when it comes to you, baby no, there are no, there are no words
1. No Words - The Script
But what can I say, about something that blows me away
without it soundin' like another cliché?
From what I've seen and I've heard,
when it comes to you, baby no, there are no, there are no words
There are no words, yeah I swear this much is true,
there ain't a word in this world that describes you
2. Right Thru Me - Nicki Minaj
Know when I'm lying, know when I'm crying
It's like you got it, down to a science, why am I trying,
Know you ain't buying, I try to fight it, back with defiance,
you make me laugh, you make me hoarse from yelling at you,
and getting at you, picking up dishes, throwing em at you,
why are you speaking when no one asked you.
3. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
4. Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
5. Gunnin' - Hedley
Tell me what I'll never be
Make me feel broken
Tell me what I should believe
I didn't know it was broken
And I'm gunnin' for you
6. Find A Way - Safetysuit
You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me
You know I'm gonna find a time to catch your hand and make you stay
7. Never Think - Robert Pattinson
I'll try to decide when
She'll lie in the end
I ain't got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Tell you to hold off
You choose to hold on
It's the one thing that I've known
8. Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night
9. And if My Heart Should Somehow Stop - James Vincent McMorrow
And there are times I know when I will have to chase you
And the further from my side you go, the longing grows
And I will hate it, I still want you,
Cause I will hate it, but I still want you around
10. Pieces - Sum 41
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
11. Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths
Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Alexis looked out to the crowd with the thoughtsWhat am I doing? What am I doing here? running through her head. She really didn't know why she even agreed to speak. Maybe his parents and everyone figured she knew him best.Did she know him best? She guess she did, but their was still a lot she knew she didn't know and now he was gone. So it's not like she could ask him why, he didn't leave a note. He didn't explain. It was like one day he was with her and he was happy and then the next he was gone.
Of course she went through her selfish stage and figured it was all her fault, like she could've prevented it. Summer was the last one to see him before he went to bed that night and never woke up. fifteen years old and already being prepared to go six feet under. Now Alexis was expected have some inspiring speech on how amazing he was or how much she loved him. The thing is she was never good with words. Never was. She wasn't even nice to him, and it was like sometimes the more she pushed, the more he pulled and then eventually she'd pull back. They never stayed on happy terms though, she always ruined it. She always had to undercut him.
Alexis looked out to everyone in the crowd and looked back down at the paper she spent hours preparing, but none of it seemed like her. She would never say any of this. She ripped it in half and shook her head. She was ready to just walk off without saying a word. Yeah it would've been disrespectful but if Stiles was out there somewhere looking after her, she knew he would understand. "Love is not for the faint of heart," the words just escaped her lips not even knowing where it came from. Alexis bit her lip and continued speaking more clearly this time. "Love isn't for the faint of heart. I told him that a couple of times and yet he still argued with me about that. I- I had- have the weaker heart and yet somehow he's gone. I always believed that despite all the jokes and his sarcasm that he really did care about helping people... He-
Alexis stopped talking for a moment and closed her eyes tightly trying not to cry. Yeah they cry at funerals but she was stronger than this. "I'm sorry, but- he knew me. I would never tell him that. I would never admit to it. Even when he got something right I would make him admit to being wrong. I don't know if I ever made him happy. I don't know if out of the life he lived that he could honestly say that he loved me as much as I love him. Because I do. I do love him- more than anything. I just- I really hope he knows that," she said and took a step back from the alter.
There are days, moments, seconds of your life that you never forget. Ever. For Alexis, the most important moment in her life happened when she locked eyes on Stiles. She was only fourteen years old and somehow already felt tethered to someone. It was the third week of school and she was heading over to her locker. That's when she saw it, them. Pushing him against his locker, Alexis raced over to the area.
"Hey! Back off!" Alexis snapped and then stepped on one of the jock's foot. They let Stiles go and quickly left the hallway. Stiles was sitting against the lockers not making eye contact with Alexis. Probably feeling embarrassed she figured.
"Hey... at least they didn't get your face," she said with a half smile. Stiles' golden brown eyes went up and meeting her blue ones, and then just like that it was decided. Alexis wasn't going to let anything happen to him as long as she was around.
Stiles slowly started to take notice of Alexis constant being around wherever he was, at first he didn't really mind it until he finally figured out she was doing it to protect him. He waited for her by their lockers.
"Stop it," he said simply with arms crossed but lacking a lot of confidence.
"Stop it?" Alexis asked looking at him and smiled a bit.
"Stop doing what you're doing?" Stiles said.
"What are you doing tonight?" Alexis asked completely ignoring his request.
"Uhm- What?" Stiles asked confused.
"Social Network just came out, let's go see it," Alexis said with shrug. Stiles looked at her and just nodded not really knowing why but just agreed with it. "Sweet my dad will pick you at 7."
The date went along pretty a-typical. She paid for the movie and the pizza after, figuring she was the one that forced him out with her. She walked him to his door and they just stood there for a moment just looking at each other. "Thanks, I guess," she said breaking the silence. "For coming out."
"Yeah, yeah no problem," Stiles responded just rocking on the heels of his feet not knowing what else to say or do. Alexis smiled and got on her tippy toes and kissed him. Just like that as if it was a normal thing to do. She smiled at him once again when the kiss broke and headed back over to her dad. After that night, Stiles never questioned her about the important stuff. He never asked her to stop protecting him either. After that night they became tethered to each other.
Alexis paced around her room trying to figure out how she was going to explain any of this to Stiles.Hey let's go eat, also. Funny story. I have heart condition. No... This was serious. It was curable, yeah. But this was something she had to live with until she decided whether or not she wanted the transplant. Which for now, it was no. She knew it must've sounded really dumb but she just didn't see the point in it when she can keep her heart stabilized without drastic measures.
She heard a knock on her bedroom door and she turned around and saw him in the doorway. She smiled softly at him and then looked down at the floor.
"What's wrong?" He asked her entering the room now approaching Alexis.
"It's- well it's not nothing, I just have to tell you something," she said still looking down at the floor. Stiles cupped her cheeks and gently lifted her head up to look at him. "Tell me."
Alexis sighed a bit but nodded. "I- uhm.. I think you should sit down."
Stiles frowned for a second but let her go and sat on her bed just following her orders.
"Stiles... I- I uhm... I have HCM," she said. Just trying to let it all out there.
"HCM... Is that like a disease?"
"Yes... A heart disease..." Alexis said turning away from him now not wanting to see his face. "Well condition really."
"... But you're going to be okay right?"
Alexis turned around again and bit her lip not knowing how to answer that question. "Fuck..." Stiles mumbled out not being able to think of anything else to say.
Alexis walked over to him and played with the top of his head for a bit.
"I can't... I just can't..." Stiles whispered looking down at his lap.
"You can't what?"
"I just can't lose you," he said said looking up at her. Alexis bent down and pecked his lip. "I'm not going anywhere."
Stiles rushed into the hospital and went to the help desk. "Alexis Styles, what room?" He asked the nurse. He saw the nurse hesitate a bit and he frowned. "I need the room, now. Please?"
"203," she said not wanting to agitate Stiles at all. Stiles ran to the staircase and went up the steps and went to her room but her dad stopped him from entering. "She's asleep now, she needs her rest," her father said blocking Stiles' path.
"I just need to see her. Please just- I need to see her," Stiles said looking him in the eyes hoping to somehow communicate wordlessly how much he needed to make sure she was okay. He had to. He wouldn't be able to sleep or do anything if he wasn't assured that she was alright. He didn't even know her heart condition was getting worse. Stiles was even lucky that Lexis' mother called him.
"Please?" Stiles repeated and finally the man moved allowing him in but not without warning Stiles that he had 3 minutes. Once in the room Stiles looked at her, just laying there with wires connecting her to a machine and the beeping noises. He couldn't take it. He felt this urge of protectiveness wave over him. He wanted to make her better. He wanted to hear her say something sarcastic or fight him. Anything really but have her just-- laying there.
Stiles approached the bed slowly and sat down on the bedside table, he took her hand stroked it with his thumb. "Hey- uhm. Alexis... You know I don't ask you for many things- Hell. I don't ask you for anything. So I guess- I'm cashing in now asking you- even begging you- to please just wake up."
"Or- Just give me a sign or something that you can hear me and that you're okay?" Stiles said in a soft tone still stroking her hand. "Just squeeze my hand or something if you can hear me? ... That shit only works in movies I don't even know what I'm doing... I just- I guess I need you. I need you here. Alive. When you just left everything was shit and I was waiting for you to come back. Always waiting. I don't want to have to wait again..."
Stiles was going to say something else, but then he felt it. It wasn't much but her hand moved and that was enough for him. "Thanks," he said with a half-smile and decided he'd better get up before he dad came in. Although he wasn't going to go far away. As soon as he let go of her hand and got the beeping noises dropped and she flatlined. Stiles froze just standing there as nurses and doctors rushed into the room. He went numb as he was being pulled out of the room and watching the doctors try to revive. He just stood there watching as everything went into slow motion for him and all he could think was: I can't lose her.
