I’m not sure that I’m supposed to have gone through all the hurt and loss I have in my life. I know that it has fueled my every thought, action and intent. I’ve been on my own pretty much since I was 14 or 15. Self sufficiency is a major part of my make up. With the affliction or disease that I have self sufficientc is the worst thing to be. God doesn’t want us miserable. I can’t avoid manufacturing my own misery relying on myself. My power must come from something bigger than me. All the things I’ve endured are not an excuse and I’m not a victim. I volunteered for all my misery. It’s no longer an excuse. When the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain to change, I’ll change. I’m empty no fight left. When your flat of your back there is only one way to look.