hey eli talk to me about just /how much/ different kanan is from caleb. and if kanan met his younger self: would he recognize himself?
// ELIJAH TALKS KANAN: 003.
to a degree, they’re still the same person, even though ( deep down, ) kanan sort of resents that fact. he doesn’t regret his days at the jedi temple. he regrets the situation and circumstance that came from that —— he was a pretty good kid, he thought, and rarely got into trouble. but there were days back then where he didn’t wish he was a jedi, certain days when he hated how eager he was to learn, and the treatment he received from other younglings about it.
caleb was, essentially, a ‘goody-two-shoes’, for lack of a better term. and that’s where he and kanan are vastly different. there’s been a lot of instances where kanan hasn’t verbally expressed his distaste for his younger self, but he definitely thinks about it. more times than he can count. caleb followed the rules, respected others ( kanan still does, just in a slightly less… ass-kissing way, ) and he didn’t really know how to have fun. that’s where they’re different.
kanan had spent years traveling from system to system, having his fun, recklessly doing jobs that almost ended with death, but that was enjoyable for him. he planet hopped when things got dull. he drank, he fought, he flirted ( with both sentient being and death, ) and he never came to regret any of that. he kept to himself, because he never stayed anywhere. ties were cut without so much as a ‘goodbye’, and that was that. he didn’t form attachments, he didn’t make friends, he was out to have a good time, make some credits, and leave.
as far as recognizing his younger self, i would say… maybe. kanan losing his sight definitely put a lot of things into perspective for him. joining hera’s crew and taking on the empire sobered him up a lot. that was when he decided he needed to act his age, be more mature about things, and the drinking money went to fuel and food. that aside, being blind was a wake up call. it made him think in ways he was too afraid to, or didn’t think he needed to, in the past. he turned into the man that caleb, maybe once or twice, looked forward to being as a child.
caleb and the kanan of today, aren’t that different —— at least, in the 5 or 6 years he went from not giving a shit about himself and where he ended up, to the him of today that’s far more battle hardened and willing to accept consequence, repercussions,, and criticism. he would recognize caleb. he would relate to him, in a lot of ways, he would understand why he was the boy he was. but i don’t think he’d willing to be that boy again. i can’t say he’s content with where he is in life, and i can’t say he knows where he’s going —— he does acknowledge that he’s grown, he’s changed, and that’s the most important part.
