Aug 16, 2025
Now that's what I call America's ass
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Now that's what I call America's ass
Cursed question: if their dongs are so big then how tf they fit them in those skin tight suit?? Is the crotch part like that magical purse Hermione had or maybe their bulge is so big it's a focus of attention???
Maybe that's the tactic, make your eyes go there so next thing you know got sucker punched straight to the head lol
What the reader looks like after sleeping with the batboys 🤣😂🤣
Also that’s why they have the weird huge dong covers in the titans tv show. It’s the superhero way apparently.
Maybe quarantine is getting to him, a bit. He promised himself he'd never watch a CW show after, you know, being in one, but Dylan... well, he's going through it. And by going through it, he'll admit that Tyler's ass in that suit is going to destroy him.
He thought he'd watch the first episode and it'd be good to catch up on an old friend's work, they don't talk as often as they used to and there was always a tinge of 'almost but not quite' to their interactions that left things slightly sour. Like, maybe if he'd said or done something differently -
Anyway.
He didn't, so, they don't talk that much anymore. It's fine. He watches Tyler's show and he wouldn't admit it if you paid him but if his hand ends up down his sweats half the time, teasing, biting down on his bottom lip as he tries to watch through half lidded eyes as fuckin' Tyler, who knew him as an obnoxious teenager and didn't hate him, god, fuck, who put up with so much shit, and somehow still looks like Michelangelo took a chisel to a block of marble on a particularly good day and created a specimen of a man.
Dammit.
It's becoming a problem.
Tyler should not be this attractive in spandex. Objectively, Dylan knows a lot of people are attractive in spandex, that's kinda the point, but Tyler is ridiculous. And Dylan wants wants wants, and cannot have, and so he's stuck and well and truly not fucked in the way he wants to be.
Maybe quarantine is getting to him, a bit.
He's doing press for Love and Monsters, which, huh, is out on Netflix, who knew, the little movie that could, and someone, some interviewer from somewhere on a shitty wifi connection asks him if he watches Superman and Lois.
He can pretend it's the video that freezes for a few seconds but he has to stutter out an answer eventually.
"I mean, it's Hoechlin man, you gotta watch for that ass, right?"
Fuckin' brain to mouth filter is for shit these days. He has got to start talking to actual human beings again.
"Sorry, can you cut that?" He says, but the connection drops and fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
He should email his publicist and inform them that there's a shit storm coming their way and all the old bullshit will be returning in full force but -
A part of him misses that. That people actually thought he could get with Tyler. That Tyler would look at him and pick him, out of anybody he could have. It felt powerful, and when Tyler didn't rebuke it, it felt -
Something.
So, he just kind of lives with the low level anxiety of knowing that it's going out into the world, and deletes Twitter from his phone (again).
He might, he decides, just live in his bed and do the whole John Lennon thing, like, maybe try start a revolution or something. But that seems kind of difficult and he doesn't think he has the ability to pull it off. Tyler probably could. Goddamn, Tyler could turn a nation with the raise of an eyebrow.
Dylan's phone rings and it's - Tyler. Which. Is not unexpected, but at the same time, he can't say he was expecting it. It's complex.
"Hey," he says, like, this is very normal. I waxed lyrical about your ass and now you're on the phone to me. All very normal.
"You like the suit, huh?" Tyler asks, and there's a catch in his voice, it's rough and kinda breathy like it'd get after Tyler had been running. Except that isn't what Tyler's doing, Dylan doesn't think. The cut off whine confirms it, and fuck, oh fuck, this is - he doesn't know what to do with this.
"I like the suit, god, you have no idea," Dylan says, and feels the blood draining southwards, his body fizzing and alive for the first time in months. "The things I'd - Ty, you have no idea."
"Some idea," Tyler grits out, "think you like my ass."
Dylan whimpers and palms himself through his sweatpants.
"I'd - fuck - I'd worship that ass. Ty, I would. I'd do - the things I'd do. Anything. Anything for you. You know, you have to know. Before, and now, and - fuck, Ty, you're so perfect, like -" Dylan doesn't know what he's saying, what he's doing, except he's already on the edge and he can hear Tyler's breathing and it's doing things to him that he could never have imagined.
"Want you to. Want you to - Dyl, need you so bad, need you, need you - fuck, fuck - " Tyler cuts off with a whine and Dylan shakes through his own orgasm, coming hard and fast, blinking away spots from his eyesight.
"The fuck was that Ty?" He asks, suddenly nervous. He wipes his hand on his sweats and notices how sweaty his other hand is on the phone.
He hears Tyler laugh. It's warm and feels good to hear.
"You fuck me up," Tyler says, "you always did. Could never get you out of my head. Still can't. You were the best thing that never happened to me."
"You fuck me up too," Dylan says, honest. "Always wanted - more. So much more. Thought we could've been something."
"We can," Tyler says, "we can. God, Dyl, we can. If you want - fuck, we can try this. We could work."
"We could work," Dylan repeats.
"Yeah," he can hear Tyler's smile.
"I - take care, okay?" Dylan says.
"I'll see you soon," Tyler says, and it's a promise.
"Yeah," Dylan says, and Tyler breathes on the end of the line for a couple of seconds before hanging up. Dylan cradles the phone in his hand loosely.
They could work.
Yeah.
HOBRIEN ANON THIS IS A WORK OF GENIUS thank you for your service on this fine day we love you
🥰🥵😍🍑🍑🍑💦💦
Superman & Lois Episode 2 thoughts under the cut
you’re telling me a family of 4 fit all their shit in a volvo and a tiny uhaul? i can buy superman but there are limits to my ability to stretch my imagination.
OOF. just, oof. his good boy dad look just really gives me...impure thoughts. his arms look good in that sweater.
WHAT?!? Cool, cool, let’s punish the kid who already feels like a freak and isolate him and make him feel MORE like a freak. nice.
oh goodness
why is he wearing a tracksuit?
BABY I AM HERE FOR THESE THIN SWEATERS SHOWING OFF YOUR ARMS YES PLEASE
this asshole
WOW PEAK AWKWARD
he’s here! the drama
this special effects budget though... hmmm
TIGHT JEANS ALERT SOMEBODY GIF THAT SHIT PLEEEEEASE
baaaaaaaaaaabies i’m barely invested in this show but these babies are killing me
‘if no one else is gonna help you figure out what that is, i will’ WHAT I WAS BARELY PAYING ATTENTION FUCK Y’ALL 😭😭😭
way to be creepy, papa hoechlin
what?! is this one of those situation where it would be helpful to have watched the 27 other DC shows? too bad.
unsolicited superman & lois pilot thoughts (well, low key solicited by @jbbarnes)
spoilers (kinda?) under the cut but mostly my flailing about hoechlin bc obviously 😍
My tushie is an Avenger! #superbutt #avengers #checkoutmybuttthursday #sideoftoebeans #deucethediapeydog #fourbulliesandacookie #englishbulldog #dogsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjp6FCeuZ4j/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Superbutt - The Unbeatable Eleven