Insert title here // Ficlet (Part one)
It wasn’t until weeks later, on the way back from a particularly dull mission alone with the soldier, that Tony noticed the way the soldier flinched and jumped every time Tony tapped his shoulder without warning or accidentally nudged him with his elbow. Steve’s eyes were fixed on the window of the helicopter and looking down at the water below them, Tony smiled and placed a very careful hand on Steve’s shoulder, “It is safe, these things have been around for a while and they’re okay if that’s what you’re scared of…” He gestured to the space around them, “It’s not like we’re going to crash into the…” He stopped himself and Steve smiled weakly, his face pale as they flew over more and more water, his leg bouncing nervously and his breathing rate picking up. Tony mentally kicked himself. “Y-you okay Cap? You don’t look so good. Maybe you should sleep for the rest of the journey...” He really didn’t want the Captain throwing up in his new helicopter. He – begrudgingly - allowed Steve to rest his head on his shoulder and close his eyes, he could tell by the man’s erratic breathing and how tense he was, that Steve was still very awake - even if he did look like he could sleep for another 70 years.
Another week passed and Tony was realising that all the Avengers living under one roof was more stressful than he had anticipated, to the point where he was pretty sure he’d seen some green on Bruce who he had quickly shepherded down to his workshop to calm down and look at his designs. At some point in the night Tony stretched and turned to see Bruce fast asleep in the corner of the workshop and decided it was probably about time he should find some food; he checked his watch and laughed quietly, “Already 5am, good work Stark…” He huffed to himself and made his way up to the kitchen. He was happily making himself a sandwich when he heard rustling behind him, turning sharply to see what fresh new enemy was attacking his tower before relaxing, lowering the loaf of bread he had been ready to use as a weapon or shield. Steve was sitting on the sofa, sketching absently, or he would have been had he not been turning the page hastily to hide whatever he was already drawing. Tony raised an eyebrow but chose to ignore it, “Cap?” Steve jumped and looked up, as though he had been caught doing something wrong.
“Oh… Hello, Stark.” He muttered, closing his sketchbook over now and blinking slowly up at him. Tony frowned as he noticed the glazed look of the Captain’s eyes, the frown grew deeper as he looked Steve over, he was much paler than normal, dark circles under his eyes which didn’t seem to want to stop watering, and he had a very vacant look about him.
“Steve you don’t look well…” Tony sat next to him and placed a hand on the soldier’s shoulder, “Something bothering you? Keeping you up? You look like I do when I’ve been in my workshop for a week… But less handsome.” He nodded and Steve laughed weakly, shaking his head.
“I’m fine, Stark, just a little tired, I’ve not been sleeping so good…”
“Are the mattresses not comfortable enough? Too comfortable? I can change your bed for you.” Tony laughed this time but Steve shook his head and buried his face in his hands and Tony just stared at him, not sure what to do and eventually settling for placing a hand on his back and rubbing soothing circles. “Hey, it’s okay… Whatever... the issue is…” He hinted awkwardly at Steve to talk but the soldier shook his head once again and rested against Tony’s shoulder again, closing his eyes softly. Tony shifted uncomfortably for a moment before getting Steve to lie down, the blonde’s head resting on his knees as he carded his fingers through his hair to get the man to sleep.
The next morning Tony slipped out from under Steve’s head before anyone could wake up, the soldier fast asleep for the first time in days and a faint smile on his lips. Tony threw a blanket over him and pushed his hair back from his forehead softly, frowning as curiosity tempted him to create a mind reading device of some kind to find out what was going on with the soldier. It wasn’t until Steve came to him a few hours later asking for new punching bags because he ‘accidentally got mad’ at the thirty that Tony had in storage already, that the billionaire finally decided to ask Jarvis to do a search of all of Steve’s symptoms.
Tony felt sick that he – of all people – hadn’t caught on to it earlier, the panicky behaviour, the lack of sleep and everything else he had noticed, Steve was sick and he hadn’t even realised until Jarvis had almost completed the search, “Sir?” The robotic voice spoke to him as he threw a mug across the room in frustration, “How? How could I possibly be so stupid?” He growled out, running his hands through already messed up hair as he started to pace, around his workshop, Jarvis’s nervous “Sir” Reaching his ears on the fifth attempt, “What, Jarvis?” He snapped quickly and turned to the nearest screen, the search results scrolling up onto one of the screens, Tony scanned the screen and buried his face in his hands, he took a steadying breath before nodding, “Thank you Jarvis, I’ll deal with this.”
He found Steve where he always found him, where everyone always found him, beating the crap out of patched up punching bags in the gym, face screwed up in concentration and, Tony noticed, his eyes closed tightly as he punched, getting more and more aggressive with each swing until he let out a grunt at his arm flying too quickly through open space and the bag hit the wall opposite. Steve ran his hands over his face and Tony cleared his throat, hoping not to frighten him “You okay Steve?”
“You don’t look it.” Steve shot a look at him, irritable as he picked up another bag, “I’ve ordered you a hundred of those, you’re going through the old ones so quickly I thought it might help...” Tony bit his lip and moved closer to Steve, taking a deep breath and biting the bullet, “You’re not well Steve; I think you need to talk to someone before you get worse...” He muttered, genuine concern in his eyes as he looked up at Steve, still pale and tired looking, if not a little worse than a few days previous. Steve’s defensive expression stopped and he suddenly looked fragile, Tony stopped himself from stepping away from him – he didn’t like this emotion, it was too difficult to work with other people going through this stuff. “That punching bag,” He pointed with a low chuckle and looked back at Steve wearily, “It didn’t deserve that, what exactly was it you were thinking that got you so frustrated…” Steve blinked and made to move past him, Tony’s hand stopping him, resting in the centre of Steve’s chest. “I don’t think I could take you in a fight Capsicle but I am willing to try it if it means you’ll talk to me.”
Steve stepped back and shook his head, “Not here, can’t we go somewhere people are less likely to barge in?”
“I’ve always been curious what makes a super soldier tick; we could go down to my workshop.” Tony suggested with a chuckle, Steve sighing and nodding curtly and allowing him to lead the way.
In the workshop Steve wasn’t any more calm, looking around at all the technology Tony had hidden away on benches and worktops, the different tools and gadgets catching Steve’s eye and bringing out his more curious side, a small, baffled look about him. “Rogers, focus.” Tony snorted as Steve stared around the room with wide eyes. “What were you thinking about in the Gym, Steve? Why were you so frustrated?”
Steve paused, shaking a little and biting his lower lip, thinking and just staring at Tony before finally working up the courage to answer with a small, quiet, “Everything.” His blue eyes were fixed on Tony now and the genius could see how much Steve had been affected, his hair was hanging limply around his face and scratchy stubble had been allowed to grow a little, so he looked rough without looking into his eyes, bloodshot and watering as he blinked slowly at Stark, dark rings beneath his eyes still prominent even after the few hours of sleep he had finally managed to achieve thanks to Tony. Tony frowned, expecting him to elaborate but shaking his head as Steve stayed silent, Okay Stark, you can work this out... Tony sighed lowly and leaned back in his chair.
“You’re thinking about everything you left behind? All the bad things, Bucky, Peggy… Hydra? All that stuff?” Steve nodded silently, “Now we’re getting somewhere.” He pulled Steve to the sofa he had hidden in a quiet corner of the room, “Sit…” He poured a glass of scotch for each of them, and sat down, “Before you say it, I know it has no effects on you, just pretend it does.” He held his hand out to silence Steve’s protest, “Best thing for you to do is… I guess it’s to talk to someone and I can get you medication that will ease any nerves or sad feelings and I can get you help, no one else has to know about this if you don’t want them to.”
They sat up for hours and Steve told him everything, of course he was thinking about the bad things, having flashbacks of losing Bucky, crashing the plane, being conscious and freezing as the water took him under, the shock from missing seventy years overnight, everyone he cared about or loved had grown old and died, left him behind while he stayed the same. Tony just listened as Steve talked, the two of them curled up together on the sofa as Steve started describing nightmares and telling Tony all the horrible things that had been keeping him up in the night, Tony having to stop him from speaking occasionally to help him wipe away a tear or to hold him closer and get him to calm down, the man was a wreck. Tony could practically see him falling apart as he spoke.
Tony stirred without realising he had even fallen asleep, the person next to him squirming and straining against the arm he had lazily draped over him though Tony’s grip grew stronger to keep Steve in place. They had fallen asleep on the sofa, Tony lying behind Steve with his arms locked around his waist, “Steve?” He grumbled groggily as he realised the man was still asleep, whimpering and scratching at Tony’s hands to free himself. Tony sat up and pulled so Steve was safely lying on the sofa, their legs tangled together as Steve started to tremble uncontrollably. Pulling the throw off the back of the sofa, Tony tried to warm Steve up and sighed quietly, he wasn’t sure how to handle this at all.
A few days passed and Tony settled into taking care of Steve, knowing what would trigger flashbacks or panic attacks and helping steer him clear of anything, Steve spent practically all his time with Tony in his workshop, sitting in the corner of the room and sketching or telling the man that he needed to stop and eat soon, Tony chuckled, it was like having a second Jarvis.
Tony frowned as he returned to the workshop after lunch finding a small note from Steve saying he had gone to shower and ‘get rid of this awful beard’ Tony sighed happily, surely that was a sign that Steve was getting better, the fact that he was joking around and doing things on his own. Tony set to work on upgrading his suit, making some repairs to the armour and generally tinkering around while he waited for Steve to come back, turning his music up a little louder and smiling to himself.
It wasn’t until a few hours later when Tony turned to show Steve the improvements to the suit that he realised Steve was still missing, his brows pulled together and he pushed himself up quickly from the workbench, music muting instantly as he ran up the stairs to the main living space of the tower, glancing around. Bruce was lying on the sofa with his head on Natasha’s shoulder and Clint was lying lazily across their knees because they were in his ‘spot.’ Tony frowned, Steve wouldn’t be with Thor because he was back on Asgard for a while and Fury was busy with other things, “You guys saw cap?” He asked quickly, trying to hide the worried tone. It was Bruce who answered him, sounding tired.
“Last I saw him going for a shower; I thought he was with you.” Tony swore under his breath and rushed to the bathroom, pounding his fists on the door, “Steve? Are you in there?” He pressed his ear to the door and heard running water, turning the handle and pushing the bathroom door open slowly, “I’m coming in, cover your dignity…” Tony chuckled and glanced around before looking down, Steve was curled up at the foot of the shower, clutching his head with his eyes screwed shut as the water ran over him. Tony stopped, a little stunned for a moment before he reached up to stop the water, seeing what the problem was as droplets hit his arm, the water was running cold, freezing cold in fact, must have changed while Steve was in there and shocked him a little too much. Tony managed to stop the water and knelt down in front of Steve, “Hey… Hey, it’s okay, I’ve got you…” He muttered, pushing the soldier’s hair back softly and smiling, “It’s over now…” Steve was trembling, cold air hitting his skin. Tony quickly got the fluffy blue towel that Steve lover to use, wrapping it around his shoulders before fetching his own, deep red one and covering his legs, deciding to keep him warm and dry him off as quickly and with as much dignity as he could before he even tried to get Steve to his feet. “C’mon, let’s get you warmed up properly.” He guided Steve gently out of the bathroom and into his own room as it was the nearest, finding clothes for Steve and helping him dress as he sat, shaking and unwilling to move other than his eyes following Tony around the room.
