Honestly if any of the MK1 characters picked an actual fight with my fatass, the intro dialog is basically gonna be "I may be the ugliest person you've seen in this timeline but I survived the American Healthcare system. Hope you're ready to eat shit, enjoy the ER."
General Shao goes back to Outworld "utterly shooketh" after having ONE visit to an American Emergency Room, and from that day forward urges Empress Sindel to never ever pick a fight with our timeline's Earthrealm.
"The horrors of their system," he'd probably say, "make Shang Tsung's lab seem like a daycare."
Just put some ice on it and go home next time bro. And don't come back or imma beat you to a pulp with your own healthbar.