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[jamiesy-blog]

sublimation

 seriously, i dont know what to think right now... but the truth is im not feeling well.. its not the hormones. something triggered it... for a while i was doomed. Drank a tall glass of baileys,, it tasted good! so good! so good that when i stood up I mistook a room corner for stairs. I got dizzy for a while... teammate said I became very loud (much more loud)... yes, alcohol! who would have thought that an irish cream could have an effect?!! i drank it like a mud shake!

 got teary eyed for a lot of times.. i almost cried.. really, it hurts to know something you never expect would happen. I was really surprised. I couldn't utter any words, i just excused myself and  went to the comfort room... sigh..

then sad songs begun to play... chasing pavements, masaya.. you know, emo songs. questions like "why" why... why why....popped in my head.

Am i reacting too much?. Im not mad... but i have to admit im sad.. really sad. sad enough that for the first time I asked my teammates to drink with me. of course the irrational side.... thinks that alcohol could ease the pain.

but then after that tall glass of irish cream, i felt  a pain coming from my sikmura again (ano nga ba english nun?) .. yes! the doctor forbid me to drink any form of alcohol, tea and coffee... and what i just did, triggered my ulcer... I jokingly said that tomorrow I would be on SL (suicide leave) haha.. but am i really that irrational to kill myself? ....

the truth is, heartbreak doesn't kill us, but sometimes we wish it could.

I wish I could tell him the reason behind this .. I could not even look at him.. its not that i want to avoid him... it just hurts to know the truth...its not that its love already... its the disappointment and expectation that hurt

and what did i do after i got tired from crying?.... RAP!!! hahaha

at dahil sintunado ako , i think i'll rap instead.. :))

that's all.

still... im trying to be positive... will ask God to reinforce me with optimism.. at this time i really need it. AGAIN.

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does love really last?