#stephhk

[subtlyreckless]

“What you two had had everything and nothing to do with intelligence. He was good, and you were both lucky to have found each other, because you too are good.” - André Aciman, Call Me By Your Name

[subtlyreckless]

“I should've stopped to paint our picture

Captured honest pure affection

Just to document the difference

Between attraction and connection”

-Nine, La Dispute

These lyrics have been playing in my head lately

[subtlyreckless]

I used to worship her

But now we’re just dating

Falling is exciting and dangerous

Walking next to someone is mundane and healthy

No one is supposed to be a religion

The worshipper never wanted to be on their knees

And the worshipped never asked to be exalted

Being a human of intensity

It is in me to over-display my affection

To paint murals, plan trips, consider my future vows

But she never said my small acts of kindness were not enough

Funny how I often decide in my head what others must want

Instead of asking and finding out that I was already deserving

That I was more than enough

[subtlyreckless]

She laughed when I asked for a lighter

For her candles

Thinking I was insinuating sex

But I just wanted emotional intimacy

Lavender in the air

Her face three inches from mine

The softest strobe light only a candle could cast

Playing across her eyes

Like the fuzz of an old TV set on channel 2

Those eyes are my favorite

They cary love and secrets and a depth of the girl I love but can never fully know

Overwhelmed with feeling

I didn’t tell her but I teared up after we fucked

I didn’t even mean to fuck in the first place

But then it was so hot and emotion filled

My feelings for her climaxing

I want to love every little bit of her

And there is so much to her

‘More than the sum of her parts’

I’ve always wanted to find someone worthy of those words

Love struck

Those eyes

The slight smile

Her skin

Her smell

This is everything

[subtlyreckless]

She tapped my temple with her pointer finger “where do you go?”

I nuzzled my nose into her neck, breathing her in but keeping my eyes open. And silently repeated it to myself “where do I go?”

[subtlyreckless]

Last week I met a girl

And I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m with her

And I guess I didn’t know it could feel this good

And that is both terrifying and the best kind of wonderful

And I want to know if we will be together, and if it will be for days or decades

When I think of the next time I’ll see her I feel phenomenally manic

When I think of the possibility of it ending, like anything can, I mourn ever experiencing our uncanny connection to then return to a lessened life

But truly, I would rather know and lose something this visceral than live not

thinking it exists

I could write endless words about her and who I think her to be, but I’d rather spend my time learning all that makes her who she is

[subtlyreckless]

chimichurri on steak and our first “I love you”

@brightenlebeau

[subtlyreckless]

I’ve never looked into anyone’s eyes the way we did tonight

Something about such direct eye contact made me emotional

I’ve never been looked at like that

I’ve not felt that seen

Like I was that worth knowing

It bonded me to her in a way I don’t fully understand yet