status stigma
Bear with me as this is a bit long…
I was listening to some music while typing this but I stopped it as I cannot fathom of what I am about to share. I was thinking of a good way to start and I can’t think of any. I will be more serious as I always was.
So I deactivated my Facebook –again, can’t even remember as I did that countless time. And can you guess why? My "depression"- uh oh. I used the wrong term, I guess the best thing that it describes what I am feeling now is insecurity and loneliness? Which I haven’t felt for quite a long time as I got a huge quantity of friends around. Not until they left me one at a time since I no longer have something to offer. Social media’s use for me is to connect with people I value. But whom am I going to connect with when they already left me hanging?
Is it insecurities, why? Is it because they have sort of things in their life that doesn’t involve me? Maybe. Or much more or an obligation? Whenever I clicked that log in button it felt like I am being responsible on how everyone’s day go. It felt like I am slaved by the “LIKE” button. As it was like a mandated duty to give thumbs up on every posts that does not relate to me or neither my interest. It felt like I was living throughout every lie that's covered by the statuses, emojis and photos. That maybe I used the term “depression” to make it through the bandwagon and be on trend. But at some point, I did let myself get fooled.
I have already stopped getting inclined with the platform, I need a break from everything. I do not want to be frustrated, mad, get furious with people who dislikes and disagrees with me. I no longer care anymore. I just wanted to live my life without getting all the feels on my electronic device. I wanted a simple conversation, not chatting that will eventually end up with “k.”. I wanted to see you and express my feelings face to face without using the those annoying emojis. And I wanted to talk, not take pictures of what I am eating or tagging where am I currently at. I want to start thinking and stop scrolling. Realizing that all of those are not important. I want to live as if it’s the last.