#static.odt

[wanderingselkie]

overwhelmed by work. 32°C outside. guys i can't do this.

[wanderingselkie]

with profound misery in my heart, i wish you a good night, my friends.

[wanderingselkie]

fucked up that whatever i do, even the most innocuous things, it always feels like i am doing something illegal.

[wanderingselkie]

fucking hell, will i EVER have a job that doesn't stress me out to the point of throwing up and/or wanting to kms????????????

[wanderingselkie]

i do Not feel so good. i do not even feel like myself. idfk what i am anymore. what do i even like. who am i. where am i.

[wanderingselkie]

you ever like. have this Realisation that you've lost something very important, and you feel the loss deep within your soul, but you don't know what exactly it is that you've lost? yeag.

[wanderingselkie]

feeling the levels of misery only reachable at my place of employment.

[wanderingselkie]

oh and i also miss normal cigarettes. pack a day and i reeked from them but this electronic shit can't match the real thing.

i quit for 6 months once. didn't feel like myself. in a way, it's also coping. like horror. a way to remind myself i'm here and real and exist and am me. a reminder that underneath all the masks i wear for someone else's sake, there's a *me*. a horror loving metalhead smoker. i'm an awful liar and a people pleaser and i hate that i can't be genuine, or can't trust anyone to show myself. i smoke by myself, i stopped sharing music, i only engage with horror when i lose myself altogether. and then i wonder why i'm lonely. but. i should relisten to that podcast. i should also replay two comfort games probably.. yeah. yeag.