part 2 to anything with clark kent!!! maybe reader actually does go missing and superman has to help find her, and she vents to superman. when she gets back to the office, clark kent is weirdly nicer to her!!!!
I was just thinking about a part 2 and damn we are two opposites of the spectrum!! I was thinking like she finally works up the courage to ask him out and he says no…but he does finally notice her and maybe eventually he does like her back. I’d be so down to so thing like this tho, I’m just brainstorming at the moment
But my head is full of poison
And my heart is full of doubt
warnings: heavy angst, bittersweet ending, clark is exposed to red kryptonite and man does he go through it this time
wc: 2k
a/n: okay so I had two ideas for this fic and I thought it would be interesting to write about Clark because while my ass is an avoidant attachment who relates way too much to this song, I enjoy making my favs sad and miserable oops. I hope u enjoy!!
RED ALERT
RED ALERT
Your heart drops as the message flashes across your phone. A warning, a threat. Clark had set up this system a while ago. Well the superman robots did. A way to keep you in the loop with his Supermanly duties and Red alert can only mean one thing.
Clark has been exposed to Red Kryptonite.
As long as you've known Clark you've only seen him under the influence once before. It was…terrifying. The red in his eyes, the way that soft caring voice morphed into something cold and cruel. It had changed him. Down to his very core.
When it finally wore off he had morphed into a puddle of fear and guilt. Apologizing for everything that he said and did and you forgave him in an instant. You knew that Clark wasn't like you and all the baggage that came with it.
He explained that red kryptonite has wildly unpredictable affects on his kind. That each strain is a little different and will alter him in different ways. But he swore that his contact with that red rock would be incredibly rare and he'd do everything he could to make sure what happened would never happen again. And he kept that promise until today.
You aren't mad. More worried. How will this affect him? What will this do to your boyfriend? The dread seeps into your veins as you send texts to Lois to tell her to be on alert. But you don't get very far in your message when a loud crash comes from your bedroom.
"Clark!" You shout as you run into the room.
Eyes wide as you see him crumpled on the ground. His superman suit torn and burned from whatever the hell he was dealing with. The faint glow of red in his eyes make you freeze.
"Clark?" You ask softly, like approaching a baby bird.
Your heart pounding in your chest and he can hear it. He whips his head up, a look you can't quiet describe on his face. You let out a sharp gasp as he appears right in front of you, using his super speed to pin you against the wall. His eyes clouded with black and red as he stares you down.
"I've been craving you all day baby." He purrs as he buries his face in your neck. Kissing the spot that he knows makes you go weak.
"Clark wait-" You say as he wraps his arms around your waist and cuts you off with a kiss.
This kiss is so unlike Clark. It's rough and messy and desperate. Clark normally kisses with care and a certain restraint. Though you have to admit he's making your head spin with this intensity. But as much as you're enjoying it, he's not in the right frame of mind. He's not your Clark right now.
"Stop." You say firmly and you're a little surprised to see he does. His hands dropping to his side immediately.
"Wh-What did I do wrong?" He asks, lip trembling as he stares at you with the saddest eyes you've ever seen.
"Nothing honey, absoutely nothing but you're not yourself right now." You say cautiously as you see tears well up in his eyes.
"No no I've done something wrong. I went and messed it all up. I'm sorry I can fix it I promise." He starts to pace back and forth. His cape swooshing rapidly behind him.
"I love you so much, I love you I can't…" You watch in shock as tears fall down his face. What has this strain of kryptonite done to him? His voice catching in his throat as he looks at you.
"Baby, you haven't done anything wrong." You reach out to touch him but he flinches.
"No. I. You were scared of me earlier. I saw it, I heard it. I could hear it. You're scared of me." He shouts.
He saw the way you approached him with fear deep in the back of your mind. Unsure of what he'll do or how he'll react. He remembers the way he made you cry the last time he was infected with red kryptonite. That red rock that is another trace of his home planet. Of his true origins. It hurts him but it's also a part of his life that reminds him that no matter how hard he tries, he will always be an alien.
"I don't want you to be afraid of me. I love you I need you please don't leave me please please." Your heart breaks as Clark falls to his knees.
Looking up at you like you're a god when he's the one from another planet. A violent desperation takes over his whole body as he crawls to you. Hands reaching to grab your waist and pull you close.
"I'm so lonely." He whispers, his grip tightening on your shirt. You stifle a sob as you gently rest your hands on his face.
"I've always been so different and I've tried so hard to blend in. To become like you and your people. I love you and I love metropolis and I love how humans sing and dance and how badly they want connection and how people feed stray dogs and hold the door open and say please and thank you to strangers." He rambles as his tears stain your shirt.
"I love my life with you and at the planet but god I feel so lonely sometimes. I'll never be human to you or the world." You feel a couple tears roll down your face as you kneel down. His head hangs heavy in your hands as you try and get him to look at you.
"That's not true Clark." You say firmly but he doesn't seem to hear you, trapped in the storm of his own mind.
"Yes it is and I'm terrified you'll wake up one day and see it too." He whispers.
"Oh baby." You crumble too his words becoming too much to bear.
"I love you Clark. I love you and that's all that matters."
"And what if that's not enough." He looks up at you. He looks defeated as he reaches out and brushes his thumb across your lips.
"You love me but what happens when I have to miss another date because of who I am? Or an anniversary? Our wedding? What if I miss our kids first day at school or their soccer game and they sit and wait for me but I don't show up because no one else can do what I do?" He can't ignore the call to help and it would only be human for you to give up on him. You may love him but love can only take you so far.
"So we'll figure it out." You try to say but he just he scoffs.
"You don't get it. You'll never get it." He snaps.
"What if one day I get you killed?" He squeezes his eyes shut as the very though makes him sick.
"You won't."
"You don't know that. I watched Lex Luthor put a bullet through an innocent man's head all because he helped me up." His voice chokes up again. He wipes his eyes but the tears aren't giving him any respite.
"What do you think someone would do to my friends? To the love of my life?" He questions and you don't have an answer. Well you don't have an answer Clark would like.
"You die and it's all because of me. Because I wasn't fast enough or because I have to pick between you or the world." He doesn't think he's strong enough to make that decision.
"All of this is so far in the future, we'll take it one step at a time." You don't miss the way he mentioned starting a family or marriage. Things you haven't really talked about yet with Clark.
"I think about the future so much. I build this fantasy in my head and I've never wanted something so badly." He admits.
"I love you. I love you so much it hurts but how much can love carry the burden until it crumbles." You press your forehead against his and hold him as tight as you can. His arms lay limp at his side and it makes your chest tighten.
"I know that you're alien and I know what your duty to the world means. It's part of the reason why I love you so much. I understand and even if I don't I know you and I trust you with every fiber of my being. Please Clark, you have to listen to me." You beg.
Whatever strain of kryptonite this is has completely clouded his mind. Bringing his insecurites bubbling to the surface and exploding all at once. He's never been this raw and vulnerable before and contrary to what he thinks, he's never seemed more human. He pulls your hands off him and stands up, walking over to where he flew through your balcony door.
"You can say it's fine, but one day you'll get sick of it. Sick of me. I didn't ask to be sent to Earth but I chose to be this." He gestures to the symbol on his chest. The crest of the House of El. His blood.
"Clark this is just the kryptonite talking." You try and get up but hiss as a shard of glass from the window digs into your hand.
Blood pools in your hand as you try and pick the glass out of your hand. Yet another sign of your biological differences. He stiffens at the sight of you hurt and kneeling on the floor. A flood of emotions crashing over him again.
"Oh god." He whispers.
His hands reaching out to you but stopping just short. You're hurt because of the glass he created by smashing through your door. He was reckless, careless. Only thinking about himself.
You're hurt because of him.
He hurt you.
"Stop it, I'm so serious Clark you stop that right now." You snap seeing the panic in his eyes. You need him to snap out of it, to just listen to you god dammit.
"But I-"
"Enough! You're scared I get it, so am I. I'm scared that you'll go off one day and never come back. I'm scared that you'll find someone else and I'm scared that one day you'll face an enemy that's too strong even for you." You cry and the tears that fall down your face make send a sharp pain right through Clark's heart.
"But I've never been scared of you. Of what you are. I love you Clark Kent. I love your alien side and your human side. All of it. So please, just come here because I need you." Your voice breaks as you reach out for him.
He tenses his jaw, taking in the scene before him as the red kryptonite slowly starts to leave his system. His hands clench tightly at this side as more insecurities swirl around his head. But you're hurt and you need him and that seems to push through all the noise.
He brushes the debris and glass aside and away from you. He gently wraps his cape around your hand to stop the bleeding. The deep shade of blood blending with the vibrate red of his cape. The one that's supposed to represent hope and everything good.
This exposure has completely wrecked him. What happens when it wears off you don't know. But it breaks your heart to think that he's been carrying this for so long and you won't tell him but the fear that he's right sits deep in your heart.
His head rests in your lap as he holds your hand tightly. He watches as the blood spreads and he lets out a quiet whimper.
"Don't leave me, please please just don't leave. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His whole body shakes as he buries his face in your lap.
"I won't honey, I'm right here." You brush your free hand through his hair. Combing it gently as he cries in your lap.
Summary: Reader is kidnapped one afternoon by one of Lex Luthor's cronies. All because of his obsession with finding Superman.Reader finds out Clark is Superman
Warnings: kidnapping, angst
You heaved the last of the trash to the dumpster, letting out a exasperating sigh. You threw out your gloves and zipped up your coat continuing your closing duties.
When you finished you turned around to lock the door and walked towards your usual bus stop.
You messaged Clark told him you were on your way home. A man walked past you smoking his cigar that had an awful amount of smoke around him. You covered your mouth so you didn't breathe too much of it in….or so you thought.
You got dizzy from the stench, started to cough and then you passed out. The stranger put out his pipe. Pulled out his phone and started to call someone. Soon a van pulled up and the stranger and a few others carried you into the van and drove away.
Few hours later….
You started to stir, your vision was blurry. You tried to move your hands but you couldn't for some reason. You tried the same for your feet but that didn't help either. Your heart rate picked up and you started panic.
Where were you? What happened? & Why can't you move?
No one else was in the room besides a man on the other side. He was bald like an egg and dressed professionally. He turned around with a mug in his hand.
"Your finally awake." He told calmly.
Your eyes darted around the room. You could see Metropolis through the tall glass windows in all its glory, the sun had just went down and the city twinkled with lights. It would have been pretty if you weren't being held captive right now.
The man walked towards you slowly he looked familiar somehow. Your brow furrowed and you looked around trying to piece together who it was. Your eyes landed on his mug LexCorp. You felt an instant shock of panic.
"You're…Lex Luthor, your on every screen in the city besides Superman."
Lex's eye twitched at your last words. But you didn't see it.
"I am and you are….Clark Kent's girlfriend."
"What does Clark have to do with you kidnapping me?" You asked. Trying to move against the restraints but failing miserably.
Lex moved even closer still sipping his tea.
"It's easy…Clark Kent is the reporter that interviews Superman all the time. Maybe their even friends outside of work."
"And if they are I can you use as a trap, what will Clark do when you don't return home? Call Superman perhaps? I'm betting on it." Lex smiled evilly.
A chill ran down your spine. Lex finished his coffee and walked towards the door. Leaving you alone.
Clark told you about LuthorCorp once when he did an article with Lois. He was a suspicious rich guy that had it out for Superman like an obsession with trying to kill him. He had never succeeded.
Luthor probably could keep you here for hours if not days, so you tried to remember anything Clark even mentioned about Superman that would help you out of this.
You closed your eyes to think about the one time Clark told you about how he calls him. You took a few deep breaths in and out, in and out then you screamed as loud and as long as your stomach would let you. You hoped that Superman heard you.
Clark lifted his phone to his ear to call you he didn't get the usual "I'm home now." Text from you that you always sent if you had to close that night. He instantly dropped his phone when he heard screaming.
He knew that sound anywhere. He ran up the stairs of his apartment building stripping off his clothes reveling his suit and flew off across the sky like a lighting strike.
You were in trouble and he was going to make someone pay for that.
One of lex cronies tried to get you to drink some water out of a cup, you didn't trust it was water so you didn't bite.
"If it was poison you'd be dead by now."
You looked out through the windows again and saw a flash of red you grinned at the floor.
"What are you--?"
Suddenly there was a sound of rounds of gunshots all aiming for whatever was flying across the sky it kept missing its target.
"AIM BETTER, ITS JUST A DOG!!" you heard lex shout.
In the blink of an eye all the windows shattered and Superman was in the room. His hair fell perfectly on his face despite the frayed edges to his suit.
"I'm going to snap these off and we're get you out of here, ma'am."
You just sighed in relief as Superman crushed the restraints with just his hands. He then grabbed you carefully and took off back through the window.
You held on tightly to Superman. But realized how he held you, only one person knew how to hold you to avoid too much pressure on your back since you hurt it ages ago, Clark.
You had a massive realization. The man flying you through the sky right now was Clark.
Your lips trembled and tears went down your face.
"Ma'am….are you ok?" Superman asked.
"Just take me home…Clark." you mumbled.
Superman looked down instantly. You looked tired and worn out he opened and closed his mouth but said nothing. Landing at your front door.
"Honey, I…" Clark started.
"Your…Superman?" You disclosed. Tears were going down your face rapidly.
Clark shook his head. "Yes, I am…I wanted to tell you months ago…but dangerous people were after me and I didn't want you to be in danger too!" Clark pleaded to you.
You wiped your tears on your sleeves. Your blood boiled, you felt hurt so you started shouting.
"Y-YOU LIED!" Your voice cracked.
Those two words made Clark pause. He went to reach for your arm and you stepped back away from him. Shaking your head no.
"Get…away…from me." You seethed.
"Honey…" Superman cried out for you.
You picked up one of the soft decorations you'd put out for the holidays and threw it at him. Your eyes were bloodshot red, Tears were soaking your brown skin now onto your jacket in streams.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GETOUT!!!" you screamed frantically at the brightly caped hero.
Superman was crying too his tears landed on his suit as he floated away into the night.
You fumbled with your keys to get them in the door but once you finally got your door open you slid inside sliding down the wall in a fit of sobs the stress of the day taking you over.
Days later somewhere in Metropolis…
The apartment was dark no lights were on the space littered with shoes, and clothes strewn about every which way. Papers were on the floor, it didn't look like it was cleaned in days. The tv was off, the radio was off. A vibrating noise was on the kitchen counter.
Clark had multiple missed calls from his coworkers. And messages that rolled on into days missed.
Jimmy: Where are you?
Lois: Clark? You haven't been at work in days what's going on?
Thousands upon thousands of miles away in the artic sat a magnificent spike fortress inside was a man crying his eyes out.
He knows he messed up big time. And possibly, no defiantly lost the woman he loved in the process. All because he was scared.
He laied on floor in tears looking up at the ice of the fortress eyes blurry from tears it looked like even the walls were crying. Superman rolled over into a ball sniffing and cried some more. While the icy wind blew outside.
Update on Losing you! Will be published on Wednesday at 6pm pst! The anticipation and comments were so crazy, and I hope you guys are all excited for it! Fellow thanks to @kryptidfiles for lending a hand to beta read a bit on it when I needed it the most🥹💗
If you still want to be on the taglist for December, feel free to let me know!!
Thank you for the love with Part 4 of The Birth on Urgency!
Any chit chats about it? What you like about it? Any questions about reader and Clark? Background info? One more part to go, loved it so much and felt so connected with readers pain I would love to talk about it with yall more! 🥺
SUMMARY: It was the fourth time he'd stood you up to go save Metropolis, and the last.
warnings: ANGST, major character death, no comfort, graphic description of death and aftermath, suicidal ideation, alcohol and excessive drinking, literally nobody is happy in this, haunting the narrative, the world moves on and clark has to follow
word count: 3k
an: i'm soooo sorry this took so long to release! i was planning on having this released about a week and a bit ago but the flu managed to kick me on my ass. i hope you all enjoy! <3
taglist: @rayaofstarlight
it had been three months.
people still looked at him funny, and clark hated it.; the sympathetic glances shot his way when people thought he wasn't looking, the hushed whispers from lois and jimmy that he could hear from across the bullpen. a sick, nauseating feeling curled itself disgustingly in the pit of his stomach when people would give him a pat on the shoulder with small encouraging words
'we're always here for you, clark.'
'we miss her too, clark.'
'be kind to yourself.'
everytime he would force a grim smile, whatever may've been in his hands would crack and shatter into tiny pieces.
how could he ever be kind to himself when he was the cause for your death?
~~~
"this is clark kent! i can't come to the phone right now but if you leave you're name and p-" you sighed tiredly, clicking your phone off and putting it back into your clutch
"ma'am?" the waiter bustled over, his smile small and tight as he looked at your defeated expression
"just the cheque please" you whispered as you absentmindedly let your finger run over the rim of the half-drunk red wine glass
"don't worry about it, on the house" you glanced up and nodded as you silently stood and gathered your belongings from where they were hung on the back of your chair
the cool air of metropolis autumn hit your face like a cold slap as you made your way back to your small apartment.
you were upset. that was the best way you could word your feelings as you fished out your phone and began dialling clarks number. for the last time
"this is clark kent! i can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and phone number after the tone i'll get back to you as soon as possible, thanks!"
"hey clark, just wanted to let you know not to bother going to giovanni's. please text me as soon as you get this message. i love you, be safe-" you were entirely unaware of the panicked screams until you clicked your phone off. for the last time. and looked up too late, at the building that crashed over you.
the justice gang were in downtown metropolis fighting a villain still unknown to them when they saw it protrude its disgusting arm and aim it to the south.
they watched helplessly as a building not even five hundred metres from where they were topple to the ground, dust and debris covering the air thickly.
clark and mr terrific left quickly to the crashsite whilst the others stayed to neutralise the villain.
first responders were beginning to arrive and tape off the accident. a large crowd forming as mr terrific used one of his t-spheres to survey the accident for any casualties
clark was in the middle of a discussion with the chief of the metropolis police force, the stern voice of the middle-aged gruff man slowly tuned out like white noise as he used his x-ray vision to look through the rubble for what the creature had shot at the building, when his gaze stopped suddenly.
and in that moment it was like all the air had been punched from his lungs. he didn't even bother with excusing himself, instead running into the accident zone, his hands frantic as he pushed the concrete structure away until he finally saw it with his own eyes.
you.
once bright and bubbly. always showing up to work with a smile on your face, balancing way too many coffee trays.
you, who would always get along with everyone;
eyes warm and soft as you would chat to cat about the latest celebrity gossip.
head tipped back in laughter as you and jimmy joke until your stomach hurt.
expression steeled as lois would look over your latest article, occasionally giving out pointers on what you could add.
tip of your pencil set softly in between your teeth as steve would explain the results of the most recent loss of the metropolis meteors against the gotham knights.
and you, who would look at clark like he hung the moon, hanging onto his every word. who he got to cuddle up to with a box of takeout scattered on the coffee table of his apartment as he huffed about his most recent fight against lex.
you, who was completely unrecognisable. limbs completely detached and bent in awkward positions. skull caved in and torso flattened against the weight of rebar and concrete.
a disgusting mess of blood and gore.
but it was you.
and he couldn't even hold you.
"superman." his watery eyes turned upwards at the voice; the firefighters expression pale with nausea "we need to remove any casualties."
"i-" he nodded stiffly, slowly moving away to allow the small crew of firefighters to pick up the pieces of you
a hand pressed to his shoulder and he already knew who it was.
"go home, clark.." the voice was quiet enough so nobody picked up on the name drop
he disappeared into the sky moments later.
~~~~
"ent...kent!" he shook himself of those thoughts and glanced up in the direction of Perry who stood at the edge of his desk with a neutral expression
"yes perry?" even the words hurt to say, like someone had punched them directly from his chest
"the latest piece you handed in was terrible. most of what was written was completely unintelligible and riddled with spelling mistakes, not to mention the grammatical errors." clark nodded wordlessly "and you're coming in a lot later than usual in attire which is not to the daily planet standard-"
"enough!" clark yelled with enough force that the bullpen turned into a hush silence as the singular word bounced off the walls
"ken-"
"i said enough!" the sudden force from which he stood sent his desk chair flying back. nothing but red coloured his vision as his hands flew into a blind rage, sending everything sitting on his desk into a messy, shattered heap on the linoleum floor
so much grief
"she's gone and it was all my fault! i-if i wasn't running late for our date s-she wouldn't have been-" his legs on unsteady weight as he stumbled until a strong pair of arms gripped his and he was pulled into their embrace
"i know, son. i know" perry whispered, clarks shoulders racked with sobs as he collapsed into the older mans grasp
"i-i can't do this without her" he cried as he felt more tears stream down his burning cheeks
"clark-" but the words fell on deaf ears as clark stood suddenly and rushed out of the bullpen and into the elevator "lois. jimmy." perrys words were quick and stern as the pair quickly rushed over to their boss "go to him. he cannot be left alone right now"
"yes sir" lois said, her grip on jimmys arm tight as they ran to follow clark
but it was too late.
by the time they'd reached the rooftop of the daily planet, clark had already disappeared.
where? they didn't know.
~~~~~
kara found him slumped on a stool at the dingy bar of a red-sun planet. eyes red-rimmed as he lazily called over the bartender, a crinkled piece of newspaper gripped tightly in his other hand
"anotherrrrr" his words slurred as the alien poured another glass of brown liquid which quickly disappeared as soon as the glass was within his reach
the liquid burned his throat uncomfortably, eyes squinting and nostrils flaring at the disgusting smell that permeated the room.
booze? bo? sex? he didn't know- nor did he really care.
"anotherrrrrrrr" the bartender rolled their eyes as clark waved the glass around in his inebriated state
"kal." kara said, putting the glass down and forcing clark to look at her
"heyyyyyy cuzzzzzz" clark exclaimed, eyes lighting up in recognition as he threw his arms around her
"kal!" she said a little more firmly, "what're you doing here?"
"pshhhh" he waved her off "can't a guy get a drink?" but then he fell silent for a moment before adding, "y/n never liked when people drank to excess" he stole the glass from kara, downing it in one, "said it bought out the worst in people"
"then why are you doing it?" she asked softly while pulling out another seat and sitting beside clark
"i dunno" he shrugged "'s nice i guess."
"kal."
"welll whaddya want me to say?" he exclaims "that i drink to stop the pain? well fine! i do it because i don't know how else do deal with it"
"this is not the way to deal with it."
"says you"
"yeah exactly, says me. you need to stop, this is not what she would've wante-"
"don't talk about her like you know her! you don't" she finally looked at the newspaper which had now been slammed down onto the counter
PULITZER PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST DEAD
she snatched it away from him "you're torturing yourself."
"i deserve to. i'm the reason she-"
"you're not" her grip on his shoulder tight and he winces slightly "did you cause the building to fall? many people died that day, are you saying you're responsible for all of their deaths?"
"as superman i'm responsible for every preventable death that has ever occurred during my time saving the world."
"you talk as if you're god. you're not, you're kal-el- clark kent- whatever. you're as human as any of them. do not punish yourself for something you would not have been able to prevent."
"i miss her, kara"
"you love her."
"i do." he whispers
she stands from her seat and pulls him into a crushing hug "grief surrounds us all the time, and it hurts everytime you remember it...i know that from experience" she mutters the last part softly "you cannot carry this burden alone. this is my advice for you."
~~~~
kansas was unusually warm for autumn as clark landed in the fields of his parents farm with an unceremonious thump.
he was still drunk.
"clark!" the words were distant and he mumbled something incoherent as a group of hands grabbed and hauled him up to his feet "oh my darling boy.." ma kents words were soft as she looked at him
"mama." he wanted to say more but his body betrayed him, lurching forwards as he deposited the contents of his stomach into the wheat
he doesn't remember much after that. mostly just him being dragged through the endless fields and into the modest farmhouse. it was a difficult process, even with the remnants of the red planet still clinging to him he knew he was practically dead weight.
~~~
the early morning light peeking through his curtains is what made his eyes flutter open. the thumping headache went away as soon as it began, so did the sudden onslaught of nausea.
empty.
he sat up slowly, surveying the room and spotted lois and jimmy huddled in a blanket at the far end of his room "guys?"
their eyes snapped open at his rasped words and they sat up quickly, rushing over to him
"clark" lois whispered, throwing her whole weight against him, "where were you?"
"some red sun planet, dunno the name of it- can't remember"
"we really worried about you, man. came here as soon as you disappeared off the rooftop" jimmy explained
"i-"
"you were gone for days, clark. we thought you left forever or-" lois caught herself quickly before she could finish the sentence
"or that i'd gone to kill myself." he said
"yeah"
he mulled over his thoughts quietly. he could hear the birds chirping in the trees he helped plant with his dad when he was a boy, the sound of cows grazing at the grass patches. and his parents shuffling downstairs, ma at the kitchen stove cracking eggs over a frying pan, and pa shuffling his boots on to head outside
"thought about it" he finally murmured, his gaze downturned to the knitted blanket strewn over his lap, refusing to look at his best friends expressions, "thought about breaking into luthors lab and stealing the kryptonite stashed there"
"but you didn't." jimmy says
"no."
"what stopped you- ow!" jimmy shot a harsh glance at lois who'd elbowed him in the ribs "what?!"
"i don't know why i didn't do it"
"and you shouldn't" lois said "never."
he shrugged his shoulders in response; "don't know how i can live without her"
silence before jimmy finally pipes up, still rubbing the spot on his ribs, "because this is not what she would've wanted. she would want you to succeed, even if she would never witness it"
"can't."
"yes. you can" lois says with such certainty that clark almost believed her "because you are clark kent. bravest man in the world who has the power to bring all leaders into a room to fix their shit and leave with peace.. though your journalistic skills are su- ow?! i did not hit you that hard!" she squealed mid-sentence, pressing against the spot on her ribs that have been jabbed by jimmy
he pushed himself off the edge of his bed, interrupting the bickering match between the two and waving off lois and jimmys' insistence that he go back to bed to rest. instead, he headed towards the kitchen
"morning hun" marthas' voice felt like a soothing balm against an irritated burn and he felt himself visibly and mentally relax at just her presence alone "how're you this morning?"
he just shook his head.
not ready to talk yet.
and she understood, instead, turning her attention back to the stovetop and piling on the eggs and hash-browns onto an old ceramic plate.
he remembered making that during his kindergarten years; a terribly drawn family of stick figures that were meant to resemble him and his parents, and, a backdrop of what was an attempt at green grass and blue skies to mimic their farm, instead looked more like a beach; which he had yet to even see by that point.
but his ma and pa loved it anyway; only ever bringing out once in a blue moon. always placed carefully right at the back of the cupboard.
"your friends are real nice. lois and jimmy" martha said after gently placing the plate down, along with some cutlery
"yeah, they are"
"tried moving them to the guest bedroom for somewhere more comfortable to sleep, but they refused. insisted that they wouldn't leave your side for even a moment. hard to find people like that nowadays" she explained softly, "never felt that kind of care from our friends and neighbours when your pa had his first heart attack"
care.
they truly cared for him?
"mornin kids!" martha piped up, clark half-turned to notice jimmy and lois hesitantly stepping into view, almost nervous that they might've walked into something they shouldn't hear
"we're not interrupting, are we?" lois asked, foot pressing on a nasty old piece of wood that creaked in response
"not at all, come on in! we got eggs, hashbrowns and i'm almost done with the pancakes. please, choose what you'd like" martha was pulling down extra plates and cutlery, shoving them into clarks grip "come on clark, set 'em up"
he placed one each beside his, lining up the knives and forks in a way that his ma had taught him when he was a toddler.
like how you had done when you would set up the table in your small apartment for home-cooked meals.
another wave of tears pricked at the corner of his eyes which were quickly covered by his hands.
"clark? honey whats the matter" eggs forgotten on the stove, three pairs of hands all rushed to soothe him in any way possible
"its all the same but so so wrong"
"what's wrong?" lois asks, her hand rubbing small circles on his back
"s-she always set her cutlery like this"
"oh honey..."
"ma, i don't know what i'm going to do" clarks buried his face into her flannel top, wiping snot all over the fabric but she didn't care
martha, ever the one with wise words, held her son in stunned silence, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
she didn't know what to say.
"son!" they turned to the sound of pa kents voice "need ya in here real quick" once in the lounge room pa turned the volume on the small tv up for everyone to hear
"-we don't know where this creature came from-" clark listened silently, brows furrowed as he listened to the news anchor
"i need to go" he finally said
"clark-"
"no."
"but-"
"no." he said a little firmer "i need to go."
~~~~
the justice gang were in a tight circle, muttering something that clark couldn't yet understand without context
"clark." guy exclaimed, surprise colouring his tone at the sight of the kanas farmboy standing there "what're you doing here?"
"i need to be here."
"but what about-" metamorpho says
"it's what she would've wanted" clark interrupts "i need to do this. for her"
they all nodded silently, watching the young superhero, with the whole weight of the world on his shoulders march towards a slumped pair of red boots
once ready, he turned to the rest of the group, who had not moved an inch since his arrival "where are we headed to?"
"downtown gotham" mr terrific says "seems like the vigilante who calls himself 'batman' is in need of assistance"
"no time to waste" hawkgirl mutters, plucking a stray piece of fabric from her shoulder-pad and flicking it off
the group of them began to file out silently when clark paused
"i'll catch up with you guys in a sec" clark said and the team nodded and left clark in the now deafeningly quiet space. his gaze goes downturned to his desk, eyes softening as he picks up the cracked picture frame that lois and jimmy had spent hours agonizing over. a wobbly smile cracks his features
you smiled back at him, sunlight glowing behind your silhouette, he remembers that day fondly "i do this for you, my love."
the doors to the hall of justice closed with a quiet thump, the team, with now five members disappeared into the skyline.
the sun dipped below the horizon, golden rays shimmering in through the windows as it's rays shone over the picture of you.
