant, and if you need anything, just ask, alright? That’s an order.” He winked at you, his smile teasing and your heart leapt with pride.
“Yes, sir.” You responded, grinning ear to ear.
Kirk left you to return to Spock’s side and you left the room still smiling like an idiot.
“Y/N, wait!” You heard a voice call behind you as you were about to leave the medbay.
You spun around to see Leonard’s face just moments before he wrapped his arms around your waist and nearly lifted you off the ground in a big bear hug. You involuntarily wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him back, and as you pulled apart he planted a rough kiss on your cheek.
“You were brilliant back there!” He exclaimed, his smile wide and beautiful, his hands still resting on your hips as if it was instinct to keep them there.
“Nah, I believe that would have been you.” You teased, returning his smile, your hands resting on his forearms gently.
“Seriously, though, I couldn’t have done it without you, darlin’.” He gushed.
“Thanks, Leonard.” You replied, and you felt the flame that ignited this morning getting even brighter the longer you stared into his eyes.
A flash of blue outside the medbay doors caught your eye and you glanced over to see a few of your mean classmates from the incident in the mess hall standing there. They were all making googly eyes, winking and making obscene gestures at the scene that had just played out in front of them.
Your heart dropped and your elation at the recent events plummeted. You pulled away from Leonard’s hold on your hips and dropped your hands to your sides. You looked back up at Leonard to see that he had followed your gaze outside and was now glaring darkly at the group. They disbanded quickly and went on their way down the hall.
Leonard looked back at you, but as soon as your eyes met you dropped your gaze to the floor and your arm reached over to grasp your other elbow. You began to fold inwards on yourself.
You could tell he wanted to say something and was about to when someone yelled that the OR was ready for Spock. He hesitated and his hands moved forward as if he was going to touch you again, but another call from across the medbay sounded and he dropped his hands to his sides.
You finally lifted your eyes to his, his face full of concern and unsaid words, but he pursed his lips and turned and ran back towards the OR.
You were left standing there feeling empty, willing that sense of pride and elation to return. You had just saved Spock’s life for stars-sake! The Captain himself thanked you for your valiant effort. And Leonard had hugged you and kissed you on the cheek. But a sense of uncertainty made you feel empty, as if the most recent events didn’t actually happen. You could only think of the ridicule and torture you would have to face every time you saw your classmates.
You decided to return to your quarters and spend the night in; giving yourself the evening off from work because you thought you deserved it. This day had been a roller coaster of emotions that was foreign to you. You liked everything to be the same, day after day, and you had gotten into a routine on this beautiful ship. All the emotions flooded through you now, from happiness at having breakfast with Leonard, to humiliation at lunchtime, to adrenaline and fear as they tried to save Spock’s life, to elation at actually saving his life, to just emptiness after it was all over.
You curled up in your bed, feeling all these things, sleep overtaking you surprisingly quickly.
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You ate meals in your room for the next couple days, wanting to avoid having to deal with people for a while. You happily worked in your lab with music blasting in your headphones, mainly working on a very large order of Seabaene salve and solution for the medbay as there was going to be another away-mission to the same planet, and Dr. McCoy wanted to be prepared.
Your heart ached every time you thought about Leonard. You had only met him formally the day you went to breakfast together but it felt like you had known him for a million years. You suppressed these feelings as you threw yourself into your work, working late into the evenings and stumbling to bed exhausted each night.
A week after saving Spock you almost had all the salve and solutions prepared. Blasting your favourite music, you danced around the lab, using the vials as microphones, feeling happier than you had in days.
Your music had been so loud that you didn’t hear the door open and close and were startled to see a blue shirted body standing in your lab.
You yelped and dropped the vial you were carrying, sending it smashing to the ground. You ripped out your headphones, heart pounding, and faced your intruder.
Leonard.
“Dammit, I’m sorry I startled you.” He swore, setting down the small paper bag in his hand onto a shelf and bending to pick up the broken pieces.
You knelt as well and reached for the pieces, collecting them gently into your hand as to avoid cutting yourself. As you reached for another piece your hand bumped Leonard’s and you instinctively apologized.
He didn’t respond except to reach and take your hand with the broken glass in it and move the pieces from your hand to his. His hands were soft and steady, as you assumed a doctor’s should be, but there was a light roughness about them that made you curious and want to explore his hands more. He threw the broken pieces in the garbage and you watched him, heart racing at the prospect of him being here.
He turned back to face you and you thought your heart was going to explode as you sat down on your work chair.
You both hesitated a moment before speaking at the same time.
“How’s Spock?” You asked.
“I brought you a muffin.” He stated, reaching for the paper bag.
A laugh escaped you after you both spoke at the same time, which seemed to break the awkwardness between the two of you.
“What?” You asked as he handed you the paper bag.
“I brought you a muffin.” He half-smiled, his brown eyes sparkling, “blueberry, I thought you would like it since you had blueberries on your waffles when we had breakfast the other day.”
You both spoke at the same time again.
“Thank you.” You responded with a smile.
“Speaking of breakfast…” He started but stopped when your words collided.
This time you both laughed and the awkwardness had all but melted away.
“Thank you.” You enunciated slowly as if to make sure he wasn’t going to speak at the same time. He laughed at that.
“You’re welcome.” He responded, leaning on the edge of your worktable, “and Spock’s doing much better now. Getting back to his aggravating self.” He gruffed and rolled his eyes and you giggled.
“Glad to hear.” You smiled and turned to gesture towards a box that was resting on a nearby shelf, "and your salves and solutions are almost ready, just a few more to…“
He interrupted. "Have breakfast with me tomorrow morning.”
Silence flooded between you and Leonard as you struggled for the words to respond.
“I… uh… I…” you squeaked.
“No, don’t respond to that. It’s an open invitation. If you want, I will be in the mess hall for breakfast tomorrow morning, and you are welcome to join me.” He insisted, lifting himself off the worktable, turning and walking out the lab doors.
You were dumbfounded, frozen in place for several moments before turning your attention to the muffin in the bag. You pulled it out and took a bite.
It was the best damn muffin you ever tasted.
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You decided to meet Leonard for breakfast in the morning, and set you alarm accordingly, or so you thought.
As you woke up from your warm, comfortable sleep, you turned to face the clock. It was 2 hours past what you had set your alarm for, meaning you missed breakfast with Leonard.
“Shit!” You swore, leaping out of bed and scrambling to get ready, though something in your gut told you that he was gone already, and you missed your chance.
You scurried to the mess hall, failing an attempt to fix your hair, and nearly slid into the door. Walking in, you saw the mess hall buzzing with people, none of them Leonard.
You turned and walked out of the mess hall, your heart heavy. Looking down the hall, to your dismay, you saw a few of your classmates coming towards you, including the douche-nozzle in the engineering red shirt.
“Well, well, well, look what we have here.” He jeered, coming closer to you, “you look like a dog who lost her bone.”
You shot a glare at him and folded your arms across your chest.
“Or should I say you look like a bitch who lost her Bones.” The whole group laughed now and you felt your cheeks warm.
“Oh look she’s blushing, he must have nailed her real good, than.” Another boy in blue prodded.
“Shut up.” You whispered.
“I heard he’s real good in bed, a real southern gentleman.” A blonde haired girl now said.
“Shut up.” You said a little louder.
“What was that, plant freak? You talk so quiet, but I bet you’re loud in bed…” The engineering boy sneered.
“Shut up!” You yelled, your hands now in fists at your side.
“Ahhh, she speaks!” The engineering boy exclaimed mockingly.
“Yeah, I do. And what I am saying is leave me alone. You guys should be nice to me. I saved Spock’s life and the Captain said if I needed anything, that I should go to him.” The group had gone quiet now as you continued your rant as menacingly as you could, “and don’t doubt me for a second that I won’t go to him and have you sent off this ship, am I making myself clear?”
“Clear as day.” The engineering boy responded, lifting two fingers to his forehead in a mocking salute.
You stalked past them, your hands still in fists but could still hear whispers of ‘bitch’, 'slut’, and 'whore’, emanating from the group.
You know you shouldn’t let them get to you, but still every single time they did. You rushed back into your lab and began finishing the salves and solutions for Leonard, and as you did your work the fury that had filled your veins was draining as well as your energy and by the end of the day you were exhausted.
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You washed your hands after you stacked the last of the salve on the shelf, grabbed your bag and headed out the door, dreaming of a comfy warm bed, a cup of tea and your book.
You were so lost in your daydream that you didn’t notice three boys standing outside your door until you almost smacked into them. Looking up, your heart dropped. One was the douche-nozzle engineering boy, the other two were in blue, all three with evil smirks on their faces.
“Hello, Plant Freak.” The engineering boy drawled.
“Hello. Excuse me.” You said as you tried to dodge past them, but the engineering boy stopped you with a forceful grip on your arm.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He sneered, and the other two boys snickered.
Fear coursed through you as you assessed the situation: this was not good.
You backed slowly towards the doors of your lab, bumping into them and leaning into them. One of the other boys suddenly reached pressed on the door-pad, and suddenly the doors slid open and you went careening backwards onto the hard floor of the lab.
The fall knocked the wind out of you and you struggled to sit up. The three boys advanced on you and you half crab-walked backwards to avoid them.
“No, no, no, Plant Girl, you are ours tonight.” The engineering boy spat, a hungry look in his eyes.
You looked desperately to the closing doors to see if anyone was passing by that could save you.
“Doctor Bonesy is not going to save you tonight, sweetheart.” He leaned over you, his breath rancid and warm as it neared your face.
“I want to hear you scream…” he teased and his face got closer and closer to yours.
You took your chance while you had it and punched him across the cheekbone. He dropped on top of you, his muscles locking up and you wriggled to get free. You got up halfway before being slammed down again by one of the other boys who pinned your arms to the ground. The engineering boy leered closer, rubbing his jaw, and pulled himself up, moving his legs so that he pinned your thighs under his knees.
“So you like it rough?” He insinuated, drawing out each word, he leaned close and whispered into your ear, “I can do rough."
You barely had time to be repulsed when he suddenly sat up and drove his fist hard against your jaw, your head snapping back against the steel floor.
You were taking in a breath to scream, stars floating in front of your eyes, when the boy that was holding your arms down released one hand and stuffed it in your mouth.
Tears streamed down your cheeks, and the engineering boy kneeled harder on your thighs, making you squeak in pain.
He leaned forwards again, an evil grin on his face, "don’t be afraid, sweetheart, this is only going to hurt a little, but you’ll enjoy it I promise.”
He reached for the belt on his pants and you knew that it was now or never. You bit down hard on the hand in your mouth, tasting blood, and the boy recoiled his hand with a shout. You used your free hand to reach up and scratch the engineering boy’s face, throwing him off balance, and you rolled out from under his knees. Springing up, adrenaline coursed through your body as you lurched forward, trying to get your now bruised legs to obey you. You grabbed onto a shelf to pull yourself forward, but ended up pulling off the box that was set on top of it. It was the box of salves that you had made for the medbay, and they smashed to the ground, the vials in sharp pieces, their contents spilled out onto the floor. A hand suddenly wrapped around your ankle and yanked,causing you to fall to the ground, hard, slicing your forearm open on one of the vials. You kicked out, connecting with someone’s face and heard something crunch and someone shout, but you didn’t look back as his hand released your ankle and you scrambled forward over the glass-covered floor. Finally you were upright and you sprinted to the doors, flinging them open and sliding out into the now dimly lit hallway. You could hear the boys shouting behind you but that just made you run faster. You didn’t know where to go, or what to do, and tears blurred your vision as you passed room after room. Finally you looked down to your stinging arm and saw blood dripping down it. You needed a healing patch, but you had passed the medbay already, and knew that the boys were still following you.
Suddenly you knew were to go, or instead who you should go to. You found his room and raised a shaky hand to knock a few time on the door. You kept looking around for signs of the boys, but you seem to have lost them. You knocked again, a sob almost escaping you and you desperately hoped that he was in here. Finally the doors flung open and you took in a sleepy figure clothed in pyjama pants and shirt, yawning and looking grumpy.
Then he saw you, and his face changed.
“Y/N?” Leonard asked quizzically, his expression freezing in place as he took in your tear stained, puffy face, the bruise blooming on your jaw, the blood streaming down your arm, and your uniform which was sliced and stained from the salve.
“What happened, are you alright?” He asked, concern filling his features and he stepped out into the hall towards you.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to go to and you were probably sleeping but there were these guys and they were in my lab and I think I might need a healing patch and I broke all of the salves I made I am so sorry I am going to have to make new ones…” You blabbered in between sniffles and held your injured arm to your chest.
Leonard looked at you with disbelief and pity when you suddenly had a surge of panic followed by an urge to flee and you were almost going to turn to leave when he pulled you inside by your non-injured arm.
Once inside his dimly lit quarters, you heard the doors slide shut behind you and you were about to look up at Leonard when he pulled you into a bear hug, both of his arms around you, pressing you to his chest protectively. One of his hands came up to hold your head against his chest, the other was pressed against your back. You leaned into him and let out a sob, but this was a sob of relief as you pressed into his warm and protective arms.
“Shhhh… darlin’,” Leonard whispered soothingly against the top of your head, “its going to be alright, you’re safe now.”
His hand on your back now moved up and down, spreading warmth and sending tingles down your spine.
After a while you felt like you could breathe again and you pulled away gently, but he didn’t let you out of his reach, one of his hands resting on your shoulder, his thumb stroking your jawline.
As the adrenaline wore off your arm began to sting more and your jaw and thighs ached. Leonard’s eyes surveyed you and his thumb moved to press against your chin, moving your head back and forward gently so he could see the damage.
“We should get you down to the medbay and get you cleaned up.” He whispered, and you could tell his brain switched into doctor mode, working on which treatments you needed. He stepped towards you, as if heading to the door and you raised two shaky hands to his chest. He stopped instantly and looked down at your hands.
“I can’t go back out there.” You said weakly, your voice raspy and shaky.
You didn’t meet his eyes, but stared straight ahead at where your small, thin fingers rested on his chest, the cloth of his pyjama top thin enough for you to feel the warmth emanating from his body.
“Okay.” Leonard whispered, his hands wrapping around your wrists gently, “I have a med kit in here we can use.”
“Thank you.” You rasped, finally looking up into his eyes, which were big and concerned and kind.
He pulled you by your wrists over to the kitchen and helped you sit down on one of the stools. He opened a cupboard and pulled out a big black bag and set it on the counter.
“So what happened?” He asked as he pulled supplies from the bag.
Before you could respond the sudden sound of loud, booming footsteps coming from the hallway filled your ears and shredded the feeling of safety you had developed from being in Leonard’s apartment. You gasped and flinched, throwing your hands up to cover your ears and nearly toppling off the stool. Leonard laid his hands on either side of your shoulders to steady you, and kept them there until the footsteps subsided.
“Whoever did this, I’m going to kill them.” He stated gruffly and you looked up to his face contorted in anger as he glared at the door.
His sincerity made you huff out a laugh, which brought Leonard’s eyes away from the door and back to your face. He smiled at you gently and you managed a half a smile back.
As he sorted through his bag you told him the story of what happened, your voice shaky and breaking as you recounted the terrifying events. You could tell he grew more and more furious as you went on. He applied a hypo to your neck, and you felt the sting and aching of your wounds lessen. He pressed a healing patch to your arm and the bleeding stopped almost immediately. He applied a salve to the blue-black bruises forming on your jaw and on your thighs, and you couldn’t suppress a blush as he tenderly applied the salve there.
You felt a thousand times better once he had finished, but you also felt completely and utterly drained.
“You feeling better?” Leonard asked as he put away the medical supplies.
You managed a small nod, but suddenly your mind was racing and a feeling of anxiety washed over you, making your heart rate increase dramatically.
“I’m sorry I didn’t meet you for breakfast this morning, my alarm didn’t go off.” You blurted, your eyes on the floor.
You heard him chuckle softly and responded teasingly, “don’t worry about it darlin’. I have to admit I was slightly disappointed, but…"
He stopped talking when he saw your face. Tears streamed down your cheeks again, but this time it wasn’t uncontrolled sobs, only sad, slow tears that overflowed down your cheeks.
"Is something still hurting you?” He questioned as he turned back to the cupboard to get the med kit again but stopped as you shook your head.
“Then what is it?” He asked gently and kneeled down in front of you so you had no choice but to look down into his sad quizzical eyes.
As you looked at Leonard more tears streamed down your face, and all you could do was shake your head, gulp a few shaky breaths, and bury your face in your trembling hands.
Leonard’s hands came gingerly up and rested on your knees, thumbs stroking a soft pattern into your skin.
Another wave of anxiety caught you in its grasp and you suddenly realized you couldn’t take his kindness and pity anymore, you didn’t deserve it.
“I can’t.” You whispered and suddenly twisted your chair, stood up and strode towards the door with as little shaking as you could manage.
“Y/N, wait!” Leonard yelled and you heard his footsteps behind you.
You had barely made it into the living room when he grabbed your hand and spun you around to face him.
“Why do you run away from everything?” Leonard said almost roughly, his face contorted in what looked like a mix of pain and confusion.
“Let me go.” You instructed him, tugging weakly at your arm.
He didn’t say anything but responded by entwining your fingers through his so you two were properly holding hands.
You looked up at him in desperation but you knew that he wasn’t going to back down. You let out a sigh of surrender and squeezed his hand that you held. He squeezed back gently.
“I am no good for you.” You started, begging the tears that pressed on your eyes to retreat, “I am quiet and weak and awkward, and can barely stand on my own two feet. You are strong and intelligent and a hero and I am nothing. Nothing piled on nothing. I’d rather curl up and read my book and avoid my problems than face them. You deserve someone a thousand times better than me, that’s why I am leaving.”
Leonard looked at you quizzically, and he pulled at your connected hands so you moved closer together. You couldn’t handle it. You released his hand and stalked to the other side of the coffee table.
You stared at each other for a minute before he spoke.
“You are not nothing.” Leonard began, and you started to interject but he raised a hand to stop you, closing the distance and stopping in front of you.
“You. Are. Not. Nothing.” he repeated slowly and continued, “you are kind and funny and smart. So god-damn smart. And you are a hero. You saved Spock’s life when even I couldn’t. And sure, you are clumsy and awkward, but I find that incredibly endearing and refreshing.”
He paused and you let his words sink in, and you were surprised to find that your anxiety was diminishing, as these situations usually caused you to panic. You fiddled with a tear in your uniform and waited for him to continue.
Leonard ran his hand down the back of his neck before he spoke again, “Everyone on this damn ship thinks that they’re a hero just because they are on it. They are so cocky and hard-headed and think that they can get whatever they want. But not you. When I met you it was like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t have to argue or debate anything with you because you were actually listening to what I was saying and not trying to interject with your own ideas. And I am friends with Kirk and Spock and that’s literally all they do. Not you, though. You are different."
As he spoke he seemed to get more agitated or frustrated like he was mad that you couldn’t see your own worth. But the truth was, you couldn’t. You’d been knocked down so many times about your ideas and dreams and everything that you had forgotten that you wanted them in the first place. You’d forgotten what it was like to have someone believe in you. Your mean classmates faces and jeers came back into your mind like a flood and you almost broke down again.
"Why can’t anyone else see that? Nobody ever believes in me. Even my parents doubted me about joining the Academy. They didn’t think I could do it. But I did. And I was mocked for years.” You drew out the word ‘years’ for emphasis and continued, growing more flustered and agitated. "Why in the world would you want to study botany if you wanted to be in Starfleet? And then I was chosen for the Enterprise and I was mocked even more.”
You took a shaky breath and met Leonard’s eyes, his face open and kind as you continued,
“I run away because I am not strong enough to fight. Not strong enough to confront anything. Not the bullies, not my parents, and especially not my feelings for you.“
You backed away from him; keeping his gaze locked with yours when you felt your foot catch on the corner of the coffee table. Before you could tumble, Leonard’s hands were around your waist, pulling you up. But this time he didn’t let you go. He pulled you closer until your foreheads touched.
"I believe in you.” He whispered, his breath warm on your lips, sending shivers down your spine.
Your brain screamed for you to run away, to escape from his arms and turn and head out the door as fast as you could. But for once you pushed it aside. You ignored your body’s natural instinct to flee and instead wrapped your arms around Leonard’s neck.
Your hand smoothed down the hair at the back of his neck, and every passing second that you were pressed against Leonard helped your shaking extremities to steady and your breathing to slow. Your anxiety was long gone.
“This scares me.” You whispered, staring deep into his dark brown eyes.
“Good.” Was the last word he said before he closed the gap and pressed his lips to yours. Your hands moved to cup his cheeks as he kissed you slowly, his hands tightening around your back. Everything suddenly felt like it was falling apart at the same time that it was falling into place.
You pulled away gently, and ran your fingers through his hair, making it stick up, similar to the morning you first met.
“You should probably fix that.” You teased, a smile playing on your lips.
Leonard stared at your lips with unabashed longing and said, “Nah,” before pulling you back in to his lips and lavishing you again.
Your heart was full and your lips were sore when he eventually pulled away, his arm still draped around your waist. He lead you to his bedroom and you paused, not sure that you were ready for this step yet.
“Don’t worry, darlin’,” Leonard assured, sensing your hesitation, “I just haven’t had a good night’s sleep since Spock’s return and I think you might be the perfect remedy for that.” He suggested, pulling the covers back and climbing in, your hand still in his.
You tugged off your boots and tossed them on the floor. Leonard’s hand pulled yours into the bed and you climbed in and curled up against him, your chin tucked against his collarbone, your body fitting perfectly into his. You planted a couple kisses on his neck and he responded by kissing your forehead.
As you felt him fall asleep you wiggled upwards in the bed so your face was at the same level as his. He was half asleep, but his eyes were still slightly open.
“Mmmm?” He hummed questioningly and you felt his arms pull your body closer to his.
“I believe in you too.” You whispered to him and placed a gentle, lingering kiss on his lips, before pulling away smiling. Leonard smiled sleepily too, and you watched his eyes flutter closed in exhaustion.
You curled back up into his body and rested your head on his chest.
Nothing was better than this, you thought to yourself as the flame of happiness enveloped your entire body.
If Leonard could believe in you as much as he did, maybe you could learn to believe in yourself too.
- That’s all folks! Thanks for all the support with my new page, it’s been wonderful! I have many more ideas swimming around in my head (including one that involves Jim Kirk and a blanket fort) so keep yours eyes out for it! End scene. -
