Sep 1, 2025
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mwah ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ x
"however we can...", a pay-what-you-want solo acoustic session album by gay eldest daughter, out now!
So! New session album! You can get it digitally or on CD here! But bear with me, because I wanna tell y'all about SubRosa...
I'm a collective member at SubRosa Space in Santa Cruz, California. It's a volunteer-run community center and anarchist infoshop that's been part of the fabric of Santa Cruz for almost 20 years, alongside its sister organizations in the Hub for Sustainable Living (which include an awesome bike repair service called the Bike Church and an equally cool community textile arts and salvage workshop called the Fábrica).
SubRosa is a place where bands from all over come to play shows. It's home to a Free Skool community education program, a Really Really Free Market giveaway/exchange, and an Anarchist Library and Zine Exchange. It regularly hosts prisoner solidarity events, meetings for homeless Santa Cruz residents, benefit shows, organizing and social events for queer and trans folks, peer support and recovery groups, and so much more!
This is a place that us collective members love with all our hearts. We are doing everything we can to make certain that this wonderful place stays around, which brings me to the main topic of this post...
"however we can..." by gay eldest daughter is the test run for SubRosa: Live Sets & Sessions, an ongoing project to release live recordings from SubRosa shows and session albums recorded in SubRosa's space from musical artists who donate performances. The albums are released on Bandcamp, and 100% of the proceeds to go continuing SubRosa's operations.
In keeping with SubRosa's desire to make art as accessible as possible and contribute to building a world beyond the profit motive, both the digital download and the CD are Pay What You Want. Contribute what you'd like in order to support the space--I will be extremely grateful for any amount folks give--but you can grab the download for as little as free (yippee!) and the CD for as little as Bandcamp's mandatory $1 contribution plus $4.47 for shipping.
I had a ton of fun recording this album and doing the art for the CD. As you can see, I put plenty of work (so much stippling) into art for both the inside and outside of the wallet case in addition to an on-disc print. It's the same set of songs I play at most of my live shows, so if you've been wondering what the Gay Eldest Daughter Live Experience is like, well then this is a pretty good preview.
I hope you all enjoy this album, and like I said, I'm so grateful to everyone who contributes a donation. There aren't many other spots out there like SubRosa, and I hope that this post has imparted at least a bit of what makes the place so special.
Thanks, y'all!! 🌹🏴💖
"however we can..." (subrosa session) on Bandcamp
SubRosa's website | SubRosa on Instagram
BUCK∞TICK
「PHY Vol.26, December 2024. Magazine」
Part 2
Scanned by me
IMAI, 2024
imai interview, switch magazine, dec 2024 scanned by me!!
Tasogare no Hauringu 黄昏のハオリング
Music and lyrics by Imai Hisashi
I think there has been some sentiment among some (certainly not all) fans that Imai's headstrong optimism and push forward can sometimes seem cold. I have long suspected that's more of a cultural clash, as in the west, a man who doesn't shed tears is doing it to keep a "stiff upper lip" because of the underlying belief that emotion is weakness (except for anger, of course). However, while forms of toxic masculinity do exist in the east as well, you're just as, if not more, likely to run into a motive to keep everyone together, and to not shed your own tears so as not to spread sadness further. I always felt such was Imai's motivation, especially after his tender speech at the 2023 Genshou performance.
I had been thinking that I wish Imai would show his sorrow a bit more. I think it's a vulnerability fans need to touch as much as for his own message of "Be Happy" as for the validation of their own tears. After all, if the man who can find contentment in this hell can also mourn, than can't we who mourn also be able to find contentment?
If there was any remaining concern that Imai might not be capable of tears, publicly or privately, this song blasts them out of the waters.
The Twilight Howling
Tasogare, as a modern term, refers to the time between sunset and night. An older version of the same word, tasokare, refers to the time of night when it has just become too dark to clearly see others' faces. In the Chinese zodiac counting of the day, it falls during the "hour of the dog" (7 p.m. to 9 p.m.) when he takes his place to guard the gate.
While Japanese has many words for dusk or twilight, tasogare specifically also has a colloquial use as an expression of melancholy or nostalgia. As with twilight in English, it can refer to one's "twilight years."
Though I wouldn't say it necessarily applies to this song, but it does to the rest of the album, tasogare can also be used metaphorically to mean that, while the brightest time is past, there is still enough light worth pushing a little further.
And there in just the title alone we have a coming darkness, the inability to see the face of even a friend, the loyal guardian, melancholy, nostalgia, physical decline in aging, and the drive to continue regardless. Now on to the lyrics themselves...
オーロラの地へ 魂のパレード Oh Flyaway ōrora no chi he tamashī no parēdo oh fly away
to the land of the aurora, parade of souls, oh fly away
Okay, so, I'm already a hot, sobbing, facial tissue-consuming mess; how is everyone else???
Right off the bat, we know the album has been leading up to this song from the very cover. The aurora as not simply a visual metaphor, but here a lyrical one, specifically the parade that Acchan has ascended to, and the one we all will eventually join.
3000年後の 荒野に立て Oh Memory sanzen nen go no kōya ni tate oh memory
standing in the wilderness 3000 years from now, oh memory
Narratively, the lyrics here are less clear, but I'm inclined to see it as the end of humanity, that we as a species as much as we as individuals will leave nothing but a memory, with nature returning to take her place where our cities once stood.
エンジェルの群れ 虹色 風 Oh Flyaway enjeru no mure niji iro kaze oh fly away
a flock of angels, rainbow wind, oh fly away
More metaphoric descriptions of the aurora as the place where Acchan and all other beloved souls must be.
薔薇の下 獣たち Oh Oh bara no moto kemono-tachi o-oh
we beasts under the rose, oh
In 2018, Sakurai Atsushi completed a performance in very obvious pain. After apologizing to the audience for not performing his best, he was rushed to hospital, where he was found to be bleeding internally from a gastrointestinal hemorrhage. While in recovery, he penned Kemonotachi no Yoru, ("Our Night" with "our" meaning "we beasts"). A few lyrics near the end of that song imply his promise, for the sake of his fans, to never leave the stage: "Dance for me, Pierrot / Tonight you stay on that stage till the end" (trans. by Cayce). If such was Acchan's intention, then it was in this song that he predicted his own death.
Kemonotachi ("we beasts") here means as much the remaining members of the band as the entire fandom, and "under the rose," the literal translation of "subrosa," the Latin meaning "done in secret," is the unique connection we share, having loved so dearly the one we all lost together.
黄昏のハウリング 歌うように 歌うように Oh Oh tasogare no hauringu utau yō ni utau yō ni o-oh
the twilight howling, like singing, (like a song), oh
Using the base noun "song" twice would probably be the more natural choice, if only to avoid the repeating continuous -ing form, which is not as it appears in the Japanese.
There's also an implication that what we the audience hear as music, and have heard throughout this album, has actually been the sorrowful cries of a lonely pack this whole time.
黄昏のハウリング 哭いている 咆えている tasogare no hauringu naiteiru hoeteiru
This line has two translations. If you're just listening to the lyrics, you might assume naiteiru and hoeteiru are 泣いている and 吠えている, which are the common characters used for those words, leading a listener(-only) to hear:
the twilight howling, crying, howling
with the second howling being the typical Japanese word for the howl of animals. However, with the very specific and uncommon characters used, the meaning is closer to:
the twilight howling, wailing, yowling
While the common "crying" with 泣 very simply means "crying" with no particular nuance, the "crying" with 哭 is a noisy cry, a wail, a sob. It implies uncontrolled emotions and a demand to be heard.
Likewise 咆 can mean "howling" like its common counterpart, 吠, but this roar, this howl, has a distinct undertone of violence, anger, or rage. There is no good direct translation for this one in English. Any word animalistic enough isn't dangerous enough. Any word dangerous enough isn't animalistic enough.
Harkening back to the previous line of "sounding like a song but (is actually) howling" we have a line that sounds like simple "crying, howling" but is actually far more gut-wrenching and unleashed.
From here on out, we repeat the previous lyrics:
オーロラの地へ 魂のパレード Oh Flyaway
3000年後の 荒野に立て Oh Memory
エンジェルの群れ 虹色 風 Oh Flyaway
薔薇の下 獣たち Oh Oh
黄昏のハウリング 歌うように 歌うように Oh Oh 黄昏のハウリング 哭いている 咆えている
Oh Oh 歌うように 歌うように Oh Oh 哭いている 咆えている
🌌
This song is only ever so slightly slower than Mudai and follows a similar chord progression. Sakurai has never clearly revealed what he intended for Mudai's message to be, but personally, I'm inclined to see it as the horror and confusion of being brought into existence—a trauma many of us never really recover from—and the inclination to pursue the darkness that once felt safe. From darkness we come and to darkness we go.
Even without interpretation, the theme of birth in the song is obvious. How poetic then, to end the album mourning Sakurai's passing with such an homage to it, reminding us that death and birth are part of a (painful) cycle.
After lyrics such as these, the sound of Imai's guitar ends on the same tones as ended Mudai, more discordant, more painful. A furious and heartrending howl you would almost mistake for a song.
BUCK-TICK 冥王星で死ね (Meiōsei de shine)
"Die on Pluto"
In highest spirits, HEAVEN on the rise Look down from the stratosphere, BEAM to the ionosphere!
Barely-make-it boys, dazzling girls Cyberbrain, meditation, intuition, open Sesame!
Gagagagagagagaga Gagagagagagagaga
Darkness emerges, God judges Intrigue, truth, we don’t know, keeping quiet
Never Neverland, Eldorado Die on Pluto, the night of the storm
Gagagagagagagaga Gagagagagagagaga
In highest spirits, HEAVEN on the rise Look down from the stratosphere, BEAM to the ionosphere!
Barely-make-it boys, dazzling girls Cyberbrain, meditation, intuition, open Sesame!
Gagagagagagagaga Gagagagagagagaga
Darkness emerges, God judges Intrigue, truth, we don’t know, keeping quiet
Never Neverland, Eldorado Die on Pluto, the night of the storm
Gagagagagagagaga Gagagagagagagaga
kanji & romaji under cut !!
paradeno mori final score explanation (x)
Semi-nightly Hoshino
screen grab from b-t istg