#suicidestory

[storytellerworldblog]

Suicide – Online life Stories| Online stories read in English

Mayank was an aspiring actor and he wanted to make it big in the film industry but it is wisely said that not all the dreams come into reality as few of them are also meant to shatter down. He was very hard-working talented but he was not able to crack any of the auditions from past few days. He had few short roles earlier but it was not what he wanted.

Mayank started feeling depressed as it was almost four years since he landed in the film industry with a dream to make it big but unfortunately he was only talented and he was barely having any contacts or a god father within the industry due to which he was only a struggling outsider.

Mayank stayed with his childhood friend Sarthak who was working in a tech firm as a software engineer in the same city. Both of them share the same apartment and Sarthak use to pay for rent and other things most of the times as he did not wanted Mayank to stop following his dreams.

Both the friends often rehearse the roles for auditions in which Sarthak helps Mayank in getting the lines right, Sarthak was very confident of his friend and he always tried motivating his friend to stay positive and focused towards the goal.

Sarthak was shutting his laptop down as he was done for the day, his mobile rang. It was Mayank, he picked it up.

“Where are you?” It was Mayank. “I’m about to leave from office, tell me. Where are you right now?”Sarthak asked his friend.“I’ve just reached the apartment.” Mayank replied.

“Ok, why don’t we go out for couple of drinks, oh I forgot to ask you how was your today’s audition?” Sarthak was anxiously waiting to hear from his friend.

“I don’t know, what to say as I’m fed up of one specific line from everyone.”Mayank paused for a while and then said “Thank you very much for coming and we will get back to you for the results.”

“But it can be wrong as well, I think you should focus more on your acting skills. You are an outsider and every outsider have to struggle to create a mark in this industry which is filled with cut throat competition.”Sarthak said.

“Leave it, this place requires you to have a sharp PR skills not acting skills.” Mayank was upset so Sarthak changed the topic “Don’t you think we are drinking too slowly, don’t forget we have entire bottle to finish.”

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[beachimtan]

I’m going to kill myself.

But i don’t know how. I don’t even know where and when. I just know that I’m tired and i died already. No one will care if i ever do it. They have their own lives. I’m left out. I am so alone. They may cry by the time that they find out but  their lives will still go on, i won’t even affect them. Do you know how it feels to think about on how to make myself happy but always end up feeling unsatisfied/sad? Do you know how depressing that is? No. Of course not. A lot of people say that ‘oh it’s okay you’ll be fine’ but you don’t understand! You will never understand unless you are in that situation! Do you know how it feels to remember that yourself is hopeless? that you cannot escape from the situation you have no idea why you are in? That you can never be happy because this is your life and you can’t do anything because you have to do what they say. You have to follow the rules because you might get beaten up for being stupid, for doing things that what you think suites you, for letting yourself  free for awhile. I grew up thinking that my dad is in abroad for us, and it is not a problem with me. He left for good but i didn’t know it would cause a lot of things that would make my situation even worst. We were left here where fear kept us. At a young age, i tried to understand everything, that things will not happen the way i wanted it. I grew up as an independent person but as the time goes by. the past haunts me. Do you know how crazy it is to cry every night because i can still feel the pain, it is still urging and i have no idea how to get away with it. You will not understand what I’m saying because i also cannot find the right words to describe to you how painful and traumatic it is to live this kind of life. The only person i can lay my head next to is God. My family? i couldn’t even remember when was the last time they asked me If I am alright. My friends? they will never understand. I don’t like ‘pity’ from them. I understand that my Dad can’t be here with us and that my Mom chose the fucked up life and that my brother will steal away everything just for attention and make up stories just for his own credit. ( another person that ruined my life ) Well yeah How can i be so thankful? You know, i really tried to keep this to myself, to never let the grudges get me. At the age of 14?15?16? How can you expect me to understand every fucking thing that you say to me and expect me to not mind it at all? What hurts me the most is that they don’t mind what i might feel anymore. I know I’m too old for this shit but they should remember that no one’s too old for love.Don’t dare tell me that i didn’t do anything to make the situation better. You have no idea how much stories and feelings I’ve let out but they have never taken seriously. You are not in the position to judge me. You are not in the position to tell me what to do. I don’t need anyone’s advice because that won’t make me feel any better.  I feel like a garbage can, all my family’s trash are thrown to me and i am so fed up with these emotions and that I’m soon going to burn and be gone in this world.  Sabi nga ni eminem “ But then of course everything always happens for a reason I guess it was never meant to be But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream” i give up.

[pixiegrxce]

Stay strong ❤ I'm always here for any of you x