May 26, 2017
May 25th
Tonight, I cried over you. It’s been over a year and for me, it’s still you.
It will always be you.
seen from Russia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Germany
May 25th
Tonight, I cried over you. It’s been over a year and for me, it’s still you.
It will always be you.
February 25th
Last night I read on here all the entires I had written about Paul. So many feelings came flooding back. I’ve dated a lot in the past year, I really haven’t been single at all. But he’s the person who made me feel the most things, whether they were good or bad. I’m trying to figure that out, if that’s a good sign or a bad sign to feel so much about someone. The other guys I didn’t cry over, I didn’t feel as hurt about when it ended, and I don’t miss so badly. But I also know that Paul wasn’t good for me. Was it just bad timing or not the right match? I guess I’ll never know.
Nov. 2nd
I re-added him. Sue me.
November 2nd
So he didn’t look at my snapchat story last night of course, when it was all pretty. So I thought he deleted me. But of course he looked at the one tonight I didn’t think he’d see. And my heart pounded and I got a pit in my stomach. I’ll add him back tonight if he looks at the next one.
10/31
The idea of re-adding him settles me and I don’t know why. I think I’m stronger. In fact, I know I’m stronger. I now have a steady job I love that consumes most/all of my time, I have a second job that also keeps me busy, friends who make me smile, I’ll be moving soon so even if this turns out badly or not the way I hoped I won’t be across the street from him for more than 2 months. I feel like he didn’t get the best parts of me and I’d like to know what our friendship is like now that I’m not so... bad and down. And while I don’t necessarily think he deserves the best of me, I’d liked to think he has changed and matured since May, too. Only time will tell.
September 14th
My gut tells me I won't hear from him after he reads the letter. But I don't regret sending it. And I meant every word.
I did it. I sent the letter. I took a month and a half to write and re write and re write it until it was exactly what I wanted it to be: slightly funny, slightly emotional, slightly light hearted, incredibly honest. It sat on my bedside since early August and now it sits in the mailbox to be delivered to him. I know that I loved him. I know that I never wanted it to end. I know that I clicked with him more than anyone else. I know there is no chance of us getting back together. I know that I have come a long way. I know I feel better having put it all out there. I know I can sleep tonight knowing my heart was poured into that letter for him to read. I know I'll be okay.
September 9th
I wrote him a letter on my laptop as therapy about a month ago. I’ve sat down to “edit” it a few times since then. I just wrote it out with pen and paper to actually send to him. I took out all the juicy, emotional stuff and mostly left it at “I’m thinking of you, I hope you're doing well, I don’t know why we ended, but you are so important to me. And I am thankful to have met you.” But in 3 pages of length. And a page of that being our inside jokes. I sealed it in the envelope, wrote his address, and put on the stamp. Now I just have to decide when to send it.
I still cry over him. I still miss him. I still wish we were together. After all of that. I still wish. I wish. I wish.