18. GREECE
Stefania - “SUPERG!RL”
The choice I’m being faced with is: Do something productive with my life, or finish a ranking of an imaginary contest I started months prior. It is with a certain reluctance I once again take up my ranking pen. 🙄
ENTRY ANALYSIS
And as I do, I am instantly reminded why this particular song stumped my ranking more than anything else. Enjoyment isn’t the issue at hand here. “Supergirl” (I am *not* doing the !-for-I bullshit, I’m not a ten year old) is fun and trash. I’M YO SUPERGIRL NANANA IN THIS CRAZY WORLD NANANA. It doesn’t light my world on fire, but sure it’s pleasant enough. Naturally, my positive feelings may also stem from this bopperino:
~jeweethetnietnietprecieswatjedoenmoet~ ~jeweethetnietnietpreciesmaar’tvoeltgoed~ BOOM BOOM BANGERANG, BITCHES (SHOULD HAVE WON!!! wtf!!! don’t kids like fun anymore???)
So, why am I not feeling inspired by this particular entry? Well, two things.
Firstly, "Supergirl” isn’t that good when you start comparing it to everyone else in the contest. It compares very favourably to the other Greek entries of recent memory (it’s literally their best entry since... Koza Mostra?) but then again *everything* looks good when compared the Greek entries of recent memory. Lithuania is a better country in the past five years than Greece. Serhat scored better than any Greek entry in the past five years. yadda yadda. It gets worse when you compare it to the other 2020 songs who, let’s face it, outbop it - “Still breathing” does “obnoxious flute-through-a-bullhorn” riff better. “Cleoatra” does “ridiculous nonsensical pop culture rape” better. Hell, even Senhit, whom I remind you I already ranked arguably delivered more on the trashfront.
Secondly, um Greece sucks at ESC??? the ERT selection procedure is so formulaic you can recite it step by step without batting a lash.
First, ERT will glom onto a reasonably talented artist who on paper should to stand out just based on who they are but in reality is sort of a desperate nobody. (in this case a Greek-DUTCH Jesc alum because the contest were to take place in Rotterdam - I hope nobody reading this post is anywhere near ‘surprised’ upon learning that ERT are total scrubs) Second, they’d sicc a silly uptempo trashbop onto her she is bound to dislike instantaneously, (lo and behold, persistent rumours that Stefania LOATHED “Supergirl” and felt superembarrassed by it <3 out of the mouth of babes). Naturally, the song will have been composed by Dimitris Kontopoulos, the dodie to Kirkorov’s ginger. I rag on Philipp Kirkorov a lot, given that the man has the looks and casual panache of a vaudeville villain, so allow me to praise him for the sake of underlining why he > Kontopoulos every fucking day. Not only is Kirkorov a RAAAGING regency homosexual in the best possible way (look at the coterie of artists he’s written for and convince me this *isn’t* a group of people your average basic ass gay wouldn’t build sacrificial pyramids for, you can’t) he also underscores his GoodGayness by writing BANGERS. The man understands Eurovision and he works hard make it better every year.
Meanwhile, Kontopoulos’s most successful esc song without Kirkorov’s guiding hand is “This is Our Night”, which is the antimatter equivalent of a banger. Then after the selection process, Greece would create a lot of fake hype, enough to convince a few impressionable influencers that the entry isn’t a complete crock of shit prior to rehearsals, bloating betting odds. Only to hit said rehearsals and have everything fall apart, like a deep sea fish brought to the surface, because SURPRISE the act and song and premise turned out bad and irredeemable and stupid respectively, who knew!
Now, I am aware this sounds immensely cynical and mean, especially when projected onto a never-was ESC entry. However, this is the state of Greece we live in and that state is a Sophoclean fucking tragedy. If life gives Greece lemons, I’ll gladly down the avgolemono. All that’s left is the perverse bemusement of their inevitable self-inflicted downfall because the alternative is teeth-gnawing frustration.
Again, reminder that I ENJOY the obnoxious, thundering goat horns that make up 106% of Supergirl’s ‘musical’ appeal and the CHEESIER-than-GOUDA vidclip and especially i LooOOoOOOve the backstory of them having to ADD IN THE EXCLAMATION POINT IN THE TITLE DUE TO A WONDER WOMAN COPYRIGHT CLAIM (<33333333333), but since each of these are done better *by other entries* in the same fucking year, the song takes a MASSIVE backseat to the inevitable spaking it would have deservingly received in Rotterdam. On the scale between genuine like and ironic like, "Supergirl” lands *entirely* on the latter for me.
Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021
ERT already confirmed Stefania for 2021, officially because it was only fair, but probably in large because it’s cheaper to stick with her (after all, Stefania doesn’t even have to fly over to Rotterdam or check into a local hotel since she already lives in the fucking Netherlands, less than an hour’s drive away from Rotterdam).
Whatever, I support it regardless. For all the shittalking I’ve done, I genuinely like Stefania (identifying her song as rubbish shows good instincts, if nothing else) and I absolutely hope she can deliver something genuinely good next year.
Something tells me we’ll see the *exact* same journey “Supergirl” would have had though: A safe qualifier preshow that would have *barely* Demy’d through, to the ire of many. Then, to the shock of Greece and nobody else, it would’ve finished in 21st place with 24 points from Cyprus, 16-20 points from San Marino and about 4-5 from everyone else - so yeah, exactly the same trajectory we’ve seen in the past few contests. Oh well. Show must go on.
FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!!
I’m of two minds here, because on one hand, “Supergirl” absolutely DOES NOT break the mold for Greece in the slightest.
Then again, every year it’s the same doom count until Greece inevitably combust into failure and by god, when Greece melt down they fucking MELT DOWN. Every time something (anything) (everything) doesn’t go according to plan, it’s always accompanied with a spitfire of personal attacks lobbed at anyone who dares prove Greece’s sucktitude (rival entrants, the press, people with functional hearing) and a full batallion of newscasters imprinting disappointment onto the retinae of the Greek public because the singer of choice ~had let the entire nation down~ for like... missing two notes due to a persistent cold. It’s always a wild and wildly entertaining ride... as long as one sticks to observing from the sidelines.
Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.
