Unsteady || Bucky & Steve
Bucky wouldn’t say that he’d been avoiding Steve, exactly, because he hadn’t been. He was always drawn to Steve like the other man had some sort of gravitational pull on him. Bucky always felt a little bit more comfortable when he knew where Steve was and knew that he was nearby. That wasn’t to say they were attached at the hip but he generally kept track of Steve’s movements, though he of course went out and did his own thing as well. But after the last mission, Bucky had been keeping a little more distant. Steve was comfort and familiarity, a reminder of who he used to be, and it was always easier to be himself (whoever that was now) around Steve. But after the mission? After Bucky had realised everything he’d worked for could be ripped away in a matter of seconds and he could once again become someone else’s tool? He’d relied more on the cool mask of the Winter Soldier, trying to tamp his rage and his stress down in order to be able to get through patrols and regular life without just breaking down. It was easier, to be unemotional, or at least try to be, though the rage and frustration and fear boiled under the surface. Truthfully, he didn’t think he would be able to maintain the mask with Steve, it would be harder, to be sure. But if he let the mask go what would be left? He didn’t need Steve to see him crumble. On the other hand, it was hard to stay away from Steve and maybe...maybe Bucky needed to crumble a little bit. He felt like a string stretched to the breaking point and like any movement could just make him snap. He needed his best friend. Steve was the best comfort he had and he just...needed that right now.
So he stood outside Steve’s door but hesitated for a moment. Bucky often warred with the idea of leaning on Steve and not wanting to burden him further. He had a lot on his plate with the war and he knew before his fall he’d been Steve’s support and he wanted to be that again, wanted to be the one who took care of Steve when no one else did. But Bucky needed to lean on him right now and that seemed to be winning out right now, as much as he regretted it. He swallowed and knocked on the door. “Steve? You in there?” His voice was level, it would take a bit to lower the mask, no doubt, now that he was relying on it so heavily again. There was a neutrality in his voice that he knew Steve didn’t like but it was either that or sound as raw as he felt and Bucky wasn’t quite ready for that yet.
