I sometimes believe that it is not clear how much I actually value my friends. I understand that sometimes I can isolate myself and I can babble embarrassingly over getting upset by simple things and it hurts me that my brain seems to make me believe that these are the reasons my friends may want nothing to do with me.
I find it difficult at times to come to terms with the fact that my friends do want me around; that they understand I’m dealing with some bad mental health issues and how that can askew my behavior at times.
I just don’t want them to feel bad because of me and that they understand that even when I’m getting upset over stupid, simple things that I do love and appreciate them regardless and that I feel really pathetic afterwards.
Just.
I don’t know where I would be without Lottie checking up on me now and again, asking me out into social situations to break me free of my self isolation and anxiety that comes with that. The fact that we have this nigh unbreakable bond is incredibly important to me
And my sweet Hippo, who would drop everything to make sure that I was getting into a good head-space and how she constantly assures me that although things are not ok now, they will be in the end.
Then there are the lovely friends I made through Rping.
My lovely Edlyn who continues to shout and chant words of optimism at me every day like “YOU’RE A GREAT WRITER STEGO! I BELIEVE O 7O” and always reminds me that I am talented and I can make what I want to happen, happen.
And Tori who is someone I can always come to whenever I feel like a bag of garbage. The minute I show signs of needing to vent; they are there telling me to let it all out and I appreciate that so much. Just thank you for existing.
Sidney as well, even though we don’t talk as much it means a lot to me that you have my back. And I’ll have yours. I’m really happy that I know you because you are one cool as heck dude.
Daf, Lisle, Klaus and Sushi are super important to me too just with the ways they will pick me up when I’m sad and can understand that sometimes I can get really unresponsive and cold and that they’ll be my friends regardless of that and I love all them so dearly.
This turned into a mushy mess but I guess this doubles up as a formal apology to my friends? I know I seem to have this unpredictable personality but I’ll always love you guys no matter what kind of situation I’m in.
