you’re breaking my heart | anakin skywalker x reader | 3/3
a/n: This three part series was requested by @kashyykian on Wattpad.
DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.
summary: A visit in the night, one horrifically convicting dream sequence, and a final confession of loyalty; all of this, for what? Which will you choose? Your growing sense of anger or your pledge to the Light? A life of heartbroken isolation or a life of service to the Jedi Order?
warnings: anxiety, dreams/nightmares, the internal war between the dark and the light
word count: 6K
music: Survivor List by Jeff Russo and Jordan Gagne
PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 4 (alternate ending)
The bright blue light distinguished as the hilt clattered to the floor. You stared at your saber as its dark metal plates contrasted to the cream-colored marble of the terrace. With a shaky breath, you drew your hand up to your chest, examining how much it trembled. You gulped down your uneasiness and turned around abruptly, shuffling frantically through the curtains and retreating under the heavy duvet of your bed. There, hidden away from the light of the evening, your body turned over into chills. Trembling beneath the blankets, you pulled your legs up to your torso, and began to speak the words you had been taught since you were a small child.
"A Jedi shall-" You began, and then adjusted your tone into one of absolution."-shall not know anger, or hatred, or..." The next words hung in your mouth as they rippled back into your memory; the words that could have prevented this entire mess, if you had only heeded them with more diligence. You swallowed over the lump in your throat. "Or love."
As you repeated those words over and over, bidding them entry back into your heart, you felt tears trickle down your cheeks and neck, dampening the soft satin sham of your plump pillow. Focusing on each syllable as it left your mouth, the voice of your master echoed in your mind. You remembered his guidance in the way you delivered the sentences when they needed remembering; to do so with deliberation and faith. You remembered the steps he had directed you to take with your feet to assist with balancing your mind; slow and steady, in a circle of balanced movement. You remembered how Master Windu had reminded you to close your eyes, to trust in the placement of your hands, feet, and the voice of your own mind.
Soon enough, your breathing evened out and your chest relinquished its tightened ache. For what felt like hours, you lie there under the cover of your warm duvet, balancing your thoughts and focusing on the training you had been taught to fight this kind of torment. As the minutes drew on and a state of peacefulness finally fell over you, your eyes grew heavy, and your body drifted between shallow consciousness and slumber, until finally, you fell asleep completely.
Anakin's knuckles were inches from the intricately carved wood of your bedroom door, suspended in nervous silence. He had just come from the dining hall, where he had spent nearly three hours of his evening apart from you, unable to put that sudden disturbance out of his mind. Even when Padmé had been able to join him in the gardens shortly after their meals had concluded, Anakin hadn't been able to hear anything she had brought up. When she had asked him about it, he had told her about your reaction to their relationship and the visit to the medical wing.
Padmé seemed a little shocked herself, both about him telling you in the first place and about your reaction, but had told him not to worry and that she was sure everything would return to normal soon enough. That's what his master had told him, too. But Anakin couldn't be so sure. Neither Master Kenobi nor Padmé had felt what he had between bites of roast and dessert, nor had they heard the tension in your voice, or seen the way you had thrown a hand up at him. They hadn't seen any of what had happened. They hadn't felt it.
As soon as Padmé had left the gardens to conclude her duties for the evening, Anakin had made his way back into the palace and right to your door, where he now stood, stuck in his thoughts, almost afraid to knock. When his knuckles finally rapped against the door, he was met with silence. Anakin's stomach swirled with discomfort.
"(Y/n)?" His voice was soft, but loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door. "(Y/n), it's me, Ani. I came to check on you."
Again, there was only silence from the other side.
"(Y/n), are you in there?"
Anakin pressed his ear closer to the door, listening for any sort of movement to indicate if you were inside and simply ignoring him. When he quiet only echoed, it occurred to him that if you were still in there, you might have fallen asleep within the last few hours. Anakin stepped back from the door and tried the knob, but to no avail. You had locked it, which didn't surprise him.
With a glance both ways down the corridor, Anakin's hand hovered over the knob as he manipulated the gears inside to unlock. He couldn't help but smile to himself as the lock clicked from the other side, granting him entrance.
Works every time, he thought to himself, twisting the knob and opening it slowly. When the door opened wide enough for him to survey the room, his eyes adjusted to the deep blue hue that had settled over the furniture, casting long shadows across the floor and over the bedframe. When he looked at the unkempt covers of the bed, he could see the vague form of your body buried under the duvet. He slipped inside and shut the door carefully behind him, almost without a sound. He leaned against the frame for a moment as he watched the figure under the blankets rise and fall with even breathing, hoping he hadn't woken you.
When you didn't move, Anakin let out the air he had trapped inside, and leaned forward to walk around the room. Within the few minutes of being in your presence, Anakin could feel the resemblance of some sort of turmoil that had been felt here, although it seemed to have faded somewhat. He could sense that something had happened, but he couldn't be sure what. His eyes scanned the room for any indications of what might have taken place. When he stepped forward, the toe of his boot tugged against a heap of fabric upon the floor; your robe.
Anakin knelt down and picked it up with a curious expression; you were never one to dump your robe onto the floor with such carelessness. Even if it seemed a rather insignificant article of clothing to those not a part of the Order, but to the Jedi within, they were almost sacred. The only time they ever touched the ground was when they were shrugged off before a fight, which also held significant meaning. Anakin carefully draped the robe onto the foot of your bed, careful to avoid causing much movement. His gaze then fell on the pair of boots toppled over each other into the corner of the room as if they'd been thrown, which was odd. You always sat your boots upright by the door so you could quickly slip into them.
Anakin turned towards the terrace entryway where the sheer curtains billowed peacefully on the cool breeze as it carried itself into your room. In a nearby chair he found your belt haphazardly hung from the armrest, dangling from its latch and grazing the floor. Why hadn't you rolled it up and stored it away for the night as you had grown accustomed to doing since childhood? Anakin's eyebrows drew together and his frown grew more concentrated as he rolled the belt up for you and set it on the cushion gently.
This just didn't make any sense, any of it. No, you weren't always the neatest human being, but you had always followed the code of conduct when it came to your uniform. And in addition to those clues, the energy in the room seemed to have settled into some sort of abstinent state. It wasn't as tensious as you had been hours ago, nor was it completely peaceful. It was lukewarm - settled right in the middle of the equation. It didn't make any sense.
That was when something out on the terrace glimmered in his line of vision as he passed by your side of the bed, summoning his full attention. His hands divided the curtains as he stepped out onto the marble with softened steps. When his eyes narrowed onto the object, his mouth fell open.
What is this doing out here?
Anakin stooped down and picked up the saber that had been abandoned. The silver metal of the hilt caught the bright reflection of the moon, just as it had seconds before. Anakin's mind flooded with questions.
Why had you left your light saber out here, on the ground of all places?
Under what circumstances did get there?
Anakin turned back into your room, his eyes focused intently on the saber until he set it down by your belt. When he looked up, he found himself making his way to your bedside. His shadow stretched over the bed, darkening the duvet. With an outstretched hand, he reached forward and gently pulled the covers away from your face, revealing your (s/c) complexion as it paled slightly in the moonlight. He found himself smiling - until he noticed the redness in your cheeks and the damp trail that your tears had left trickling down your face. Anakin's heart ached as he realized what he had done.
To you, his confession probably felt like a betrayal. You both had sworn loyalty to the code your entire lives, you even longer than he. And yet, here he was, planning to marry, permanently forming a forbidden attachment to someone. Anakin now wondered how deep your friendship truly ran - would you still consider him your best friend if he was deliberately defying the code in secret? Or would you, in allegiance to it, be forced to separate yourself from him? You had probably thought that you would be the only attachment he had ever considered - that, as his friend, you were the only exception.
And he had ruined that.
Oh, he could be so stupid sometimes! So blind and stubborn.
Just like Master Kenobi had warned him.
Anakin's thumb met your cheek with the softest touch he could muster. He rubbed away the remnants of your salted tears and brushed back the dampened hair from your face. With a remorseful expression, Anakin stepped back and let his eyes take in your face. Would this be the last time he would see you? Would you spend the rest of your life avoiding him? Or was this truly something that would be resolvable, like Padmé and Master Kenobi assured him?
Anakin's stomach turned once more with swelling discomfort. It wasn't so easy anymore, this deliberate choosing to love Padmé. Not because he felt romantically inclined to you; not because he loved you, but because he couldn't afford to lose you. Anakin turned on his heel and headed for the door, closing it tight and locking it back into place. He fled down the hall into his own room with tears burning in his eyes. He'd never been so conflicted.
"I'm sorry she didn't come, Anakin." Padmé's voiced echoed through your mind as you slumbered. An image of her ruffled into color before your eyes. She was dressed in a long white gown, with a cap and veil sewn with delicate lace. A golden ring glinted on her finger as she leaned against the terrace that overlooked the lake. They had just been married, and their only guests had been R2-D2 and C3PO.
Where were you?
"It's alright. Some things don't last forever." Anakin replied, his voice low and little broken. When he looked up, his smile seemed a little sad. He gripped Padmé's hand with his. "Besides, I have you, don't I?" She smiled in return, a gentle laughter leaving her lips. They leaned into each other until their lips connected.
Outside of your dream, your face contorted as Anakin's words resonated deeper and deeper. Tears welled up in your eyes as you slept. Am I really that replaceable? As you heard Anakin's voice over and over again, like a rippling effect, the bright colors in your mind faded into hues of grey as your dream shifted into another.
"I understand you're on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of master." The voice of your very own master, Mace Windu, reverberated through your mind. His face was stern and absolute. When you were able to see Anakin, you noticed his grown out hair and his darkened eyes; it was like a shadow had fallen over his face.
"What?" Anakin's gaze followed the line of Jedi Masters. "How can you do this? This is outrageous. It's unfair!"
"We understand you're confusion, Anakin, but you've been through a dramatic change in the last few months. No one expected (Y/n) to abandon the Jedi Order and disappear like she did. But you need to be mindful of your thoughts; we need to be sure that you're ready for this," Master Kenobi's voice was much gentler than that of Master Windu's. He could sense Anakin's pain and he sympathized with the loss of his closest companion, but it could be no excuse for the wavering that the council felt from within him. "It is no simple task."
"This has nothing to do with her," Anakin's voice was almost inaudible as his memory of you flooded into his mind. But he couldn't afford to feel that right now, nor ever. He corrected his posture and looked Master Windu in the eyes. His frustration was evident. "I am ready. How can you be on the council and not be a master?"
"Take a seat, young Skywalker." Mace Windu ordered, gesturing to an empty chair.
I disappeared? I left the Order? I left Anakin?
The greys of the council room faded rapidly into hues of bright oranges and reds. As you shifted under your covers, you could feel heat like a blistering fire lapping at your skin. Sweat pooled at your forehead and neck as a vision of Mustafar appeared in your mind.
"You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!" Obi-Wan's voice was riddled with heartbreak as he yelled over the sound of broiling lava and steam. His eyes were burning, both from the heat that stung his eyes and from the tears that pooled in them. He staggered up the hill of ash, only to glance down at Anakin's broken body.
"I HATE YOU!" Anakin screamed in a gravelly voice, fueled by anger and pure hatred. His eyes glowed a bright yellow, encircled by a ring of red. Obi-Wan's tears finally fell to his cheeks.
"You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!" Obi-Wan yelled, the heartbreak practically dripping from his tone. As Anakin's clothes caught fire and set his body ablaze, Obi-Wan turned his face away. He couldn't stomach to watch his padawan, his brother, his best friend, die like this. The cries that roared from Anakin's lungs were unbearable to hear.
The vision dissolved into darkness and vanished. For a long while, you lay in bed, motionless and unable to wake yourself. In that time, a voice came to you that you hadn't heard in a very long time. The voice of the man who brought Anakin to Coruscant. But this – his voice in your head, it wasn't a dream.
"(Y/n), you must defeat the hurt within you. Do you see what your absence will cause? What your anger could perpetuate?"
"Master Qui-Gon?" When there was no answer within your dream, your slumber deepened and the same terrace in Naboo that overlooked the lake rippled before your eyes again.
You stood next to Anakin, holding a bouquet of wildflowers you had personally picked that morning from the fields. Padmé's white dress was more detailed than it was previously. It was gorgeous. The smile on both of their faces brought immense joy into your heart, even if you weren't the one wearing the gown. As the newlyweds repeated their vows, you beamed with one of the brightest smiles you'd ever worn - and it was sincere.
Anakin had invited you to his wedding himself. You were the only guest apart from his mechanic companions, R2 and Threepio. Even though you would never be the object of his affection, you were more than grateful to be able to stand by his side as he pledged his heart to the woman he loved. You would always have Anakin, just in another way. To Anakin, your presence was the only blessing he needed on the day of his wedding.
As they shared the kiss that would seal their promise to each other, you burst into applause. When they parted, Anakin's eyes found yours, his smile radiating beside Padmé's. "Congratulations, Ani. I'm so happy for both of you." You gushed, engulfing him in a hug.
"I'm so happy you were here with us, (Y/n)." He replied as his arms enveloped your frame. Padmé's joyous laughter filled the air alongside yours.
A smile broke across your unconscious expression as you dreamt. That grin of his would always do that to you, no matter if his love was given to another. He was still your Ani in a way that no one else could replicate. And once again, in mere seconds, the terrace blurred into Padmé's quarters at Coruscant, where the blue hue of the evening spread across the room.
"(Y/n), I have to tell you something," Padmé started, looking up from her book. She had been shifting uncomfortably on her sofa for the last hour, but you hadn't said anything about it. You didn't want to intrude, especially when this was one of the few nights you were able to spend with her since you had become close friends. You lifted your gaze from the sparring textbook you were studying to meet hers. Her foot was bouncing slightly against the floor as her nerves acclimated. "I haven't told Anakin yet."
"Okay," You answered, shutting your book and crossing the oval rug to sit next to her. You offered your most welcoming smile in an effort to calm her down. Her anxiety was emulating all around her. "Have at it."
"I-...I'm pregnant." She stuttered, placing a slender hand over her tiny bump that was hidden beneath her graceful gown. Your mouth parted as you repeated the words in your head, taking in everything that it could imply both for her and for Anakin. "I found out last week."
"You're pre- You're, uh... you mean there's...there's a baby in there?" You pointed to her stomach.
"Mhm." She nodded with a light laugh, anticipating your reaction.
"You- you're- ...Padmé, that's-" You struggled to find the right words as it dawned on you. Your best friend was going to be a father! You would be some sort of godmother or aunt! When your arms wrapped around her neck, Padmé didn't hesitate to return the gesture. "That's amazing! Anakin's going to be so thrilled!"
Your smile grew brighter in your slumber as you nestled yourself into your covers. The warmth you felt from these tiny moments was so unreal - and yet so perfect. But how could you get to that point when your heart was aching so much? How could you ever look at Padmé and not be jealous? How could you learn to not love Anakin?
"You are his only hope. If you cannot help him, no one can." Qui-Gon's voice interrupted your worries, filling your body with peace. "The only way to his happiness is through you; but your role in his life cannot be what you are hoping for."
"Come back here, Luke!" Leia screamed, pushing her legs to go as fast as they could through the tall wildflowers of the plains in Naboo. Luke, the son of your two best friends, was a young little boy eight years of age with a habit of playing mindless pranks on you and his twin sister, Leia, as often as he could. Especially when it was your day to take them out. However, he never liked the part where his sister inevitably caught up to him. "You little moon jockey!"
"Get him, Leia! He ruined our cloud mist pudding and our pretty blanket!" You called after the spunky child as he brown braids bobbed in the air. Your smile radiated from where you sat comfortably on the picnic blanket, picking the insects out of the dessert.
"No, I didn't! It was Leia!" Luke stopped in his tracks and looked back at Leia with an incredulous look. "I only put bugs in the pudding. I'm not the one who spilled fruit nectar on the blanket!" When Luke had fully turned around, his eyes opened wide as his sister reared into him in a matter of seconds. Before she could slow down, she rammed right into him, sending them both rolling onto the ground in a fit of laughter. "You almost squashed me!"
"Then don't stop so abruptly when you're being chased, young one!" You giggled, watching as Leia pulled her brother up off of the ground, only to trip him when he tried to take a step forward. Leia's bright laughter filled the open plain, but only until her brother swept her leg under her with his arm, sending her toppling backwards. They reminded you so much of how you and Anakin used to get into trouble together. "Come eat, you two! The sandwiches are ready."
Luke and Leia rushed back through the flowers and plopped down on the blanket, eagerly awaiting the sweet taste of Nabooian bread and meat. After handing them their own sandwiches, you leaned forward, ruffling the grass and pedals out of their hair.
"We have to hurry and eat if we want to go swim under the waterfall, alright? Your father and mother want you back at the palace a little earlier today." You explained, fighting a smile as they collectively groaned.
"Whyyyy?" Luke whined with a mouthful of food.
"They want you both clean and smelling fresh before the banquet this evening. Master Kenobi will be there, as well as my old Master, Mace Windu."
"It's so boring when Master Whantu starts talking. His face is always angry." He retorted.
"And his voice is always like this," Leia's voice dropped in pitch as she attempted her best monotone speech, accompanied by the deepest pout she could muster on her small lips, puffing out her cheeks and placing two fists on her hips. "I-forgot-how-to-smile-because-I'm-allergic-to-happiness." They both burst into laughter.
"It's pronounced Mace WHEN-DOO, Luke," You corrected with a smirk, handing them both a cloth napkin.
"Wind-ew?"
"Close enough," You chuckled, carefully spreading a generous portion of blue butter over your bread. You leaned in closer to them as you whispered your next words. "And you know what I think about his face?"
"No, what?" They asked at once.
"I think he's been so grumpy for so long that his face is stuck that way!" The twins' laughter lifted onto the breeze around you like a sweet melody. Had your younger self known this kind of bliss was possible, you would never have considered any other alternatives to staying by Anakin's side as his closest friend. You couldn't imagine never having known Luke and Leia.
"You are the one who will help Anakin choose the right path," Qui-Gon's voice echoed one last time. "He is the Chosen One, but without you, he will be seduced by darker minds. You mustn't fail him. The balance of the Force depends upon it."
The sunlight filtered through the curtains and danced across your eyelids, pulling you from your dreams. When your eyes slowly fluttered open, you took in a deep breathe of the morning air. As you forced yourself to slowly sit up, you suddenly became aware of what had been shown to you through the night. Everything you had heard, everything you had seen, was the result of the choice you would be forced to make before you left your quarters.
Were you going to hold onto your anger? Hide away your pain inside until it poisoned you beyond remedy? Or face it head on until you conquered it?
Was Anakin truly destined to become a Sith?
The image of his orange eyes send shivers throughout your body. The sight of Master Kenobi's tears, his regret, and the fire that lapped up Anakin's skin... it was so haunting. You glanced down at your hands as those moments played in your head over and over again with perfect clarity. There were those that were empty and broken; the ones in which you had decided to hold onto your hurts and flee from the life you'd been trained for - the life you loved. And there were the others, the ones that were so full of joy and hope. The ones where you were standing there with Anakin, in perfect harmony, as his dearest friend.
How could you ever jeopardize that?
Why had you thought it could only be love or nothing?
You recalled Qui-Gon's words as they ran through your mind once more. You were the one Anakin needed in order to stick to the right path. You weren't replaceable. Padmé had her role in Anakin's life, and you had yours. One as his lover and wife, the other as his friend and confidant, his partner in crime. And he needed both if he was to overcome whatever the future held. The thought of being needed by Anakin for something so vital made your shoulders relax and your lips tip into a smile. Luke and Leia's faces flashed into your head; two little children that yet to even be conceived, and you'd practically knew them already.
Luke and Leia, you repeated their names in your head. Anakin's children.
Deep in your chest there was still a stinging sensation to know that Luke and Leia weren't yours and that you would never be able to fill the role of Anakin's wife. It hurt so deeply that your lungs felt tight, as if the air you were breathing in was too heavy for them. But somehow, from what you had seen in your slumber, you knew that you would be alright with the outcome of Anakin's choice. Maybe not now, maybe not for a long time, but someday. Someday, you would be able to look at Padmé without losing confidence in yourself or feeling jealous. Someday, you would be able to look at Anakin and trust in yourself that what love you had for him was as his friend - that perhaps the bond between you could grow stronger despite the foundations not being laid in romance.
Not today, but someday.
And until then, you would focus more on your own path - the individual journey that you would need to navigate for your own life.
With a sudden burst of hopeful energy, you pulled yourself out of your covers and planted your feet onto the floor. You quietly crossed the room to your chair, where you found your utility belt neatly rolled and your saber setting next to it. With a confused expression, you picked them up and turned to observe the rest of the room. Your robe had been moved out of the floor where you'd dumped it and draped over the other side of your bed. Your boots were still in the corner where they had been thrown, and everything else seemed untouched.
He came in last night, you thought. He came to check on me after what I did.
Does he know what happened after I left him there?
With your thoughts now in a whirlwind of apprehension, you quickly disrobed your clothes from the day before and put on a fresh set. You synched your belt around your waist and clicked your saber onto its latch, your fingers lingering over the weapon as you remembered you temptation from the prior evening. You felt so guilty.
But there was no time for that, nor was there a place for it.
With a clearing of your throat and a few deep breaths, you pulled your robe on and made your way down the empty corridor, pulling your hair out of the braid you'd slept in and running your fingers through the tangles. As you descended the stairwell to the dining hall floor, you pulled it back into a low bun, letting your padawan braid fall free onto your shoulder.
You pressed your hands onto the heavy doors of the dining hall, allowing it to creak open as it glided across the floor. As you stepped inside, you were met with the blurred sound of conversations that flooded the atmosphere in the room as every padawan and Jedi in the palace enjoyed their breakfast. You stalled awkwardly by the door as you scanned the long tables for Anakin and your masters. It wasn't until you saw Mace Windu's hand raised in the air, beckoning you over, that you spotted them. With a deep breath, you made your way over and took the empty seat next to your master, directly across from Anakin.
"Nice of you to finally join us." Windu chided. You looked up at him, expecting to see a scowl, but instead you found the slightest hint of a smirk.
"Late start to the morning, (Y/n)?" Master Kenobi asked, topping off his morning pastries with a lavish helping of sweet cream.
"Um, yes, Master. I had a rough night." You explained, trying to mask the nerves in your voice. All three pairs of eyes settled on you in an instant. "It took me awhile to fall asleep."
"Oh?" Mace Windu's eyes narrowed. You squirmed a little under the pressure of his gaze. Sometimes in felt like he could see right through you. "Something bothering you?"
"No, Master. Nothing too serious." You nodded
"Anakin said something about you not feeling well. Is that true?" Kenobi glanced up at you from across the table.
"Yes, Master," You gulped. Did he tell them what you had said to him? Or the state in which he had found the things in your room?
"Why didn't you notify me? I would have had you taken to the infirmary." Your master inquired between intakes of his eggs and blue milk.
"Oh, uhm, Anakin was kind enough to take me. It was just a dizzy spell. I was outside in the sun for a while yesterday." You nodded, trying to convince everyone - including yourself - that is wasn't a big deal. "The nurse just told me to get some rest." You saw Anakin look up at you out of the corner of your eye. He was probably shocked that you were praising what he had done, judging by how you had reacted afterwards.
"I hope you got enough. We're practicing sparring again today. You and Anakin will lead the younglings through the maneuvers."
"Yes, master." You repeated, finally willing yourself to pile your plate with the delicious food that lined the table.
Throughout the rest of the meal, you and Anakin kept quiet, avoiding direct eye contact, and only mumbling answers when questions were tossed vaguely in your directions. When your plates had been picked clean and the gong that concluded the hour sounded from across the room, you were both excused and made your way down to the sparring grounds just outside the palace courts. When you were out of ear-shot from most of the crowd, apart from a few padawans racing ahead, you finally found your voice.
"Anakin? I wanted to- um," Your fingers twisted around each other as you tried to find the right words. As soon as he heard your voice, he picked up his gaze and looked directly into your eyes as you walked side by side. "I wanted to apologize for how I reacted last night. I was rude to you and you didn't deserve it. I let my emotions get the better of me."
"It's alright, (Y/n). I should have listened to you when you said you didn't want to go to the infirmary. I just thought you were trying to play it tough. I didn't realize you hated it there that much or I wouldn't have fo-"
"No, Anakin," You reached forward and touched his arm, pulling him to a stop. "I wasn't upset about the infirmary. Sure, I hate it there, but that's not what bothered me. You did the right thing in taking me."
"Seriously? I thought you were mad at me because I forced you to go." He replied, his innocent expression still managing to melt the edges of your heart. It would take a lot of time to correct that sensation from happening so often.
"No, no, I wasn't mad about that. Well, I wasn't really mad at all, I was just-...um...Well, if I was mad at anyone, I was really just upset with myself for, um, for-..." Your eyes fell to the ground as you tried to pry the words from your mouth. When your silence lingered, he placed a hand on your shoulder, warranting you to look up at him.
"You can tell me, (Y/n). We're best friends, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember," You smiled with chuckle, recalling what had been shown to you in your dreams. "You won't make fun of me?"
"I promise."
"Well, when you- when you told me about yours and Padmé's relationship, I just panicked a little. I was pretty shocked. And I think...I think I was a little hurt, because I-... I wanted to be your only person, Ani, like you are to me. You're my best friend and- and I don't want to share you with anyone...and you were just trying to find someone to confide in," You glanced down at your hands as you continued. "I'm sorry I let you down like that."
When your words settled into Anakin's mind, he was left a little speechless. He never thought that you would feel so close to him to warrant that kind of reaction. As he remembered the disturbance he had experience the night before and what he had found in your room, and the tears that had stained your cheeks, he realized what it had all meant.
Anakin was your family, just as you were his.
It took you a few seconds to register Anakin's arms around your neck. When you finally did, you slowly wrapped your arms under his shoulders and savored the comfort you found in his arms. For a long moment, you stood there so still in each other's embrace that you wondered if you were still asleep under your blankets, dreaming this all up. You, of course, had embraced each other innumerable times, but this was different. It was a promise, whether Anakin realized it or not, that you would be there beside him no matter what. Instead of a vow of marriage, it was a vow of a friend - a fellow Jedi. You wouldn't let him down again.
"You didn't let me down, (Y/n). It was a lot to take in. I should have let you know sooner, or at least done a better job of telling you," He said, pulling away and placing his hands on your shoulders. "And don't ever doubt how important you are to me. I've grown up with you and I wouldn't let anyone take your place - not that anyone ever could. There's a part of me that only you will ever know, (Y/n), and that's yours."
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me, (Y/n). You're the closest thing to family that I have. I never want to risk losing what we have, (Y/n), no matter what happens."
You tried to hide to tears that welled up in your eyes as he spoke, but the sniffling that followed them did little to help your case. When Anakin noticed them, he simply swiped them away and embraced you once more. He, too, disliked the idea of ever having to share you with anyone.
"And Anakin?" You sniffled, wiping your nose with the dramatic sleeve of your robe. You pulled away, looking up into his eyes.
"Hm?" He frowned, worried about what you might have left to say.
"I better be invited to the wedding, or I'll have to crash it myself." You smiled, shoving him playfully. Anakin's laughter filled the air around you, filling your heart with warmth as it always had. He draped an arm around your shoulder and led you down the walkway.
"I think I can manage that." He chuckled.
Not today, but someday.
tags: @yana-versio