BeepBox is an online tool for sketching and sharing instrumental melodies.
Here comes a monologue. Best read by clicking on the above link, pressing ‘play’, and having on in the background while ya do.
I made this music, btw. I like it. I hope you do too.
This weekend has been a time of reflection for me. I'm thinking about what I've been doing over the last few years. The things that I'm grateful for, certainly. But also the things that I want to push onto - the ways in which I want to grow and develop. Sitting stagnant is something I know I can fall into, and I desperately don't want to look back over my life, seeing myself as exactly the same man, having failed to make myself better at what I choose to put my mind towards.
Because surely one day I'll stop being bad at stuff.
I’ve spent some time discovering some UT fan content (Chara vs Buddy) and being stunned at how many names I recognise being among the contributors, having done voice work in this fandom for... well... quite a long time now. And the feeling is bittersweet. Because I am simultaneously entertained (to the point of laughing out loud, in fact, because the content is genuinely brilliant) and heartbroken.
I wish to have my voice - my name - among theirs. I desperately want to have what I have contributed towards feature so strongly - to shine such a bright light in the world.
Am I never going to contribute to work that popular?
I find that hard to believe, and I find it hard to believe for two main reasons:
1) I went from volunteering for YouTube channels with (at most) a few thousand subscribers, to becoming a VA, editor, and general annoyance for TwoAllNighters, currently with 114,000 subscribers and counting. I can clearly raise my game.
2) I am currently running a Dungeons and Dragons Campaign for, among my other dear friends, the writer/artist for Ask Frisk and Company, my favourite web comic ever. I’ve also contributed to Studio Catbird’s dub of said comic, and even though that didn’t last long, it was still the most exciting thing I’ve ever done as a voice actor. Every so often the reality of what I get to do hits me again, and I nerd out anew. It’s so surreal. But... if that can happen to me once, why not again?
I’m sitting here, typing late into the night, pondering these things, feeling a bit blue, a bit hopeful, a bit positive, a bit worried about tomorrow’s session. To say nothing of the fact that I have a full time job outside all of this craziness.
... time to get real.
Given what I’ve said, I would ask God the following:
Please keep giving me opportunities to grow and prove to all these people that I’m brilliant.
Please help me carry myself with dignity, humility, and passion.
Please move me to see who needs help, and how I can do it.
Please let someone see what I do and like it.
... cool.
See you in a bit.
