#subluexd

[carpe------diem-blog]

Don't Care

Ideally, I would love to not care anymore. But the fact that we are humans with emotions doesn't really help. But slowly and surely, its starting to happen. Whether or not things happen, I'm content living every day by day to the fullest and happy. Its my happiness, and no guy is gonna screw with that. CARPE DIEM.

[carpe------diem-blog]

True, I have no romantic feelings for you at one point in my life. Truth again, when I broke up with my boyfriend and rebounded off you without you realizing. Truth yet again, that the little things you do to make me question whether I have feelings for you. But still, yet truth again, that I suppress everything down because I don't want to be emotionally reliant on you or anyone else. Sure I can play it off like hehe, we are just really close friends. But, we all know, its is almost impossible for a guy and girl to be really close friends if romantic feelings weren't once involved. And for now, I really don't have feelings for you. But maybe sometime in the future, I might. And when that happens, I'm willing to do anything to prevent myself from digging another hole of hurt, even if it means pushing you out of my life. But let's hope we really never reach that point.

[carpe------diem-blog]

Whyyyyyy? :(

I should be studying for finals but I'm not and I'm doing everything but studying.

[carpe------diem-blog]

It never occurred to me how much will power it takes to prevent yourself from liking someone. Like the timing is not right. And the circumstances just don't work in your favor. And then feelings are reduced to friendship.

[carpe------diem-blog]

One shot. That's all it took for me to get all tipsy and do such horrifying and embarrassing things. Lovely.

But I realized something. Sometimes you just have to not give a fuck. And you gotta go outta your comfort zone. Like I did all those things because it wasn't something I would do if I was completely sober. As mortifying as some of the stuff I done was, I don't regret it. And sometimes, you just have to do things that make you, yourself happy, not anyone else, but yourself. And until you find that goal that you want to work for, or that object in the distant past that makes you happy, you will find everything pointless. And then you are stuck in the sick black hole, or like a warp filled with negative thoughts that seem to never end.

epiphany at 3AM. technically 4AM. Daylight Savings. Oh, college, messing up your biological clock since 1088.

[carpe------diem-blog]

Day12-(Oct. 14)

Monday.

Snail dissection. It was nasty. I don't mind dissecting but the smell really got to me and oh gosh it was just bad.

Worked on Chem lab. Working ahead of time (y)

[carpe------diem-blog]

Day11-(Oct. 13)

Sunday.

Worked on Bio Lab like usual.

Worked on Mastering Chemistry. ughhhh. I got .2 below the curve for passing. Have to do the follow up now. grrrr

Really tried not to think about anything.

Tried to plan a surprise birthday party for Tiff. Failed because I squeaked. I was sooooo outta the loop and I just blurted it out. oh goshies.

Ate sooo much.

[carpe------diem-blog]

Day10-(Oct. 12)

Saturday.

Pretty much bummed around. Ate meds. Slept.

Oovooed with Karen. Quote of the night "Wheeee, my feet look like horns"