#steyned mind

[kimi-no-kaori]

Nothing I ever do is ever relevant. Everytime I make an impact its always overshadowed by people who do whatever I did better. The reason I never try in anything anymore is that everytime I have tried I never get the slightest bit of recognition even if it was a great accomplishment. Not a sliver. So why try if everytime you do, no one notices. Thats really all I want in life is to be recognized and awarded for my efforts. Something that has pretty much never happened. Makes it worse that I have no father figure to motivate me. No one to desire to grow up to be like. No one to look up to. Until this begins to happen I don't think I will ever be actually happy. I am pretty good at hiding my emotions when I want to and I have been for a while. I'm so unmotivated to achieve anything that I don't even want to continue trying to convey my point. I fucking hate this existence. I'm glad I have my tethers or this post wouldn't exist. A lot of the stuff I have done (nothing relevant) wouldnt exist.

[kimi-no-kaori]

why do emotions exist like dokis suck. at least when the person whose smile makes you melt will never feel the same way about you that you feel about them. and to make it worse other people were talking about their dokis that like weren't unrequited and it just makes me want to die.

I

FUCKING

HATE

EMOTIONS

[kimi-no-kaori]

i really hate when people ship things because "its yaoi." like the whole premise of me hating johndave as much as i do is because it is a bunch of fangirls that are like "omfg these guys are two of the main characters obviously they are homo" im not saying that john and dave are strictly heterosexual, but there is no premise behind the relationship. like, they are canonically stated to be "best bros" and john is in fact "not a homosexual" (real canon phrases ladies and gents). and as for people that say that gay relationships are more meaningful than lesbian (which i have seen here a few times) the entire reason guys like images of lesbian women is "oh hey, there is 2 vaginas and 4 titties cool" and in all reality the only reason i think girls ship yaoi stuff is "oh hey its 2 guys that means 2 dicks ahahahaha" i really dont mind yaoi stuff, like i watched Boku no Pico and that was beautiful and i love it but seriously clam your tits people. and if two people are canonically homosexual/bisexual/pan or w/e, then it makes sense, there can be a premise behind the relationship

you cant ship shit just because you think that those two people would be hot fucking each other (yells at johndave fandom). well i mean you can, but it shouldnt be an OTP (yells at johndave OTP fandom) i mean when you ship people flushed, you are literally saying you like the idea of these two people being in love and that they have aspects of self which allow a healthy relationship.

but seriously though, i was talking to someone at portlandstuck about random ships and they had eggs with the symbols of the characters and arranged them by pairing, and when it got to nepeta and equius, she stated "i ship them as moirails, but for anything else it would have to be male!nep and normal equius because yaoi" and i honestly wanted to smack this girl.

so yeah. if you ship things because it is yaoi, you are really ignorant and have a very irrational thought process. just saying.