May 1, 2015
im going to ucla for the next four years!!! im honestly so stoked and proud cries
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im going to ucla for the next four years!!! im honestly so stoked and proud cries
more college angst sorry lately ive just been dreading every single day and im just so out if it i feel so hollow and worn out abd im so filled with anxiety and dread i literally cant stand it anymore cries im 95% done with my early decision for columbia… i just need to wait on my teacher recs and im literally good to send it off…. but everything is haunting me: my test scores, my gpa, my extracurriculars, me as a person etc etc etc… i cant deal with the fact that im going to judged as number instead of an actual individual an d im literally so scared of not being good enough if im not good enough for columbia, im probably not good enough for any other school as well and im just so so scared my act is literally in three days and i havent studied shit for it so what if i get a lower score????? that would fuck me up so much but what can i do when all of my teachers are suddenly thrusting all these projects and tests up my ass and im literally??????? how do you expect me to deal with college shit when all this added work and stress is making me so much worse i cant deal cries ive been copying homework from kyle and my friends for the past couple weeks bc ive lost all motivation to continue esp since i feel like i cant do shit for my future anyways i fucked up my calc quiz but instead of being upset and bummed out about it i just felt really empty and apathetic i just want this time to pass, i really do cries im hurting myself over and over with all this anxiety but im also hurting my friends and my family through doing so just please i need good times to come soon
dumbass college angst shit so i think everyone and their mom knows that ive been dreaming about ucla since elementary school and now that it’s nearly time to apply im just… a little scared i guess…… scratch that, not a little, im really really fucking scared. it’s harder than ever to get in and im just hhhgggGGGHHHHGGH about everything and that’s not even the whole story my college counselor recommended me to apply early decision for columbia since he’s seen the trend in uc acceptance and ucla is pretty hard to reach plus columbia would be perfect for what i want to do (???) and so far, every single person ive asked, my parents, my tutors, my friends, juan pablo even, are enthusiastic about it saying that it’s a great opportunity for me and that i should totally go for it!!! but really, it’s not something im too sure about.. i mean it is a binding contract after all and i dont take to commitment like that very well considering there are other schools i prefer over it anyways. im not saying ill get in, because that too is probably a stretch, but im just scared of the slight possibility that i might make it causing me to withdraw all my applications elsewhere, which also means i lose my chance with ucla as well. i mean, im really in love with ucla but more than that, im in love with california and i sincerely do not want to leave unless i really have to so as of right now im stuck in this little dilemma. early decision apps are due november 1 and im 75% done with my app… im still confused on whether i should actually go for it or just see how things go as i reply regular…. i understand it’s an ivy league school and it’ll probably be helpful to me in the long run (somehow???) but i dont know. i feel most people are just biased and pushing me to apply bc it’s an ivy. i dont know i dont know i need to make so many decisions and im under a time constraint and i just feel so awful im so unsure about my future it’s killing me i sincerely dont know what to do nor what i fucking want anymore im just so utterly lost i just dont want to make a decision ill regret
my dad got pissed at me because i told him im applying to csu’s and uci+ucsb he called me a disgrace and a waste of fucking time and money what the fuck is wrong with you you’re my father but fuck you you’re an asshole sorry i can’t be perfect and get into any ivy or god forbid one of the big uc three in less than a heartbeat sorry im applying to schools that you think are “not good enough” sorry im even trying in the first place jesus fucking christ im stressed out as it is leave your dumbass opinions to yourself