#statire

[missstrogen]

It's important to remember that respecting trans women is actually 4chan rethoric and being a gamergater is basically the most progressive you can be

[rxttenslutcemeterysys]

Guys I would like to state I heavily ship Michelangelo x da vinci. If anyone writes fanfics of it pls tag me in it

-hound

[alternateworldcomics]

Comics are one of those media where a large percentage of those in it want to be the first to be the second one to do something.

Takes out the guest work.

So, after EC came out with Mad in 1952 there were a troop of imitators, most didn’t last very long.

[iammyfather]

How to out an Alien?

I was wondering if we could figure out if any TUMBLR users are actually Alien Observers, stationed on the moon, by identifying who is consistently 4 seconds longer delayed than everyone else?

[ang3ldo11y]

i feel like a naked man

[fortunechaos]

I once witnessed a straight guy take a bite out of a random tube of chapstick he found under a bed in a cabin at a summer camp and that's why I'm heterophobic.

[ailedhoo]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxfbcSqwzRQ)

Stephen Colbert examines the recent primaries in Nevada and South Carolina  and on the (shuddering) idea of President Trump.

[tangledroad]

An Open Letter to My Cellphone

Dear Cellphone,

That’s your original name isn’t it?

Batteries

It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. First you were sweet, simple, and low maintenance. I would charge you like once a week for 2 hours and you’ll be good to me. That’s love. Now you’ve changed, you’ve gone technical and fancy on me, telling me all these milliAmpere hour and how thirsty you can get. Do you even know how many power banks you’ve been sucking on?! Too many to count, that’s how many. Now you need that plug every 6 hours or you threaten to turn half your shits off. You might as well be called 40% and at 20% you might as well be dead to me. You break my heart.

Size

When we were young, you were this fine device that fit on me anywhere. Remember those good times when you were that Razr? Now you’ve become so huge that I can’t take you anywhere and it looks like you’re going to get even bigger. We’re hitting 6 inches! You know how I’ve gotten dependent on you and now you’ve lost it and it’s out of control. It’s worse if you’re an Android, but luckily you’re a fruit. Sometimes I wish you would go fat all the way, but you’re skinny too. You’re super skinny, so skinny that I buy a cover to fatten you up so I would have something to hold onto because I wouldn't want to drop you, because you cost a small fortune.

Price

You cost as much as my first car and that puts a lot of stress on me to take care of you. I get a mini heart attack when you’re not in my pocket, or when I can’t find you. I had to sell my car for you or get locked up in a gouging contract to afford you. You expensive piece of shit, and you’re fragile too with your metals and glass and chamfers. You’re all about that profit margin and you’ve become too corporate, it’s no longer about love or innovations or making a better future together. It’s about new accessories and making money, shame on you for changing your plug on me for no good reason. You’ve become fickle and there’s like 2 or 3 of you coming out in a single year and you’re financially crippling me.

Camera

Remember when your camera was so shitty, we laughed and it was funny and we would use it as a joke. Now it’s gotten less shitty that no one is laughing but everyone is pissed off because it’s not good enough to replace the “actual” camera. Everyone is stuck in limbo now because of you. It’s not bad enough to justify bringing a camera, but still good enough not to. You’ve debilitated a generation of youth on competent photography just because your ego was too big. You wanted to do and to be too much too quickly. You try to do it all but the last thing you try is to be is yourself, because calling someone is the last thing I want to do with you.

Closing

The problem isn’t with you, it’s me. I’ve made you become this slutty anorexic fickle fatass that’s consumed with corporate greed and middling specifications just because I wanted to like instagram pictures while I shit, and I’ve realized that it’s wrong. I think it’s time we let this relationship go and I stop pretending that you’re still the same “cellphone” that you claim to be, because you’re no longer that anymore. I have to move on and accept that you’re now something else.