Jan 26, 2022
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I am loved by people and that's kinda incredible? Idk y'all I'm just so lucky to be surrounded by folks who care and I love them back and just. Thanks. (Thank you for being here/thank you for loving me/kill, kill, kill/kill the turkey)
just some good things
1) today was Mike’s birthday so I bought a half-cake and we had a small party and it was Nice and I was surrounded by nice people and I just :)
2) I went to take a nap (bc today is my FOREVER day where I’m on campus early but don’t have class until 5pm) and apparently Mike took a snapchat of me sleeping and sent it to st8 bro, because “I thought he’d like to know” (or: literally everyone knows that str8 bro is my Dad)
3) str8 bro drove me home again tonight and our conversation had the following path: swinging, tinder, are handjobs gay, are circle jerks gay, locker rooms are weirdly sexually charged homosocial spaces, masculinity is Wild. all of with str8 bro trying his damndest to not be overtly homophobic (but still being vaguely homophobic bc he’s a str8 dude) and it was just like. :) :) :)
I love my people, basically, and I’m so grateful for them and also you all, because you are also my people and I love you a lot
today str8 bro, his friend and I were all studying and somehow the subject of tumblr came up and str8 bro was like “yeah aren’t there like all the people who think the two Asian guys from the new Star Wars are gay?”
and I was like “they are” so fast it was honesty embarrassing
fuckin str8 bro (who may also be referred to from now on as "go," as he wants me to go take a semester off to fix my stupid brain) drove me home tonight and gave me like a 15 minute lecture about how I should drop a class But this time he was like "you should use it to focus on writing because you're gonna do groundbreaking shit" and then was like "you better fuckin' cite me in the future as saying like you could do this!" like shut up you idiot And he cares and so many ppl care and I'm just like. Simultaneously grateful and exhausted.
Texts I apparently sent str8 bro this morning at 5 am
"lookin for a pizza cutter big enough to cut my way out of here askin around lmk k bye" and then "my skin is choking me"
the funniest thing in the world to me is when I’m talking to str8 bro and he decides I’ve crossed the line of what is Healthy and Acceptable in speaking to him
like we were talking about the shit that happened yesterday, and how there’s nothing he can do to help me except listen, and I was like “or you could just remove my brain for me!”
his response literally was like “Your brain is needed. As is the rest of you. So can’t do that.”
like thanks DAD it was a joke. what kinda edgelord do you take me for.
although yes please free me from my flesh prison, corporeality is overrated, but he can’t say no to that bc of dysphoria which is something we Don’t Talk About