Most of my self-portraits lately are these deeply pleasing scribbled things with little notes with thoughts lingering on my mind, or just a basic "check-in", like pictured. And I find that my art style has been simplifying as I have finally eased into drawing (almost) daily again. It has been a long, long time since I have enjoyed art in the way that I have been in recent time.
I have been in deep contemplation, but that much is fairly obvious. Restructuring your entire life after 4 years of non-stop, back-to-back events to grieve is - as I have finally managed to convince myself - incredibly normal, and I have been needing to create a new foundation to stand myself on to reclaim the semblance of self-worth that I presently have.
I am full of gratitude because life tastes so good and sweet, but the weight of one's past can be such a heavy burden to shoulder. The events of your past color the lens through which you filter your perception of your present and your imagined future. All that to say: I never was allowed to have a soft heart growing up, and now my heart is revealed to be so tender I'm certain it would ooze out from my ribcage, should one cut me open. To have that tenderness repeatedly taken advantage of, manipulated, beaten, twisted out-of-context to suit a narrative - there is a kind of soul-weariness that can't be erased from these experiences. I suppose, for me, this might be why I am an artist (I am finally relaxing into this identity), so that these intense emotions can be alchemized.
Anyway - long story short: I suppose my job has been exploring this tenderness and the dark space it lives, coaxing it out to play with me. The art I am presently making is so very personal to me and I am excited to say I will be sharing soon. There is some excitement and definitely some nervousness, but I think they're so super lovely and I am so looking forward to sharing more. Thanks for reading! 💜
