What You Want
Was watching Civil War and thought of this idea☺️. Hope you guys like it!
Pairing: Steve RogersxBlack Reader
⚠️: Bit of angst, mentions of death, fluff
Just hearing his short sniffles through the phone make you quickly stop typing as worry and fear fills your body.
“Steve, what’s wrong? You okay?”
“She’s gone,” he spoke just above a whisper.
“Who?”
“Peggy.”
In your short month of dating, Steve hadn’t gone too deep into detail about him and Peggy. You knew she was a very close friend and someone of major importance in his life. He honestly didn’t have to tell you though, since you could see that for yourself. Before Sam’s meetings, you could overhear the two men from your help desk talking a bit further up the hall about his earlier visit and how she was doing that day. Sometimes he’d have to leave early to go see her after getting calls from the nurse saying how she wouldn’t do anything they told her and kept asking for him.
The last part being the reason how you met after he accidentally swung the door open a bit too hard hitting your shoulder. He profusely apologized asking if you were hurt and even looked over the injured body part to see for himself. You insisted you were fine and even apologized yourself for being too close to the door in the first place, but he continued with his apologies.
The next day he arrived about 30 minutes early with a cupcake sealed in a small, plastic case and a single red carnation apologizing, yet again, for hurting your shoulder. This led to you both talking before and after meetings, getting coffee, and eventually your first date.
“I’m so sorry Steve. Give me a few minutes, I’ll be over soon.”
“You don’t have to. I’m at the compound right now, plus I-I know you’re probably busy.”
“I’m not. And even if I was, right now you’re more important.”
Miraculously, you can hear a smile break through his tears making you softly smile yourself.
“Thanks. You still don’t have to worry about coming to see me though.”
“You sure?”
“Yea, but only because I um think I’d rather be at your place. I-If that’s okay with you?”
“Of course. I’ll go ahead and order food so it’ll be here by the time you come.”
Sure enough, by the time Steve arrived at your door you had just finished removing the containers of Chinese from the paper bag they arrived in. Eyes and cheeks red, you immediately hug your arms around his waist as soon as he walks through the door. He tried to be strong, but feeling your warmth against him along with how sweet and caring you were only made him break down more.
Leading him to the couch, you spread one of your throw blankets across both of your laps before getting a tissue to wipe his tears. As you gently rubbed his back, he told you more about his relationship with Peggy and how finding out she was still alive when he thought he had no one only made her more important. Since then, he’d found out about Bucky being alive too, which came with its own complications, but now that she was gone, it was like a piece of him left too.
You finally got him to eat after a while longer of talking, and even watched a funny movie to try to get his mind off things. Before you could offer to cut on something else, you notice his closed eyes with head propped on his arm. He looked so peaceful as his long lashes sat against his skin with lips slightly parted, that you hated to wake him after the emotional day he had.
“Steve,” you gently speak rubbing his upper arm until his blue eyes slowly appeared. “Wake up, it’s late.”
He sits up with a stretch, covering a hand over his mouth to yawn before looking down at his watch.
“Oh you’re right, sorry.”
“No you’re fine,” you smile standing along side him as he starts to clean up the empty and half eaten boxes of food. “I can take care of it, you don’t have to do that.”
“After everything you’ve done it’s the least I could do,” he smiles putting what food he can together in one container and anything else by itself before throwing away the trash. “Thank you again Y/N for being there.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m just trying to do what I can to help.”
As you both finish in the kitchen, you feel like a ball of butterflies going back and forth with yourself on if you should say what’s been on your mind.
“Well, I’ll see you later then,” he states before kissing your temple and then moving to your lips.
“Um, actually Steve?,” you start, holding onto his hand and making him instinctively come closer.
“If you want, you can stay here tonight? It’s pretty late and I don’t want you traveling alone. I mean not that anyone would mess with you, because you’re you,” you nervously laugh. “But still. Plus I-I wouldn’t feel right with you being alone right now.”
Clear blue eyes seemingly peering into your soul, you clear your throat becoming fearful that maybe he thought you were overstepping.
“I-If it’s too early on though, I completely understand. Or if you want to be alone for a while that’s fine too.”
“No no, I uh really appreciate you looking out for me like that,” he answers with a small smile as he peers down at your intertwined hands. “It’s been a while since I had someone besides the Avengers doing that for me.”
“Well, I care about you and just want to make sure you’re good.” Eyes meeting yours, his smile widens before closing the remaining gap between the two of you. His larger, slightly calloused hand caresses your cheek as you let him gently tilt your head to gain better access to your waiting lips. Slow, but not painfully so, his lips moving with yours make you feel as if the perfect ray of sun has somehow managed to touch every single surface of your body instantly warming you.
As you both lied under your covers the rest of the night, his head resting on your chest and palm splayed against your back while you carefully raked your fingers through his hair, Steve never felt so safe. It seemed crazy to admit so early, but with every occasional peck you left on his forehead you felt more and more like home. The home he’d been missing since he woke up all those years ago in a different time among those of a completely new generation.
And you felt just as comfortable with your legs tangled in his while he securely held onto you, as if he didn’t want to let you go. Smiling to yourself hearing his soft snores, you can only hope that this feeling never leaves.
———
So far, the service was nice. It seemed as though the entire New York area was in attendance from the packed pews in the large church. If it wasn’t for Steve being a close friend, neither he, Sam, nor yourself probably would’ve been able to sit.
Although in the midst of a somber moment, you were holding everything together well until you watched him carry in her casket with the other pallbearers. The tears streaming down his red cheeks immediately triggered your own as if you could personally feel the ache in his heart as he said a final goodbye to his first love.
Your arm stays wrapped around his and his hand holding onto yours during the priest’s words of how courageous, adventurous, strong willed, and overall wonderful a woman Ms. Carter was. This makes a small smile appear on his face at their memories as he blinks away more tears.
“Next, with a few words of her own, we’ll hear from Ms. Sharon Carter,” the priest announces causing Steve to visibly stiffen along with Sam.
“You okay?,” you whisper leaning closer to his ear.
“Yea, everything’s fine.”
Judging from the look he and Sam gave each other before looking back towards the front of the church though, that wasn’t the case.
You intently listened to Sharon’s eulogy and the stories she told about the lessons she’d learned from her favorite aunt that helped her become who she was today, but you couldn’t help but notice the way she looked towards your pew. Specifically, at Steve.
Glancing your eyes up at him, you could see his had the same look leaving you with a heartache of your own.
Clearly there was history between the two, which left you wondering what that would mean for you. Sure they weren’t obviously sending flirty glances towards each other, but who knows what Steve was currently thinking.
What if this old flame brought back newfound feelings?
As the funeral ended and the pews began to empty one by one, the three of you are stopped by someone calling Steve’s name.
“Steve, hey,” Sharon smiles walking up to your small group.
“H-hey Sharon.” He momentarily leaves your side giving her a probably much needed hug. Watching her head fall on his shoulder as he comfortingly rubs up and down her back, that ache strengthens as your mind begins to race.
What if Sharon was who he was meant to be with? They both had military ties in some form and must’ve had a strong enough connection during their time. Surely he found more in common with her than you.
You hadn’t noticed you dropped your head looking down at your black heels until you felt a slight nudge from Sam giving you a reassuring wink.
“Sharon you remember Sam,” Steve speaks gesturing to the man beside you.
“Of course, hi.”
“Hey, I’m sorry for your loss,” he says also giving her a hug.
“And this is Y/N,” Steve introduces as you quickly try to get out of your head.
“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I wish it was under better circumstances.”
“No worries, it’s nice to meet you too. Your eulogy was really beautiful,” you softly smile.
“Thank you. I’m glad I was able to get through it holding everything together.”
“Peggy would’ve been proud,” Steve adds causing Sharon to shyly smile, tucking a few stray strands of her long, blonde hair behind her ear before meeting his eyes.
“Well I uh need to see if the plot at the graveyard is ready for her,” she explains taking turns looking at each of you. “Thank you all so much for coming to pay your respects.”
“Let me walk with you in case you need any help,” Steve suggests.
“Um sure, thanks.”
“Of course,” he replies before stepping towards you. “I’ll meet you back at your place okay?”
“Yea that’s fine.”
Sweetly kissing your cheek, you muster the best smile you can as he and Sharon walk side by side out of the church leaving you and Sam as the only people left.
“Welp, looks like we’ve been ditched,” he sighs.
“Yea guess we weren’t cool enough.”
“Psh more like too cool.” Holding his arm out for you to hook yours around, you laugh as you both walk out to the gloomy, cloud covered sky waiting outside.
By the time Steve returned to your apartment that evening, it was just before dark. He called on his way asking if you were hungry or needed him to get anything, to which you answered a simple “no” still trying to sound okay.
As if you hadn’t been wondering since you walked through your door where yours and Steve’s relationship now stood with his interaction with Sharon earlier.
While you felt you were convincing, it wasn’t enough for the super soldier whose enhanced hearing seemed to pick up on the slight wavering in your voice from your recently released tears. You didn’t want to cry and tried everything to stop them from happening, but at the thought of Steve leaving you couldn’t help it. You really liked him and wanted you guys to last as long as you could.
A faint soapy smell wafts from the bathroom as he opens the door, now dressed in his white tank and dark grey sweatpants. Hair still wet, he rubs his towel over his short blonde locs gazing at you peering down at your hands as you play with the seam of the white comforter across you. The soft smile on his face quickly turns to concern though meeting your eyes that didn’t seem as bright anymore.
“You okay?”
“Yea. How about you? How are you feeling after everything?”
“I’m fine, but I’m more concerned with you right now,” he answers neatly folding the towel before moving to your side of the bed and sitting next to your legs. Right hand finding your covered leg while his left reaches out to glide his thumb against your cheek, his sympathetic smile nearly causes more unwanted tears to show.
“You know you can talk to me.”
There’s a brief pause as you sigh trying to find your words and exactly how you wanted to say them.
“Is that why you didn’t want me to come with you?,” you finally ask earning a confused head tilt from Steve. “Because she would be there?”
“What? No of course not, I didn’t even know she was going nor that they were related. And I never said I didn’t want you to go, I said you didn’t have to and didn’t want you to feel obligated since you didn’t know Peggy.”
“I never would’ve felt like that. She was your friend, plus I went to support you.” There you were again, always finding some way to warm his heart when he felt at his lowest. “Everything was okay with the plot?”
“Yea, she’s next to her husband with a few of the flowers from the funeral near her headstone. After I helped her with that, I made sure Sharon got in her place okay and we sat and talked for a while.”
He didn’t have to tell you everything that happened, but you appreciated him being so open with you.
“From the glances between you two during her speech, I um assume you guys dated?,” you carefully ask watching him nod.
“Briefly, yes.”
“And seeing her probably brought back memories....” Scooting closer taking your cold hands in his, he bends down kissing your knuckles before turning them over to show the same attention to your wrists.
“It did, but it’s not making me forget about those that I’ve made recently,” he smiles. “Is that why you’re upset? That I left with her?”
“No I-I...ugh it’s dumb honestly.”
“I doubt it is. Tell me.”
Sinking down nearly hiding your whole body under the sheets, your groan nearly makes him laugh as your eyes and top of your head peek out from the covers.
“I’m not upset you left with her, I just..started thinking that maybe what you had with her would make you want to go back. Which I would completely understand, I mean I’m sure you guys have a lot in common, plus bottom line it’s your choice-,”
“Y/N,” he interrupts pulling the cover down to see your nervous face. “Yea Sharon and I have things in common and had a good time together, but in the end it didn’t work. Nothing against her, but going back is the last thing on my mind. Especially since something new has taken up most of its space.”
“The Avengers,” you answer making him chuckle.
“Not exactly.”
Leaning down, his lips approaching yours tell you what, or better yet who, he was actually referring to. His minty flavored lips molding with yours as your hand finds the back of his neck, his hand on your hip moving you over to make room for his larger body causes you to giggle momentarily breaking your moment.
“Um you’re on my side of the bed..,” you smirk.
“Like you really care,” he smirks back playfully nuzzling his nose into your cheek. “As many times as you’ve wandered over to my side.”
Meeting his lips one last time, you both settle in your usual positions with his face lying in the crook of your neck as you raked through his hair with legs tangled together. Although Steve would surely be sound asleep at any moment from the gradual slowing of his finger mindlessly drawing near your shoulder blade, you didn’t know if you’d be able to having his words replaying in your mind.
“I’m really always on your mind?,” you whisper, more so speaking out loud in disbelief than expecting an answer.
“All day and night,” Steve groggily answers with sleep already set in his voice before he pecks along your collarbone.
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