A(nother) Personal Challenge
Write something silly and fluffy where the protagonist gets hit by a car.
Here goes @itskabe
Valen Korik wandered through the hallways, drink in hand, his heavy Mandalorian boots leaving brief tread impressions in the short pile carpet. Soothing instrumental music played over the public address system at the perfect unobjectionable volume. Inoffensive landscapes depicting the Empire and its colonies hung on the walls. Korik sighed and sipped his drink. Good, solid Mandalorian rum. The one interesting thing in this otherwise boring place.
He passed a set of heavy carved double doors. Beside them was a placard inscribed with elegant aurebesh script.
Dark Temple Sith
Korik stopped his restless walking. Some of his clan hung out here. He heard Kregg was spending time with this group, too. He checked his chrono. He still had some time left to kill. In a moment of recklessness, he pushed open the doors and stepped in.
Dark-robed Sith filled the room, chatting in small clusters around the perimeter. A few danced in the center while cheery music played over loudspeakers. Great crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, their light as inoffensively bright as everywhere else. Korik scanned the crowd. He realized they weren’t all Sith. There were a sizable number of Imperial personnel milling about as well. A contingent of researchers and slaves took up residence near the buffet. He glanced at his drink. Maybe this party had better food.
Korik made it about halfway to the buffet before someone recognized him. An apprentice stepped away from his companions, "Valen Korik? Valen Korik! Wow!" Korik barely had time to switch his drink to his left hand before the Sith seized his right and pumped it in an enthusiastic greeting. "I'm so excited to finally meet you! We almost never get Names down here. Hey!" He called, "Hey! Valen Korik's here!"
Valen Korik freed his hand, "It's nothing. I was just walking by-''
"Nothing? Nothing?" the apprentice repeated, "Look at you! You have a unique model, a gold-and-white star, a Name! Look at me! Who am I?"
Flushing at the attention, Valen Korik read the nameplate floating above the Sith’s head, "Deranged Sith Apprentice," he said.
"-And you're Valen Korik. From the heroic area," Deranged Sith Apprentice said.
A Corrupted Sith Apprentice approached and offered her hand, "Huge fan of your work, Mister Korik. My spawn point-" she winked out of existence, leaving Korik with his hand extended toward nothing.
"Did she just..?" Valen Korik asked, turning back to Deranged Sith Apprentice.
"Spawn?" he completed, "Yeah. You'll have to get used to that around here. Don't take it personally. Most of us are on dynamic spawn timers so you never know when you’ll be pulled back into the game,” he took a long gulp of his drink, a green can labeled Power! in jagged script, “My maximum is ten minutes. Honestly? I don’t even bother checking-” he disappeared.
Another Deranged Sith Apprentice took his place in the growing throng, wearing the same face and catching the other’s drink without missing a beat, “Sorry. So you’re Valen Korik?”
“Uh,” Korik read the overlapping nameplates. Deranged Sith Apprentices, Corrupted Sith Apprentices, Insane Imperial Troopers, Possessed Troopers, a few Possessed Slaves and Hallucinating Researchers in the mix. So many sharing the same appearance. His clan had only two models, but there weren’t more than a dozen of them in total. Even as he watched, individuals vanished without warning and others reappeared just as quickly. The Long-Spawn Timer lounge didn’t look anything like this. “Valen Korik, yes. That’s me. It’s really not a big deal--”
A Corrupted Sith Apprentice reappeared in the space where the first one had been. He was male now, coughing and wheezing, his robes burned and torn. A nearby Hallucinating Researcher offered him a red can of Health! which he drank eagerly. His appearance improved and he extended a hand toward Korik, “--spawn point is by the pillar just across from your area.”
“Excuse me?” Valen Korik asked, genuinely confused.
“Sorry,” Corrupted Sith Apprentice said, brushing the last of the burns from his robe, “I go through a randomizer before spawn. There’s one other appearance option,” he said, pointing at another male Corrupted Sith Apprentice, this one taller and pale with a scrubby beard, “I never know which one I’ll get.”
“Oh,” Korik said. Very different from his lounge. “What was that about a pillar?”
Corrupted Sith Apprentice coughed again, “Right across from your heroic area. Been watching avatars go in since the beginning. Big admirer of your work. Avatars group by fours for you now, don’t they? Must be great to dish out the damage.”
“Uh, yeah,” Korik agreed. He scanned the sea of nameplates but still didn’t see Kregg.
Deranged Sith Apprentice blinked back and staggered into Korik, “Health!” he wheezed, accepting a can from one of his clones. Blood and green poison puddled around his feet, evaporating in the ballroom air. After draining the can he took another. “Ugh. Agents are the worst,” he said. Heads nodded in the crowd, acknowledging the statement. “I hate shaking off damage-over-time poisons. A few of those in a row ruin a good day.”
Korik helped him stand, “Are you alright?” he asked.
Deranged Sith Apprentice clapped Korik’s shoulder, “I’m fine. Thanks for asking, you with a name and all.”
“You’re the same,” Korik said, a question as much as a statement.
“Ah, Corrupted Sith Apprentice must be back,” Deranged Sith Apprentice said, “My model doesn’t randomize. I’m not important enough. We’re all the same,” he said, waving his Health! can at the crowd, “Just another face in the crowd!”
The Deranged Sith Apprentices all groaned at the joke. It must be an old one. Korik checked his chrono again. Still plenty of time. “I was kind of hoping I’d see Kregg here,” he said.
Deranged Sith Apprentice’s grin locked up, “Oh. Yeah, he’s here all right. Not sure you’d want to talk to him, though.”
“Why? We used to talk all the time,” Korik said, “I’m sure he’ll remember me.”
“Well, sure, you’re an Name,” Deranged Sith Apprentice said, “But Kregg...I mean, you know how I said I don’t bother watching the time anymore? Or started to tell you, anyhow,” he said.
“Yes,” Korik agreed.
“Yeah. So, you get used to having conversations in bits, you know? You spawn in the middle of a sentence, come back in the middle. No worries. We’re all like that. You get some downtime even when your area is busy,” Deranged Sith Apprentice began, leading Korik through the wall of troopers and apprentices, “Kregg isn’t on a regular timer.”
Korik nodded, “I know. Avatars have to call him.”
“Right, right,” Deranged Sith Apprentice said. “Don’t get me started on avatars. Anyway, he’s not on a regular timer. He can be called in as soon as the summoner is active. That’s, like, fifteen seconds or something.”
Korik nodded again, “Well, yes, but avatar groups can only activate that once. He’s surrounded by his clan and they’re all like you. Timed spawn.”
Deranged Sith Apprentice nodded again, “True, true.”
“And only once per day at that,” Korik continued.
“That was before,” Deranged Sith Apprentice said. He pointed to an armored Mandalorian warrior seated behind a jumbled pile of empty Health! and Power! cans. Shaky hands reached for Health! when he disappeared. He reappeared almost immediately, armor smoking and sparking, continuing his desperate grab. He dumped the contents down his throat and winked out of existence again. The half-empty can clattered to the floor, dislodging a slide of its mates on the way. The warrior appeared before the avalanche stopped. His nameplate, visible in the few seconds he remained before vanishing, read “Kregg.” Deranged Sith Apprentice grimaced, “This is now.”
“Oh no,” Koric said. He took a few steps toward Kregg, “Kregg? Kregg? It’s Korik, remember me?”
Kregg raised blootshot eyes to the newcomer, “Korik? Is that you?” he asked, beginning to rise from his seat. “ What are--” He vanished and empty cans filled the space he left behind, only to be pushed out of the way when he came back a few seconds later. He grabbed a random can and downed it with a belch, “--you doing here?”
Korik rushed up and gripped the shaky warrior’s arms, “I was worr-” his hands closed on nothing. Korik straightened. Kregg was back in place almost immediately, “I was worried about you.” Korik concluded. Deranged Sith Apprentice stood to one side, watching.
“Binf shird. You were bored,” Kregg said between gulps. He frowned, “Krind all, I can’t--” another pause in his speech, “--even curse. Stupid pinking Teen rated game.”
Korik couldn’t help but smile, “You know me.”
Kregg tossed an empty on the pile, “Yeah, I know--” he blinked out and back, his armor slashed and melted as though by lightsaber, “you,” he concluded. Bleary eyes took in his friend, “Oh stars. Is that--is that Mandalorian rum?” he asked.
Korik nodded, handing over the tumbler as soon as Kregg materialized again. He took it and swallowed the remaining drink in one gulp, “Oh, that’s good. I miss Mandalorian rum.” The tumbler dropped, disappearing into the mess.
“He wandered in a few months back,” Deranged Sith Apprentice filled in while Kregg spawned, “Poor guy.”
Kregg returned, “Forg all, did I lose any?” he asked, grabbing a random can and downing it while his armor repaired itself.
“No, no, that was all,” Korik assured him.
Kregg threw the empty can against the wall, “These energy drinks ss--” “--uck,” he concluded. A crooked smile crossed his face, “Thanks. Can’t remember the last time I had something else.”
“Any time,” Korik said. He glanced at his chrono quick while Kregg was gone. Still good. When Kregg returned he continued, “So what happened to you? We used to hang out together in the long-spawn lounge all the time.”
“Pinking game updates, that’s what!” Kregg hollered between spawns, “think they could make new stuff for avatars to do? No. They just re-used old stuff. Old quests. Old content. I’m a fliffik level twelve champion. I’m not supposed to have level sixties killing me, for bink’s sake! Where’s the glarging challenge in that?!”
Korik winced, “Avatars are leveled down to the planet, though.”
Kregg belched again, “Like that makes any bargling difference. For flieg’s sake I spawn on a pile of my own corpses!” he yelled, “I can see them! There on the ground! Binf big pile of ‘em. The last avatars to kill me aren’t even out of the area! Can’t even figure out which avatars I hate more,” Kregg sunk back to his seat, can in hand, while the electrical systems in his armor realigned after his most recent spawn, “There’s a dilly long queue of ‘em. All waiting to touch the thing. Half the time they join in and then hang out for another couple shots at me.” A can of Health! slipped from his trembling hands, “Why do they hate me, Korik?” he whimpered, “I’m not that bad a guy, am I?”
Korik put a hand on Kregg’s shoulder for the short time he was there, “No. You’re not a bad guy, Kregg.”
Kregg slurped at Power!, “I--I can’t take it, Korik. The only time I’m not getting killed is during maintenance and they don’t even do that every week anymore.”
Korik surreptitiously checked his chrono. Almost time. He leaned in to whisper to his fellow Mandalorian, “They made me a daily, too.”
Kregg shook off more green poison and lightsaber burns, “Kept your spawn timer the same, though.”
Korik shrugged, “Avatars camp my spawn point in groups twice as big as they’re supposed to.”
“Pingin avatars,” Kregg shouted. He sprang to his feet, “That’s it! I’m spawning naked! Bargle avatars! It don’t matter what I wear! They kill me anyway!” He tossed his gauntlets aside, “Let ‘em watch me rocket in in nothing but a jetpack and a jockstrap!”
Deranged Sith Apprentice shrank back, “Aww, Kregg, come on. You know you can’t strip beyond underwear.”
“Tink ‘em I don’t give a flick,” Kregg shouted, unbuckling his chestpiece, “Let’s see ‘em loot my junk now! You hear me?”
Korik’s alarm pinged and he stood, “Sorry, Kregg, I have to go.”
Kregg’s eyes went wide, “No! No! Not you too, Korik!” he begged, his armor hanging open, “Give ‘em hell! Kill one for me!” he yelled.
Korik clapped the other Mandalorian’s bare arm, “Don’t worry.” He faded from view.
Kregg vanished and reappeared again, coughing and wheezing from smoke. “Korik was a good man.” he said. He loosened his belt, succeeding in removing it before he spawned again. “He’ll give those avatars something to think about.”
There was a poof and Valen Korik rematerialized, his armor blackened and crushed. He staggered forward and collapsed in the pile of cans. “Gaahh...” he wheezed.
“Help him!” Kregg ordered, down to nothing but his greaves and boots.
Deranged Sith Apprentice helped him up to a seated position and handed him a fresh can of Health! “Drink this, Korik. I’m spawning soon.” He blinked out.
“What did they hit you with, Kor--?” Kregg asked. “What did they hit you with?” he repeated after reappearing.
Korik downed the contents of the can and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, “I remember something round. A cannon, maybe. Bright flash, slam, then boom! I'm back here. I think it was a siege engine," Korik said. He took another drink of Health! and rubbed his chest. It still hurt where the bones knitted.
Deranged Sith Apprentice blinked back in, robes smoking, "Those avatars were insane. I think they had a tank."
Kregg stripped off the last of his armor. "I hate avatars," he said, and disappeared.