#suffer hours

[abbot-jpg]

just one day without an unidentifiable panic attack would be pretty swell but alas 😔✌️

[gjutterson]

never have i ever been in love.

There is a tremor to his hand. There often is, nowadays. When he was younger, he felt like altogether he kept himself more whole, more composed, even with those horrid allowances he allowed himself. But he cannot hesitate, and yet hesitation makes it all worse because he knows he’s a terrible liar, even by this silly omission of drink, and everyone will know and they will look at him, searching for what sin it is that is making him reveal the truth by an obvious lie.

So, Utterson swallows a bit nervously, quietly, hoping to blend into the background, watching those around him with hawk eyes and hoping they don’t notice that. The moment someone else is raisin their glass in response to the statement, is the moment he copies the action, failing to feign nonchalance, heart pounding away with the desperate hope that no one notices how the edge of the glass almost clatters against his teeth as he takes a sip.