Tainting the Angel so That She Falls - Subaru
Existence had always been unkind to you, as a Nephilim.
You never really ‘belonged’ anywhere, born too sinful to join the angelic ranks, too holy and powerful to live amongst the human children.
Your mother had tried her best to raise you and keep your parentage a secret from the other village folks - she tried to ensure you had a safe upbringing, but it was not meant to be. You were too strange to fit in with the other children, and it showed.
Eventually, your mother even gave her life to protect you from the villagers’ harmful intent, believing you to be a demonic child, not an angelic one. Then again, to them, there would be little difference. You were dangerous in their eyes because you were a mystical being unknown to them.
And they feared that which they did not know.
So you ran. You ran far and tried to find your place in the world, though it was tremendously difficult and the road was ever-weary.
It was a tremendously painful life, full of challenges to just stay alive - never belonging anywhere. Through the centuries you adapted from one place to another, from era to era, keeping mostly to yourself because you knew no matter how hard you tried, that you’d never be accepted by the humans.
And that was when you met him.
He was a vampire. You didn’t sense that at first - only the vague sense of solidarity between yourselves. From the very first moment you met him, you felt connected to him.
You were both still children. You’d been older by a century or two - but by immortal standards, this was nothing; and though your innocence was gone due to era after era of horrible treatment and observing the sins of humanity, your body had yet to mature. Immortals aged far slower.
His own innocence was almost gone, when you met him.
He was a sweet boy. Your meeting had been an accident - you were in a forest when you saw him - he was picking wild roses and flowers, when you stepped on a branch and accidentally made yourself known. He hissed, thinking you an enemy, only to raise his eyebrow in surprise when he saw a weak-looking, starved girl show herself to him.
Feebly, you introduced yourself as simply “(Y/N)”. Nothing more, nothing less.
Subaru allowed you to pick the flowers with him and explained they were for his mother; he wished to do something nice for her that would make her smile - “she’s been unhappy a lot, lately.” He told you, that day.
Once the sun began to go down, you stood, wishing him and his mother well, turning to walk back into the woods. You had the sweetest little hut you had found in the woods back about a decade or so, it was small and quaint and well-hidden, and thus ideal for you. Perhaps, it was cold, and winters were harsh, but you loved your small hut for one.
From the moment of your fateful meeting onwards, you and Subaru spent more time together. He’d come to visit you, especially when he had terrible days, and you let him see your hut.
For a little while, everything was good. Your life, always so chaotic, was...good, and you were truly happy for the first time in forever.
Seasons changed just as they did each year, but for the first time, you noticed the beauty in everything. The rusty autumn leaves, the frosty spiderwebs, the spring daises, the sun-encased trees.
And, as time passed, you and Subaru only became closer. Childhood sweethearts; not-quite-lovers. Simply two young souls who adored each other, who understood each other, who felt a bond. The type of relationship that is filled with “almost”.
Almost kisses, almost lovers, almost romance, almost eternal;
Until, one day, he stopped visiting you.
You had no idea why - you tried to find out, to go to him, but you did not know where his house was. For all you knew, someone or something might’ve killed your best friend in cold hands.
You stayed up all day and night for weeks on end hoping he would come, searching your forest high and low, but there was no sign of him.
Dejected, you had to accept the outcome that either he was now dead, or, the dreadful outcome; he was tired and bored of you.
It also turned out that one of the nearby villagers had seen you, and they gathered to expel you from your hut. Unfortunately for you, the village nearest to the forest had been overflowing with superstitious fools who, as all humans did, chased you out with flames and curses.
Years and decades blended together undistinguishedly, and now you were sitting on a church rooftop, petite but glorious wings on your back, loosely relaxed. You’d been accepted, at long last, by the angelic order.
You still had no idea why they allowed you into their order - you, who they viewed as a disgusting being for so long - but you were glad because at long last you finally ‘belonged’.
Except you didn’t really feel as if you did. Being one of them was great - what you’d dreamt of since you were a child, but now you found it so...devoid of joy.
Subaru still crossed your mind, more often than he ought to. You wished you had more time with him, but Fate was a cruel mistress. Whatever happened to him in the end, you could only hope it brought him peace, even if it was death.
The card that Fate threw at you, however, mere months later was as unexpected as could be.
Walking down the streets, wearing a charm that concealed you from human eyes, you tried to locate your new human charge - they were going to let you observe humans and assist some guardian angels to train yourself to someday become one, too.
It was there where you saw him, but you could not believe your eyes - it was a hallucination, it must be.
You stood across from one another in the street, baffled, until Subaru was approached by what you could only assume were his brothers and a sweet-looking blonde girl, pulling him away from staring at the girl across the street.
He looked...good. Shaking yourself out of that state, you turned and continued walking to your destination, trying to focus on the task at hand. Subaru was your past.
Being an angel...this was your future.
It was your future...but you felt drawn towards him, you always were.
The next time you saw him, it was months later. You spent those months working and sucking up to make yourself seem worthy of your lowly angelic ranking - they had a change of heart and allowed you to join them in the first place, you weren’t about to be lazy and make them think they made a regrettable choice.
As one who never fit anywhere, this was going to be as good as it got for you. Humanity was overrated, so at least you had that in common with quite a large portion of some more...spiteful angels.
This time, you had a different kind of task. Your tasks as a pupil for being a future guardian was going well, but they wanted to test your abilities to protect your charges from evil beings, and thus you were given the responsibility to ‘take care’ of some small negative influences - nothing extreme, you were always going to be a Nephilim, and thus weaker than a full-on angel when it came to powers. You had to get rid of some slightly-negative spirits, helping them pass over to the other side. Not the easiest job, but not dangerous, either.
It was during this time that Subaru approached you, breathless, just as you watched a spirit fade into the light, feeling you with warmth. Subaru had watched you in the shadows as you gently explained to the ghost that they were dead and that their confusion was valid, but they needed to let go. It was beautiful.
You gasped, turning around and staring at him, fighting against your immediate instinct to run into his arms and hug him as you cried. He was your past, now, not your future.
The awkward tension was endless. What could he possibly say to you? What could you possibly say to him?
“I…” he paused, gulping, ashamed. He had never gone back to visit you, never said goodbye, and the shame from that was hitting him - hard. He’d abandoned you like he feared to be abandoned.
He did to you, what he feared would be done to him. There was no amount of apologies that could ever atone for that.
When he did go back, months later, your small cottage had been burnt to the ground, as with the woodland closest to it. He recalled how much he wept, thinking you dead.
And now here you were and with wings this time around.
“-Yes.” your responses were curt and simple - you couldn’t be mixed up with him anymore. If someone saw you...well, you would risk falling and that would be worse than if you remained half-way between two worlds.
Subaru cursed himself into infinity, throat and chest feeling too tight - he couldn’t breathe.
“I must go,” You stated, taking him off-guard, and left.
And just like the first time he lost you, you took his heart with you.
He couldn’t sleep for weeks on end, dreams of you haunting him, regret overcoming him. He needed to find you - to explain himself - to, perhaps, make things right if at all possible.
Subaru knew he didn’t deserve your forgiveness. You’d always been too soft, too sweet, too loving for him. But he had to try.
A monster he may be, but he’d be damned if he didn’t even try to atone.
Finding you was harder than he thought, however, since you were evading him - when he got sight of you, you would see him and hurry away.
It frustrated him to no end.
You tried your hardest to be strong, to stay away from him. Your heart longed for him for so long, but you couldn’t allow yourself to be seen with him, to fraternize with him.
Except you were weak, and after the nth time of seeing him and his dejected face, you sighed and went down to him, allowing him to talk.
He then, badly, attempted to redeem himself - explain himself - in front of you, stuttering over every other word as his emotions overwhelmed him and made him want to punch the nearest wall, and he did. His sudden affinity for violence shocked you and made you flinch, caused pain to strike through his unbeating heart.
You were scared of him, now, because he couldn’t control his forsaken temper!
But you, foolishly, agreed to forgive him - and from then on, though you didn’t particularly go out of your way to see him, if you happened to then you were just as kind and sweet as ever.
He missed you so badly, he hadn’t even realised how much until now.
And he wanted you to be with him - like you always should’ve been - but you were on the angels’ side now, and he knew better than to try and ruin something so beautiful for you.
So, when you had a fallout with some upper angels, and realised how miserable you were, you went to find him just to lament your fate - he was the only person you could go to in this situation, and you just hoped he wouldn’t mind your ranting.
He understood, then, that you still felt like you did not belong even with the angels.
But he dared not suggest anything else - anything about you stepping away from that Holy Order.
And, when you were discovered, he knew he had to do something right by you, for once, and tried to place all the blame on himself; he tempted you - and all those bullshit ‘unholy’ acts - to frame himself as the sinner, which he was, in this case. You, however, were having none of it.
Even if you hadn’t announced that you were fine with falling, you would’ve fallen regardless; an angel was meant to be incorruptible, which you clearly weren’t in their eyes.
But the fact he still tried warmed your heart, and you appreciated it oh-so-deeply.
Gods, you loved him - oh God. You loved him. Though you supposed it had always been that way.
And...if falling was what it took to be with him - to be allowed to be with him - then so be it. Because by his side, and only by his side, did you feel like you belonged.
