#strangesparrow

[strangesparrow]

wordless

Wounded, I feel, wordlessly

you impose upon me

snaking up and between my legs like these

cheap sheets and

I apologized again-my soul embarrasses me

I wish I could be less of everything

and more of whatever you feel easy

so we lie in quiet again

I hold you against my chest

there's no vocabulary in my head for all this

regret-today all my words failed me

You are mine, the way I love you

and you're not, the way you love me

[strangesparrow]

This is not a warning this is a promise That I will take the dumb shit you've done to me to my grave Do you think I want people knowing? No sir, not if I can avoid it Because I'm tired of codependency, restraining orders, trying to keep the peace cradling fragile fucking egos in the back of my throat I'm tired of fielding comments like "Damn, you drove him crazy." Because I didn't and I resent the implication that grown men lose the ability to control themselves around me Don't you ever get tired of pretending you can't help it or at least, you didn't mean to hurt me when you know I know I know your kind I was born a chip off this same block Generations of lies and secrets and no business in existence, and yet here we are Here I am, pale skin, grey eyes a mistake in my mouth mistakes in my DNA This is not a warning this is a promise that nothing inside of me is scared or sacred

[strangesparrow]

If I remember correctly the way that it felt to be really filled and to feel skin on skin on skin on soft sheets, come be soft with me I meant to beg but I'm forgetting I hope you never forget me curls of white smoke wrap my tongue inside my cotton mouth like kissing I think strangesparrow



[strangesparrow]

Heartmeat//strangesparrow

[strangesparrow]

the strict master, anxiety, overcomes my tongue not quite as kind as quiet breast or the sweetest heart ever caught in claw-mired phobia my ever present prescience and nestling unrest in my digits my "forget" fidget suckling idly, solitary a walking syndrome regret always following me to my knees let me leave you, please athirst, earnestly honest and probably a difficult patient ama: lapping at disease I haven't quite worked my way to goodbye

-strangesparrow

[strangesparrow]

I covet the grueling inevitability of your flesh on my flesh I will not be distracted or ashamed for wanting my own skin stung or afraid of trusting my own choked tears knees torn and my breath run ragged when you at last are the hitch in my lungs my last breath now taste oblivion, there's nothing left

-strangesparrow

[strangesparrow]

This is my favorite part of sin-

this place past acquiescence,

deep into conspiracy

Your fettered spy

third-eyes the universe

and it collapses in your grasp

in a pitch-perfect gasp

Just like the sky tonight,

this thing we do is magic

and it's always been magic,

the way I can still feel

your teeth on the back of my neck

I can still smell you

and oh, I want us to come together:

close enough to ruin us both

This thing we do is bigger than us

-strangesparrow

[strangesparrow]

I will break your heart  and make it look like an accident at least, that's the way I felt  when I woke up alone again I slept hot like a fever, despair swathed across me- an itchy blanket that I can never quite soften I figure she was an easy target but I can't swallow that down past the lump in my throat that says, "Honey, no one's an easier target than you." Indeed. That's probably true. I think of checking my phone,  weigh the possibilities: you saying you're still in love with me or you saying nothing- both, equally degrading I think you think I'm into it, the way you want to own me but you'll never actually take me home I've started sleeping in pants again, which makes me sad, but a bitch gets cold

-strangesparrow