sometimes life is intoxicating.
I’m tired. I’m so tired of trying. It’s exhausting, pushing yourself further and further to prove to someone that you still love him. I… I am quite aware that I made a grave mistake in my infidelity, but should I be required to pay for my mistake for the remainder of my life? I want him back. I want him to be mine again. I want to show to him that I can remain faithful, and that I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. It’s a scary thought, you know? I’m eighteen, and I already know precisely whom I want to spend the remainder of my life with.
The problem is, that boy doesn’t want to spend the remainder of his life with me. I feel so… unwanted. I’m alone. In every sense of the word, I’m alone. The only friend I have anymore is Quinn, and… sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. I can’t continue living like this. I need to throw myself into my Broadway future and forget about Sam Evans.
…. Or, at the very least, I need to forget about him for the summer. He’s still the one for me, regardless of circumstance. I just need him to realize that. He will, eventually – it’s simply going to take awhile.
I have to go. I need to practice lines for the next production I am starring in! It’s quite exciting. Maybe this will distract me from Sam…
(Excerpt from Rachel’s diary, two weeks into the summer)
Forgetting about Sam Evans proved to be harder for Rachel than she thought. While she did throw herself into her summer classes – she didn’t exactly need to take anything over the summer, but she felt it would be advisable for distracting herself – and took on lead roles in a few productions her school hosted, she still found her thoughts turning to her beloved ex-boyfriend in the lonely nights. It didn’t help that she sometimes saw him around the city, in little coffee shops or in the park. She never spoke to him in person, as she was certainly fully aware he wanted nothing to do with her.
Still, that didn’t stop her from communicating with him via e-mail and text message. She couldn’t resist it at times, although she tried so hard to forget. After one particularly intense conversation, Rachel decided enough was enough. She forced herself to stop texting him unless he texted her first, and after a two week vacation to Spain with her dads, she returned to New York with a fresh outlook on life.
For the remainder of the summer, Rachel focused completely on herself. She took regular trips to the spa, worked out on her elliptical as much as possible, and made friends with several girls (and boys) from the productions she was fortunate enough to take part in. She is planning on starting the fall semester with a renewed outlook on life – she may have lost the love of her life, but at least she still has both of her dads, her health, and her new friends. Things could certainly be worse, and she has every intention of keeping that thought in mind. She wants to have fun, live life, and see where things take her from here.
