It was a point in my life I was scared to reveal things that were done to me & things that had affected me but I'm no longer ashamed or embarrassed by it because it has only made me stronger. At the age of 9 I was touched in a way a 13 year old shouldn't touch a 9 year old. Scared & confused on why it happened to me & to young to understand why a 13 year old would think it was okay to touch me the way he did. So scared on what he could possibly do to me next I kept quiet but it traumatized me for the rest of my life. I haven't been comfortable around a male alone ever since. How does a 9 year old walk around caring this weight on her shoulder feeling like she can't tell no one what this boy did to her. What makes matters even worst is 6 months later I wake up the morning of my step grandfathers memorial & thank god that my grandfather is still alive just to go home later on that night to find out my grandfather, the only male protector I had around, had passed away early that morning due to lung cancer. My bestfriend who I had just spent time with three days before, gone. No good bye, no I love you, no nothing. It hurts to feel like you jinxed the death of the most important man in your life. Guess your wondering where my father was, that's another battle. A battle of my dad choosing his new family he created with his significant other over his daughter but that became something I brushed off and moved on from, forgave but never forgot. I've had to take in at the age of 15 one of the hardest relationships of my life, a relationship that tore apart the great relationship I had with my mother. To have given this 17 year old going on 18 boy my heart body and trust at a young age destroyed me but also made me stronger in so many ways. I was lied to multiple times, cheated on, & deceived. The situations that occurred in that relationship showed me what not to expect out of a man, so the older I became the smarter I got when it came to picking my relationships wisely. A pretty face didn't always make it easy on me in fact it made things worst, unwanted attention from perverted men, males engaging in conversation to eventually expect to receive sex. But I've always held the words "god doesn't put you through anything you can't handle", "what doesn't kill you makes you strong", "always have faith" to heart. Because of the things I've been through I am a strong young woman, who doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for me after reading the things I've been through but to know that you are not alone. Never feel afraid to talk to anyone about any type of situation you feel is harmful and scary. I am strong enough to love my life today forgive those who have hurt me in every kind of way & move on to better my self. I always remain with a smile on my face and the bubbly personality I have because what has happened in my past won't affect my present or future.
