#stella;self

[cosmicballads]

#7. Waking Up Alone

Who→ Stella When→ Sometime in July 2016, about 1 year after losing Scott, Rigel is around 7 months old Words→ 401 What→ **Reposted from here, polished up with some minor editing** One of many mornings in Stella's attempt to work through the grieving process while navigating as a single first time parent Prompt→ no. 7 - Waking Up Alone

It had become routine by now. Her morning routine rarely varied unless she or Rigel had a doctor’s appointment. Some mornings had become harder than others, and there wasn’t anything Stella could do to fix it. She found herself lying wide awake at night, only to be rudely awakened by her alarm less than four hours later. Stella often wondered if Rigel had a sixth sense about this; not disturbing his mother in the few hours of fitful sleep she managed to get each night, and was always wide awake and chewing on his toes when she would come get him to start his morning. She appreciated how intuitive her son was. She appreciated that he didn’t make her nights much harder than they were and that he tended to be a quiet baby. It was as if he knew that she had become sound sensitive. Not that the silence was any better. It was still deafening, it just started to get a little quieter.

Three AM was a particularly rough time if she was still wide awake, counting the patterns she could find in the ceiling tiles or sitting on the floor by Rigel’s crib, memorizing each little movement of the mobile as she listened to Rigel’s soft breathing. If she drifted off to sleep -- which she usually did -- she wasn’t rested. Hell, she couldn’t remember the last time she woke up rested. It had been just over a year now. But she had things to do; she couldn’t spend time worrying about whether she was well-rested or not day in and day out. Not with an active seven-month-old.

--

She slept in. The cacophony of sounds that met her ears was almost too much. The alarm on her phone unrelenting, Tycho at the foot of her bed barking and the muffled sounds of Rigel’s cries from the other room all sounding at once and steadily seeming to grow louder. Stella made no effort to stop any of the noises except to pull her pillow over her head to shut it out. It was too much. Too loud. 

“Babe,” her words muffled by the pillow, “can you please take care of your son?” When she received no response, she lifted the pillow over her head to be met with an empty bed.

And then it hit her.

She was still alone.

She was going to wake up alone for a while.

[cosmicballads]

Who→ Stella, Finnegan with mentions of Estevan and Logan What→ As per usual, Estevan only wants what’s best for his real life ship...and does it in the best way he knows how When→ Sometime between the birth of Rigel and the return of Scott Words→ 355 Warnings→ None

@stevienicksrps​

Stella wasn’t sure how she always managed to end up trapped in the smallest room - larger than the closet this time, thankfully - but Estevan had managed to lock her and Finnegan in the room, shouting something that it was in their best interest. They knew it was fruitless to try the door, Este would have something stopping it from being opened from the inside. The only problem, as Stella found out once she did a pat down of her pockets, she didn’t have her phone on her to send Hazel or Logan a message and from the look on Finn’s face...he didn’t have his either.

“How do we always end up here?” Finnegan asked, glancing around the empty room, his gaze ending up on Stella as she moved to slide down the nearest wall. Finn moved to be next to Stella, copying her actions.

“It’s for our best interests, remember?” Stella tilted her head in Finn’s direction, reaching over to grasp his hand. “One of these days he’s going to catch us and think he’s been the mastermind behind it all.”

“I don’t understand why we just don’t tell him, it can end this being trapped in a room sort of thing.” Stella remained silent for several beats, allowing herself time to take Finn’s point in consideration. Stella nodded after a while, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. 

“Can we give it a couple more weeks? Let him feel like he’s on the verge of us giving in? I like that it’s still just between us for now.” They fell into a comfortable silence, listening for any sounds of movement outside the door. They heard Logan’s voice outside the door, a gentle reprimand in Este’s direction as she worked to let her friends free. Finn let go of Stella’s hand as the door opened, giving Logan a sort of wave. 

“You two should just tell him at this point, it’s getting harder for Hazel and I to not just let you guys alone at this point.” Finn took this moment to look at Stella, ready for an ‘I told you so.’

[cosmicballads]

Who→ Stella & Rigel and the Maddon parents What→ Stella lamenting to her mother about Rigel’s vocabulary, Rigel saying new words Words→ 989 Notes→ So with the kiddos that I work with this year, I have a couple of nonverbal ones and I’m learning everyday how to figure out what they’re trying to communicate and even with the super limited vocabulary (i.e “stupid” is one of the words that I get told whenever one of them doesn’t want to do anything academic and is laying on the floor kicking me) it’s still a learning process for me and these kids.

Very rarely did Stella voice her frustration with Rigel's vocabulary, or lack thereof.  She could say she understood that kids did things at their own pace until she was blue in the face; but when it came down to it, it was starting to take its toll on her with her own son. With the age of four approaching and her son's verbal communication not improving beyond the handful of words he'd been using, Stella was losing any hope that her son would be able to fully verbalize anything. She could figure out what he was telling her but not without plenty of trial, error and frustrated screams to get there. With the lack of vocabulary came the unsolicited advice and while Stella was putting some research into finding a speech pathologist for Rigel, she still believed that it would all change overnight and she wouldn’t have to worry about how far behind he was falling compared to his peers.

The workers at the daycare would inform Stella if Rigel had formed a new word or if a string of nonsense words were incredibly close to what he was trying to convey and she would take that as a small step towards victory. Still, there were certain words Stella was itching to hear and with each passing day and the very enthusiastic message of “He asked for apples today!” followed by Rigel repeating the word apples as clear as day, Stella’s desire for those words was continuing to grow. Soon. She'd tell herself, believing that as soon as the magic words came out of Rigel's mouth that she would never tire of hearing it. 

Still Stella worked at home and in transit, constantly talking to Rigel, doing anything to get him to pick up more. Hell, even if Rigel were to start cursing because he didn't know better, she would take it. Anything would pass at this point. 

"I want to hear my name!" She had lamented to her mother, pulling at the ends of her hair in frustration while Rigel and her father played in another room. "It's frustrating hearing him call Scott or Finn 'dad' and I'm just a string of sounds." Stella dragged one hand down her face, not bothering to look up at her mother.  "I know he knows who I am and that's all I can really ask for but I just…Mom, I want to hear him call me mom. Just once." The couch dipped next to Stella where her mother sat down, the woman placing her hand on top of her daughter's and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You can't rush him Stella. He's getting there, he's just doing it in his own time." Loren's words were soft, as she attempted to reassure Stella that everything would be alright in due time. A frustrated groan left Stella, knowing that her mother's words weren't meant to irritate her but they weren't what she wanted to hear in the moment.

"And what if he never says it?"

"Then you'll be called something else and it will be just as good, if not better." Stella grunted in response, although her mother's words brought some sort of comfort to her.

"Stella!" Stella stood to follow the sound of her father's voice, standing in the doorway to see what was happening before her. "Stella, listen to this." Xavier turned his attention to Rigel, pulling the three year old into his lap. "Rigel, who am I?" 

"Papa!" Stella's expression darkened briefly before she forced a smile onto her face, squatting and holding her hands out so Rigel could climb into her arms.

"Good job, bud! That's your Papa!" Stella gave Rigel a small squeeze, almost wanting to tempt fate to see if he could say who she was. Stella let Rigel go so he could return to playing, feeling her mother's presence behind her. One look at her father's face told her that her parents were sharing a look.

"Ah, Lor, what was that thing you wanted me to fix again?" Stella watched as her father got up and followed her mother out, leaving her alone with her son. Stella moved further into the room and sat on the floor near Rigel, allowing him to bring over the toys he had been playing with earlier. 

Stella and Rigel played in a sort of silence, the only noises that came from them were the excitable nonsense and sound effects Rigel came up with. Stella hummed as Rigel continued with his nonsense words, taking all the toys he had shoved in Stella’s lap before settling himself in the now clean spot.

“Are you ready to go home, Ri? Eat dinner?”

“Apples?” Stella nodded, nuzzling her nose into Rigel’s shoulder.

“We can have apples.” Rigel bounced in Stella’s lap, turning his body to throw his arms around her neck and squeezing tightly in a hug. “How about chicken nuggets too?” A squeal gave her the answer she was looking for and Stella made a soft noise in response. She held onto Rigel as she got to her feet, stooping over to place him back on the ground. “Clean up first then we eat.”

“Eat!” Rigel stared at his mother, waiting to see if she’d budge on the idea of cleaning up but with a soft but stern ‘clean’, Rigel crossed his arms and pointed at his small pile, looking back at Stella with an incredibly pitiful look on his face.

“What do you say if you need help?” she asked, squatting back to his level, reaching for one of the toys to hand to him.

“Mama!” Stella froze, unsure if she heard him correctly, the toy falling out of her grasp.

“Wha-what do you say, baby?” 

“Help!” Stella started to shake her head before nodding. “Mama help me!” 

“Y-yeah, that’s exactly it. Rigel, who am I?”

“Mama!” Stella pulled him into her arms and held him tight.

“Okay, time to clean up.” 

[cosmicballads]

*BONUS*

who→ Stella and Rigel what→ Mother-son bonding time at the aquarium words→ 896

Stella tried at least once a week to have a day where it was just her and Rigel, where they would do whatever it was that her son wanted (within reason) and she would try to provide him with some of the quality time that they were lacking otherwise. It became easier as he grew older (the twos were truly terrible for this) and Stella was able to include more choices in their outings. He could last longer throughout his days without needing to stop for a nap and Stella didn't have to carry quite as much with her for the inevitable tantrum.

The process was harder than it looked, Stella had cards with the pictures of places they could go (the zoo, the aquarium, a sporting event etc) and spread them out before Rigel, letting him look them over and pick the destination in whatever method he so chose. Stella would say it, hoping that somewhere in this Rigel would repeat her words and expand his vocabulary beyond 'yes', 'no', 'da' and the ever popular 'yike'. Although this has lead to a small handful of tantrums and Stella very nearly canceling their trips, she would see some progress and what she could only assume was an attempt at repeating her before flinging a picture of a lion in her face. That meant the zoo was out (Stella was not complaining, the last time they were at the zoo, every animal was ‘yike!’ followed by a scream). 

Stella’s attempts at getting Rigel to repeat after her on the way to the aquarium ended as soon as she had him firmly against her hip while they walked through the parking lot to get inside. He babbled at her in turn as she made noises of understanding, allowing him to whack her in the nose whenever he saw something between the car and the entrance that sparked his interest. “Safe hands.” She reminded him, turning her son loose once they entered. Rigel turned back to look at her holding both hands up to show her that he was being safe before heading to the first tank, pressing as much of his body as he could against the glass. “What do we see?” She asked, crouching down to his level to try and see what he could be looking at. Rigel responded with an incoherent string of words and sounds, reaching over to fling his arms around his mother’s neck and make himself comfortable on one of her legs. “That’s right, it’s a starfish. What’s that?” Stella pointed at another fish in the tank, adjusting herself in her squatted position before locating whatever Rigel was pointing at. “Ffff-iiiii-shhh.” she said softly, stroking his hair as she sounded the word out.

“Yike!” Stella ducked her head with a slight laugh before shaking her head as Rigel slid off of her lap and made his way to the next set of tanks to look at what he could see was in there. “No.” He told her, pointing at a particularly bright fish, turning his attention away from Stella as it swam past him.

“What color is it?” Stella asked, earning a confused look before Rigel pointed at his shirt. “Good job, bud, it’s blue.” Stella followed Rigel close behind as he made his way around the aquarium, stopping at each tank while he watched the sea creatures swim past him, his babbling growing more and more excited each passing fish and Stella’s gentle identifiers with each one. She pointed out Nemo and Dory and the sharks with varying degree of interest in response.

The seahorse and jellyfish were another story, Rigel bouncing excitedly in his spot, eyes glued to the gentle ebbs and flows of the creatures as they let the water dictate how they went about their business. “Those are jellyfish.” Rigel looked at Stella wide eyed, trying to put two and two together before Stella could answer. “Not like your sandwich.” His brows furrowed, not quite believing his mother before turning to another jellyfish tank.

“Da?” he questioned, raising his hands up for Stella to pick him up once more. Stella obliged his request, pressing her lips to the crown of his head. They continued through most of the aquarium like this, Rigel leaning out of his mother’s arms to get as close to the glass of the tank as possible until she eventually gave up and put him back down. Rigel climbed into the circular window, one hand on the glass while the other pointed to a particularly quick fish darting above his head. “Yike!” he whispered, finger following the fish around with his index finger out, repeating ‘yike’ over and over as it swam in and out of his vision. Stella pulled her phone out of her pocket, squatting some to a better angle as she opened the camera. She took a few pictures, sending the best of them to her parents and her friends before pocketing the phone once more to scoop her son up. “No!” Rigel giggled, trying to push Stella’s head away.

“You’re not hungry?” Rigel nodded, although his attention went back to the fish he seemed so enchanted by. “Let’s go eat and then we’ll try to come back, okay?” Rigel made a face, choosing to continue his babbling as Stella carried him out of the last exhibit with Stella responding in kind. 

[atcmicorgasms]

back to square one

who→ Stella, mentions of Scott and @infinitelonging ‘s Hazel and brief appearance by Rigel what→ starting over warnings→ none? words→ 724

“You just aren’t doing enough, Stella.” Stella bit her tongue, not going to retort with what was on the tip of her tongue. She wasn’t doing enough? Stella could list on both hands just what she did and had to adjust to make sure the house wasn’t a complete disaster every time she turned around. To make sure that he wasn’t a complete disaster. Stella pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a long sigh into the receiver. Arguing in her defense could lead to them bringing Scott back and letting her handle as she had been or they'd keep him longer; the argument showing that she was fighting just to fight. In the end, Stella really couldn't see either option as a win. Their conversation ended shortly after that, no promise of when Scott would come back home, just that he’d be home when they decided he could do more to take care of himself. Even Stella knew in the deepest part of her that it'd be longer than anybody would anticipate.

Stella stood in the center of her living room, tugging her hands through her hair. She was used to being alone, she had been from the time she started her relationship with Scott. It hadn’t changed, even with him coming home in his current state, she wasn’t physically alone but the distance was still there. The only difference was she had to take care of Rigel and change how that routine had gone. At least this time she knew where he was, just no clue what was actually being done or if it was going to do more harm than good. Stella didn't want to think ill of her in-laws but they didn't have the best relationship to begin with. Hell, they didn't meet their grandson until he was a little over a year old.

Her first instinct, once she had gathered her thoughts and made some sort of game plan, was to call one of her fellow nerds, bitch into the phone until it was time to pick Rigel up from daycare and then bitch more on the way home. The only problem with that was she had most probably alienated them for a while. Her thumb hovered over the speed dial for Hazel, her best course of action to bitch at when she stopped. She had to apologize first, jumping in with her Days of Our Lives storyline wasn't how it was done, no matter how desperately she needed to get it out. The stubborn part of her was still waiting for Hazel or even Finnegan to apologize to her. Al three of them were in the wrong, why should she have to apologize about it first?

She let out an annoyed groan, shuffling through the rooms of the house to see how much of his stuff had been taken once again. Since a good bit of his Scott’s stuff had still been in boxes, it at least was easy for them to take what was needed and leave everything else behind. Clothes, meds, the few things that came post-mortem were out. At least there wasn’t too much for Stella to have to worry about rearranging or replacing to make the space feel less empty; there wasn’t much to begin with. If she wanted to attempt to continue to look on the bright side, she didn’t have to really break the news to Rigel, he was still too little to really understand it but she had a feeling he could sense when things weren’t quite right.

Stella pressed her lips to the crown of Rigel’s head once she had picked him up, holding him a little closer than usual for a few moments. He squirmed in her arms, letting out an excited squeal and pointing in the direction of the car as they got into the parking lot. “Well, my dear, it looks like you and I are on our own for a little longer.” She told him, buckling him into the car seat. “Daddy is visiting grandma and grandpa and once they get their shit together, he may or may not come back.” She ran her hand through his hair, followed by a soft smile and the retrieval of a toy from the floor of the backseat. “But don’t worry, it’s going to be just fine.”

[atcmicorgasms]

A Moment/First Words

who→ Stella, Rigel and @infinitelonging​‘s Finnegan Wallace what→ a moment when→ one afternoon/early evening words→ 857 warnings→ the saddest thing to ever grace ur screens. None actually

There was something to the delighted screech that came from Rigel the minute he laid eyes on Finn that brought a bit of a smile to Stella’s face. Rigel let go of her hand and barrelled into Finn’s legs, reaching up so he could be picked up. She chuckled once Rigel got his wish, watching as the toddler tried to squish his cheeks in form of greeting. “Sorry it’s kind of short notice but I guess therapy has been moved to the house.” she apologized, reaching into the diaper bag she had slung over her shoulder to offer Rigel one of his stuffed toys to distract him for a moment.

“It’s fine, I haven’t seen this guy in a while, I was starting to miss him.” Stella stayed rooted in her spot as Finn took Rigel deeper inside, the two of them in an intense staring contest. She followed them after a beat, dropping everything on the floor next to the couch before she herself got settled onto the floor in front of it. Rigel came running into her arms as soon as he was set free, immediately attempting to climb over her before giving up and running back to Finn who had made himself comfortable not too far away. They stayed like that for some time with Rigel going between the two of them as if he couldn’t make up his mind as to who he wanted to see more. It didn’t take too much longer before Rigel grew bored and took the stuffy Stella had been holding and plopped himself on the ground between the two of them, keeping himself entertained.

Stella scooted over to Finn’s side and let out a long breath, leaning backward to stretch against the carpet. “He was so excited to come here.” Not that Rigel wasn’t ever excited but something about hearing Finnegan’s name brought a big smile to her son’s face. “More excited than when I get home from work. I think he likes me more than you.” As if on cue, Rigel’s attention turned back to Finn and he thrust the toy under his nose in the process of climbing into Finn’s lap. Stella couldn’t help but laugh as she watched Finn wrap an arm around Rigel and pull him to the floor with them, the happy giggles causing her heart to swell. The stuffy was tossed somewhere behind him with Rigel’s attention back to Stella, his little hands reaching to lift up part of her shirt, his head dropping suddenly in an attempt to blow raspberries, leaving a small puddle of saliva in his wake. “Come here, you.” she grabbed him before he could get away and in turn blew raspberries against his neck before setting him free.

“Da!” There was no doubt about who Rigel was referring to as he tried to do the same to Finn.

Too many beats passed before either of them could correct it. Stella certainly should have but she was too enamored in watching her two favorite people play together to realize that Rigel had even mislabeled Finnegan until it was too late.  Stella met Finnegan’s gaze for the briefest of moments before Rigel’s head got in the way, his toothy grin looming over Stella before he found something else to be entertained by for a couple of minutes. She let out an ‘oof’ as he crawled over her, stepping square on her stomach before he flopped onto Finnegan, reaching up to pull at his nose. It had been a while since Stella had seen Rigel so unbridled with joy that the fact that he was climbing all over the two of them and able to be as loud as he wanted, that she wasn’t going to complain if she ended up with a rib or two that was bruised from his excitement.

Another ‘oof’ escaped her as Rigel finally settled between them, cuddling up against Finnegan with his rear thrusted in the air near Stella’s face.

“He’s not wrong.” she mumbled after a moment, moving her head so she wasn’t going to get a face full of diaper. “I mean, you’ve been with him since the very beginning...and it doesn’t help that I called you hot dad around him all the time.” Stella raised up to rest on one arm, watching as Rigel made himself comfortable against him. “We’ll-I’ll have to figure something out. To correct him.”

“It’s fine. He’s still little. It might just confuse him more.” She nodded, returning to her original position on the floor. A silence fell between them before, “wait was that his first word?”

“That was his first word.” Stella let out an excited sort of noise as it sunk in. “He’s growing way too fast. How am I going to handle him getting older?” Stella glanced over at the feeling of Finnegan’s hand taking hers and squeezing it.

“Same way you are now.” Stella smiled, returning the squeeze. “Rigel’s a great kid, the two of you will be fine.” Stella nodded, rolling over to her side and closing her eyes, a small yawn escaping her.

“Do you mind if we-?”

“Go ahead.”

[atcmicorgasms]

who→ Stella what→ the final part in a two year’s journey of love, loss and closure (the first 9 parts can be found here with bonus parts) when→ mid-late November word count→ 464 words(the entire series [parts 1-11] clocks in at a total of 7,489 words, if we were to include the 3 one-offs, 10,121 words total) warnings→ language really

She was looking at a fucking ghost. Nothing about the sight before Stella was right and no matter how many times she imagined her past year and a half with a different result, this wasn’t it. There was no way in hell that this was what she held onto for over a year. What was worse was that she didn’t know if she should cry, scream or any combination of the two. Stella stood frozen in place, knuckles turning white from the grip she held on her phone.

Stella felt the warmth of fresh tears streaming down her cheeks before she even realized she was crying, a choked sob alerting her to what reaction she had involuntarily chosen. Even with the tears blurring her vision she was still seeing a ghost. She reached up to wipe away the tears and the snot starting to run from her nose, taking a shaky breath in the process. She still couldn’t move, her legs felt like lead and as much as she wanted to even take a step back, she was rooted to the spot.

“H-how?” she managed to get out, letting her phone fall to the carpet. This had to have been some sort of fever dream, that was the only explanation for it. Stella reached out, wanting so desperately to touch but pulled her hand back. If she touched and he went away she’d be more upset than she could even dream of. “I-thought- I thought…” she trailed off, unable to gather her words. Instead he moved towards her, albeit hesitantly and Stella felt her legs give out underneath her, her body wracked with heavy sobs as she sat on the floor of the living room.

None of this was right, none of this should have even been plausible. It was another dream laced with good intentions and she wanted to wake up from it. But the sudden start and pounding of her heart never came. All she had was a long, heavy silence, save for her sobs. Nothing in her grief counseling had prepared her for this. Prepared her for when everything she thought she had known was shredded to pieces by the appearance of one person. The one that had long since been buried.

She really didn’t know what she was expecting, arms wrapping around her and assuring her everything was okay? Everything around her stood still for moments too long before an arm hesitantly wrapped around her shoulders, pulling Stella into the middle of their chest, a shushing noise coming from the lips that were pressed against the crown of her head.

“It’s okay, I’m here. It’ll be okay.” His words sounded as hollow as she felt and Stella wasn’t sure if she could believe them as much as she wanted to.

[atcmicorgasms]

who→ Stella with bonus mentions of Rigel, Scott and Finnegan Wallace what→ parts 9 and 10 of an 11 part series focusing on Stella, closure can start to be found (parts 1-4 can be found here, 5-8 here) when→ Late July for part 9, late October for part 10. word count→ 559 for part 9, 569 for part 10 for a total of 1,128 words warnings→ none that I can think of. But could also be considered the calm before the storm. 

ix.

Stella stood silently, eyes focused on the dust collecting on the shiny granite of the headstone before her. She rubbed Rigel’s back through the wrap tied around her front, shushing him gently from making too much noise and disturbing any others that may be near. “See?” she said to nobody in particular, pressing her nose to the crown of her son’s head. “I told you I could do it.” She fell silent again, taking a moment to settle herself on the ground. “Let’s see…” she trailed off, untying the wrap to free Rigel so she could sit him up in her lap.

All she had to do was some small reflecting and it wouldn’t take much for Stella to fall apart. She still kept up old habits, crossing off days on the calendar and leaving a voice message for her husband, filling him in on the days as they passed. She knew that one of these days she was going to have to disconnect that phone line but she wasn’t ready for it yet. She certainly didn’t want to forget the sound of Scott’s voice, even if it was only a brief outgoing message when she called.

But this time a year ago, Stella was a wreck, in denial, determined to believe what she knew was not possible. She was in an upswing! She wasn’t breaking down and crying every couple of hours, she was still set off by loud noises -- particularly the bangs and booms of cars backfiring and fireworks -- but she had taken to not falling silent where her deceased had been mentioned. Stella definitely couldn’t spend hours crying with Rigel needing her at every turn.

“I’m not ready to move on, not completely.” she spoke after a couple of minutes, letting Rigel pull on her fingers. “I think I started to make the motions though. Or at least I had my rebound.” Stella let out a sigh, shaking her head. “Would you be upset? Are you upset? That I slept with someone else. One of my friends.”

She didn't know what she was expecting, the ground to begin rumbling beneath her, the crash of thunder followed by lightning striking her down where she sat (missing Rigel of course, he was innocent in all of this). Instead, a gentle breeze lifted the loose hairs on her head and that put Stella at relative ease. She could take it as a sign that she was given the go ahead or she could take it as it were -- the differences in atmospheric pressure as pulled by the Coriolis Effect.

She liked the idea of it being a sign better. It sat better on her conscience that way. Stella fell silent, her train of thought moving from the current conversation with the gravestone. Rigel continued to pull at her fingers, eventually deciding that sticking one in his mouth was going to be more conducive to his time in Stella’s lap, coating her index finger in more drool than she ever thought imaginable. Stella stayed like that for some time, until Rigel had gotten tired of her finger and it had long since started to get pruney.

She wrapped Rigel back against her chest, securing the fabric and rising, letting out a small sigh. “We’ll talk later, I better get him home so he can nap properly. I’ll come back soon.”

x.

Closure was a funny thing. Stella never expected to find it, not with a reminder for the remainder of her life needing her at every turn. She had gotten lucky, she supposed. Rigel had more of her features than she expected and that made it easier. He didn’t remind her of her husband, he reminded her of just her son whose closest father figure was her own father. It was Finnegan but ever since they stopped talking, Rigel would need one that she knew she’d still talk to in a few years time when it began to get real rough. She didn’t know where she and Finnegan stood and she was afraid to find out if it wouldn’t work out in the end.

She had to be the bigger person.

Stella figured that she could use Rigel to get him to answer her but she didn’t want to put her son in the middle of it. It wasn’t going to be fair for any of them. She left him a message, asking if he’d come over one of the nights he was free so they could talk and air it out. She had to apologize, after all, it was her big mouth that had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

It was going to take some time and time hadn’t really been on Stella’s side in the recent past. She wasn’t going to push it though, if it took another year or so for everything to go back to resembling normal than she’d do her best to wait that year. But it was enough to make Stella laugh, she could find closure on one chapter of her life and another one was refusing to end. To wrap up, even if it was messy, she would take it. She needed as much closure as possible. It was just harder to get than she realized.

She didn’t expect him come over as soon as he did, in fact, Stella had missed his reply text while she was in the middle of giving Rigel his bath. It was when her phone rang that she stopped what she was doing to momentarily reach for the device, keeping one hand on the child who decided that splashing was going to be worth getting all family members in the room just as wet as he was. Shrieks of delight included as she fumbled with answering the phone call. Her face lit up at the sound of Finnegan’s voice and she shushed Rigel to no avail who made sent a tiny wave of lukewarm bathwater over the edge of the tub. She hung up shortly after -- “Rigel’s trying to give me a bath, we’ll talk in a bit.” and lifted her son out of the tub, blowing a raspberry against his neck.

Stella fidgeted with Rigel’s key ring as she waited anxiously for Finnegan to come in, pacing in front of the coffee table until he knocked, followed by the door opening and Tycho barking in greeting at the familiar intruder. Stella stopped in her tracks and hurriedly combed her hair back, still damp from the impromptu shower she had gotten. Instinctively, Stella moved to embrace Finnegan, as if she hadn’t been avoiding him after all this time and the fact that she received a hug in return, lifted a weight from her shoulders and Stella was able to visibly relax.

“I’m sorry.”