Small Chances
Pairing : Suwa Yusaku / Oharano Etsugo
Rating : T
Words : 4836
AO3 : Here
It's the little things that matter. The little things that will change your life.
It's always the little things that lead to the person you resented to kiss you goodbye after practice every night.
A/N : Starts immediately after Oharano and Suwa's conversation in Ep 22!Also, I always listen to classical when I write. This one came up on Spotify and I just felt like it fit in a weird way? So enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I0STwdBEcM
Small instances can’t change your life.
They aren’t significant enough. Powerful enough. Meaningful enough to have a long term impact beyond the five minutes that it lasted.
You’ll forget about it by tomorrow, return to your same old routine.
Just like nothing happened.
Because really, did anything happen if no one but you remembers it by the next week?
That was what Suwa had always thought, because small chances had never worked out for him in the past.
Sure, he passed that test.
However, he guessed at half of the answers.
Yeah, he made a play that helped score their team a goal.
But…he’d never practiced that before, so he’d probably never be able to do it again.
It was all just luck when something went his way.
A fluke, as far as Suwa was concerned.
He worked too hard, pushed himself too much for just one grand moment under the sun.
He wasn’t interested in chance happenings or small strokes of luck.
He wanted consistency. Steady growth. Not things that turned around for him on a dime.
But, if that was what he wanted, why was he letting Oharano’s words affect him like this? Causing him to run around in the dark like an idiot, as if a 30 minute jog in the middle of the night would change anything, when years of hard work hadn’t provided any noticeable outcomes that he could be satisfied with.
Oharano’s unexpected words of advice (if you could really even call them that) made him feel warm.
Heard.
Understood for the first time in a long while.
It gave him hope that maybe, he would make progress that he could be happy with one day.
But somehow, Suwa knew those words weren’t really meant for him. All of the niceties were just things Oharano really wanted to say to his brother. Or maybe had already said to his brother before. It most likely wasn’t out of any real concern for Suwa and his troubles.
But still. He had felt that maybe, on some level Oharano had heard him.
Suwa had always been “good enough”.
Good enough in school for his parents to not be angry.
Good enough at sports that he was able to stay on the team, and usually got to play, despite not being a superstar.
Good enough at life that most people thought he had no room to complain just because he did good enough.
Never before did someone seem to understand the way that he felt, that what was good enough for everyone else wasn’t good enough for him. Never before did someone try to pick him up… try to show him someone like him who was more than amazing. Not once in what felt like his entire life, did anyone ever try to make him believe that he could be more than good enough.
It was only a moment.
But the ten minute conversation with Oharano had felt so…significant.
It was done.
Over.
Oharano would be back to the same old pouting, complaining little kouhai that he always was tomorrow. As soon as he opened his eyes, life would be back to normal. Their conversation never happened. Training camp resumes. He works as hard as he ever has. He stays the same.
Everything stays the same.
But what if he was wrong?
What if he was completely mistaken, just as he had been mistaken about Oharano?
Mistaken about some of his other teammates that he’d never grow the shame to actually apologize to.
Oharano had been nothing like he had expected. He had a lot more passion under that bored face that he had never led on to before. He cared just as much as anyone else, despite how much he claimed not to.
He had actually been nice to talk to, which had been completely unexpected. Suwa had never exactly…fit in with most of his teammates. They got along just fine with a few exceptions, but he never really had anyone to stick with. No one to rely on in practice. No one to hang out with after school. Sure, he tagged along sometimes when they offered and obligatory invitation.
However, it never really felt genuine.
It never felt like he really belonged.
Suwa considered for a moment that maybe he had finally found someone on the same wavelength as him. Maybe… he had found someone that could be a friend, and would understand him when he was feeling discouraged or run down when nothing seemed to be going right.
Maybe he had given up too early, accepted that things would always be the same for him without even really trying to fix what he was unhappy with.
Or maybe, he was just letting himself get caught up in his own head. Letting little things turn into big things without even meaning to.
He liked what Oharano had to say. That was all. Suwa had struck a nerve, made him show a tiny bit of passion for once. He’d be lucky to get the same response out of him twice, or one with even half as much vigor.
Better to accept things as they are. Everyone else is growing and changing around him, though their personalities stay the same.
Suwa remains the same in every aspect, unchanging as the dirt trail he picked to run on this year. And last year. And will probably pick again next year.
It will stay the same, even after the wind erases any trace of his footprints in the dust.
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He sat beside him during breakfast.
During their morning meeting.
Never saying a word, bored expression plastered on his face as always.
Suwa barely acknowledged him when he came in, a small nod to go with his own sleepy look as he tried not to doze off listening to their coach talk about their plans for the day.
It felt like any other day. Any other team meeting and yet.
It was different.
It was different because Oharano was sitting right beside him. Not like that was such a weird thing. Or like something was inherently off about that fact.
It was just different.
Oharano normally sat with the other first years, usually to the back of their group, playing on his phone as he rolled his eyes at some idiotic thing his classmates thought of.
Suwa remembers that position. It was one he often took last year, before he finally got comfortable around his teammates to engage with them.
Oharano sighed, rolling his eyes when told he wasn’t going to start today, but would get put in at the second half of the game. He made a snarky comment about wishing he didn’t have to play at all to no one in particular, but Suwa felt like it was for him.
It wasn’t as if there had been a complete overhaul in Oharano’s attitude. Or in the way he reacted to the people around him. It wasn’t as if he was that much different to Suwa even, other than the fact that a certain amount of Oharano’s snark was no longer directed at him.
Oharano didn’t push him away when he sat down beside him at dinner.
Didn’t give more than a noncommittal groan when Suwa interrupted him from his manga to ask him a few questions about the video they watched together the night before.
He didn’t seem excited by Suwa’s presence. Not by any means.
But he didn’t make him leave either, which is what Suwa expected to happen.
Suwa figured that he had many misconceptions about Oharano that would probably end up being false, if by chance he ever learned anything about him.
One thing Suwa discovered after sitting down on the mat beside Oharano’s was that he really didn’t like to speak out loud for too long. He was one who really only ever spoke when there was a purpose, when he felt he really needed to. He definitely wasn’t one to talk just to listen to himself speak.
“Here.”
Holding out his hand expectantly, Oharano pressed his unlocked phone into Suwa’s hand and waited. When Suwa held on to it, confused, until the screen went black, Oharano rolled his eyes before snatching it back and unlocking it again.
“Give me your number so I can send you mine. That way, if you have any more questions you don’t have to physically walk across the room and bug me every time you need something.”
Suwa hesitated, before typing in his number and handing the phone back. Oharano quickly sent off a message to Suwa’s inbox, as evidenced by the telltale ping from his phone plugged into the wall.
“Are you sure you don’t mind? If you don’t want to help me, I won’t bother you.”
“Of course I mind. But I’d rather you just text me your questions rather than being bombarded while I’m trying to read.”
Suwa nodded and tried not to smile. He hoisted himself off the ground to grab his phone, shaking his head at the single peace sign Oharano had sent to share his number.
Suwa saved it, with just his name and no picture, half-heartedly promising himself he would only use it if he really had a need.
He didn’t want to overstep the boundary of his new odd little kinship with his kouhai.
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Oharano didn’t mind.
At least he never acted like he did (unless Suwa sent him a message after 10:00 at night).
But more often than not, it was Oharano who contacted him first.
It started with more videos of the player Oharano said he should be like complete with instructions for what he should try to do himself. Little tips and tricks that made Suwa realize that Oharano did know a lot more than he let on most of the time, and that he actually worked harder than Suwa ever believed. It was strange at first being given instruction on something by his underclassman.
Strange indeed, but not unwelcome.
The instruction wasn’t even the strange part, but the fact that Oharano felt it in himself to help Suwa without being sought out first.
Oharano wasn’t even rude about it, but genuinely helpful. Often with critiques like “You did this in practice, next time try this” or “This player moves like you, try to copy him”.
Brief, confident instructions that made Suwa believe that he really could do what Oharano told him to do.
It actually felt like it made a difference in his play during practice.
And when he did something well, and well consistently, he could expect a text message of “good job, senpai” on his walk home after practice.
The compliments lead to conversations, and the conversations lead to Suwa learning more about Oharano than he ever thought he would. He also ended up sharing more about himself than he has with any other member of their team.
They really had more similarities than Suwa could’ve imagined.
They were both big brothers. Oharano had his little brother, and he had his sister. They were even about the same age, though they went to different schools. Suwa’s sister was even just a year older than Oharano’s brother, just like the pair of them were.
They were both born in April. That was really nothing more than a coincidence, but still, it was something.
They both hated watching movies in the theatre, because it wasn’t socially appropriate to lay down and sitting up straight for 2 or more hours was a pain.
They both have the same taste in manga, and will argue for hours on end about how they think a series should have ended.
They both like to argue (but really, that was a given) and the banter between them always ended with a lighthearted, dry joke.
They both preferred summer to winter, even if they consistently got burnt to a crisp when they forgot sunscreen.
They were both closer to their mothers than their fathers….though that was no fault of their dads.
When it got too personal, they tried to change the course of the conversation with a comment or a joke that would not have been a joke to anyone but them. Even their sense of humor was the same. Dry, sometimes a little morbid. Suwa was sure that one day he would catch them both giggling when they see someone fall down in front of them.
It was a new experience for him, having someone to talk to whenever he wanted. Of course, he had the numbers of all of his teammates and many classmates as well, be he doubted it would be welcome for him to try and strike up a conversation out of the blue.
He doubted he’d get a response from many of them.
Oharano never ignored him.
Suwa found that he quite liked talking to him.
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What’s changed?
Nothing really.
Today is the same as yesterday, and yesterday is the same as the day before that.
Even then, he can remember a time when Oharano didn’t walk home with him from school.
They lived closer to each other than they originally thought, so it was easy to take the route home together. Sometimes, Oharano would walk with him when it was time to pick his little sister up from her dance class once a week.
He didn’t have to, but Suwa asked if he would.
A shrug, a nod, and a walk together past the corner where they normally went their separate ways, and they were off to pick up the little ballerina.
Oharano was much more relaxed when the other guys weren’t around. Suwa could tell, just from the way Oharano acted at school, versus their quiet walks home together.
Oharano had taken to eating lunch with Suwa in his classroom, despite the odd looks he got from the other second years. He was fairly quiet, even with Suwa sitting right next to him. He checked things on his phone, as he always seemed to do, turning it around to Suwa occasionally to show him something of interest. Suwa always wondered who he could be messaging at all hours of the day, considering his number one conversation piece and little brother didn’t have access to his phone at school.
Even though it was silly, Suwa almost felt jealous at the fact that Oharano couldn’t put his phone away when he was sitting on the opposite side of the table. It really was quite ridiculous, but Suwa couldn’t help but have the tight feeling of discontent settle in his stomach when the person he was sharing his one bit of free time with looked more interested in a tiny screen than him.
Their walks home were different though. That damnable little device stayed in his pocket until he got a phone call, asking where he was because it was taking him longer than normal to get home. It was a surprise to everyone, especially to Suwa, that Oharano seemed to enjoy his company so much. Maybe he had been telling the truth about not having that many friends. Which didn’t make sense at all, because to Suwa, he was amazing.
They never really talked much, Oharano more reserved by nature and Suwa by a weird nervousness that he couldn’t explain. It wasn’t until they picked up his chatterbox sister from class that they really got into a conversation. About her day, about her class, about anything that came to the front of her little mind. She liked Oharano, and always lit up like then sun when he and Suwa to pick her up from class. She always held both of their hands as they walked down the sidewalk to drop Oharano off, swinging their arms in a perfect rhythm. She even gave Oharano a hug when they said their goodbyes, and giggled to herself when her big brother awkwardly clapped him on the shoulder, stuttering out his own goodbye before they were on their way.
She still had a smile on her face, more devious than playful, as she held on to Suwa’s elbow while they crossed the street. She kept her lips sealed and her eyes shined when Suwa tried to ask her what was up. He sighed and gave up his prompting as she started to hum a tune, swearing he would never understand little girls and their mysteries.
“You like him. Don’t you, big brother?”
Suwa felt his face begin to burn, and choked on his own tongue as he tried to stutter out a counter.
No. He didn’t. Oharano was just his kouhai.
No! Of course not! They were just friends.
Yes, of course he does. You’re supposed to like your friends.
But, he couldn’t fake like he didn’t know what she meant. Of course he knew what she meant. She’d been trying to figure out who he liked since he started high school.
Her knowing smile let him know he had been caught in something he wasn’t even ready to accept himself.
His sister didn’t ask again, apparently satisfied with his response or lack thereof. She darted off, skipping up the steps to their house.
Suwa dragged his feet until he got to his bedroom, barely acknowledging his mother’s call that dinner would be ready in 30 minutes. Laying down on his bed, phone in hand in case someone (Oharano) tried to contact him, Suwa stared up at the ceiling. He should get started on his homework. Take a shower. Anything other than perseverating on a silly little comment his goofy little sister made.
But he couldn’t help it. What if she was right? He would be somewhat ashamed if she noticed it even before him, but it would make sense.
He had already let Oharano closer to him than any other person. He was a better friend, a better conversation, a better person to stay up thinking about when he couldn’t sleep.
Suwa let out a long sigh and pressed his phone to his forehead. His sister was such a little gremlin sometimes. Sweet as could be, but always making him doubt everything he knows as soon as she gets an idea in her head.
His phone buzzed, and Suwa opened his eyes to see a new message from Oharano. A picture, that made his face feel warm and his chest feel tight.
“This is how Pomekichi decided he wanted to sleep”.
Oharano, wet hair sticking to his forehead after a shower. The bottom half of his face covered by a ball of fur that could only be Oharano’s chubby little dog. Eyes shining in a laugh cut short.
Cute.
Suwa groaned and rolled onto his stomach, pressing his face into his pillows even with his glasses digging into his nose.
He was cute. So damn cute and Suwa hated it because he probably wouldn’t have even had the thought had it not been for his sister.
But he had to face it, even if nothing would come of it. Maybe his sister was right.
Oharano made him feel warm. Included. Understood.
He made him smile.
And lately, he was always there. During school and practice. On his way home in the evening. Sometimes even on the way there.
He ended up at his side much more frequently than Suwa realized.
How has it not always been like this?
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He had expected things to change, after his little revelation. This was no small occurrence. Suwa didn’t expect the weird feeling in his chest to stop anytime soon.
So why weren’t things any different?
Oharano was still there.
Still sarcastic and snarky, but with a point of getting Suwa to laugh, rather than to just be mean.
Suwa wonders if Oharano knows. If he doesn’t, what would he do if he found out?
He hopes they could still be friends. Suwa doesn’t expect much more than that.
It wasn’t until Oharano began spending more time with him after school that Suwa realized that maybe, things were different. Though not in the devastating, heartbreaking way that he anticipated.
Their nights were now spent walking all the way to his house after practice to finish their homework before watching some pro games together. On the weekends, Suwa’s parents always let them stay up until the wee hours of the morning to watch some international games where Oharano’s did not. As a result, they often ended up in Suwa’s bedroom, settled at the end of his bed to watch the TV perched on a shelf above his desk.
Suwa was much more aware of Oharano now that he’s settled in his feelings. It had been a few weeks since his sister made her observation, and she still giggled like a six year old when the pair of them came to pick her up from dance. Suwa’s sworn her to secrecy, because even if he’s accepted himself and the idea that he cares for his friend much more than he should, he still doesn’t know how to handle this situation.
He doesn’t know how to handle Oharano being so close to him in his one private space, crammed together on a bed so small that they can’t help but bump legs each time they make the tinies movement.
He doesn’t know how to handle the moments when Oharano stretches backwards to prop himself up on his hands, rather than leaning forward. He always seems to follow Suwa, and reached back a second after he did. Suwa convinces himself that it’s an accident when Oharano’s hand covers his own. He can’t explain the seconds after when Oharano’s hand lingers instead of being jerked away, or the next few minutes where he can still feel Oharano’s pinky finger pressed against his own.
He definitely doesn’t know how to handle the moments when Oharano seems to move closer, pressing against his side, pushing him farther against the wall in an attempt to give the other boy his space. Oharano seemed to get near to him every time he moved, shifting closer and closer until the match finally ended and they stood up to stretch their legs.
Suwa couldn’t handle the closeness, knowing that it didn’t mean what his heart wanted it to mean. He didn’t want to push Oharano away, because he actually enjoyed the pressure of Oharano’s knee against his thigh, or the way their shoulders bumped when they leaned forward at the same time, trying to watch the fine details of a particularly choice play.
He tried not to get his hopes up. Didn’t want to lead himself down a fruitless path when Oharano was doing nothing wrong.
But he still couldn’t deny the things he saw in Oharano that he had never noticed before.
The sweet smiles that came up not out of sarcasm, but in a genuine expression of happiness and content. Like maybe, he actually wanted to be here, with him.
The way it felt like Oharano was watching him out of the corner of his eye, observing only god knows what, but turned away quickly when he got caught. In his dark room, it almost looked like there was a blush on his cheeks, but Suwa couldn’t quite tell with the way the light from the TV washed out all the color in the room.
Or the way Oharano’s hand lingered on top of his own in a way even Suwa couldn’t ignore or explain. It was almost as if the younger boy was trying to hold his hand.
But that was crazy.
Suwa was crazy.
100% crazy for even imagining that Oharano could feel the same way about him.
He could only cross his fingers in the dark, Oharano’s hip pressed against his as the game they were watching went into the final 10 minutes, praying that Oharano might be just as crazy as he was.
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It happened so fast, Suwa could have convinced himself that it didn’t even happen at all.
Oharano stared down at his feet, twisting the toe of his sneaker against a leaf on the sidewalk.
Suwa was dumbfounded, and probably looked like a huge dumbass with the way his mouth hung open as he tried to fully register what happened.
They had been walking home, and happened to pause at the corner where they normally went their separate ways. They had no real reason to spend the night at each other’s house that evening. Homework was done. No worthwhile matches were scheduled for that evening.
And yet, they lingered. For what purpose, Suwa wasn’t sure, but he didn’t want to leave until Oharano decided it was time to go their separate ways.
Before he could even think to pull back, Oharano was close to him. Closer than he’d ever really been before. Suwa held his breath, closed his eyes, and before he could even register what was happening, it was over.
Apparently, he had waited too long after it happened to give his response, because Oharano was turning away with a huff, ready to storm off to his house and probably to pretend like this had never happened.
Suwa grabbed his arm, stopping him.
“What was that?”
Oharano pressed his lips together, pouting as he looked anywhere but at Suwa’s face. “A kiss.”
Suwa inhaled sharply, his cheeks burning as he tried to suppress a triumphant smile. “Why?”
“Just. Forget it okay? I just thought…just forget it, senpai.” Oharano’s eyes could drill holes into the concrete with how intense his glare looked. Suwa still held his arm, and despite the mean look, he wasn’t shrugged off.
“I’ll forget it…” Suwa squeezed Oharano’s elbow, holding him in place when he tried to jerk away. “If…maybe. We can try it again.”
Oharano lifted his face, gaze incredulous as he attempted to decide if Suwa was teasing him or not. Suwa hoped he didn’t question it, and just gave it a second chance that he could prepare for this time.
However, Oharano had always been faster than him, and all the warning he got was a hand on his shoulder before the younger boy kissed him again.
It was longer than the first one.
Long enough to feel real.
Oharano’s fingers dug into his shoulder as his soft lips slowly kissed him. Suwa knew he was overthinking it, but he was unsure of what exactly he should decide except press back into the kiss. He knew he was probably pushing too hard as he felt his glasses shift while they pressed against Oharano’s cheeks.
All the same, Suwa felt like he was soaring. The kiss was brief, awkward, and earth-shatteringly brilliant all at the same time. Suwa swore his heart was going to beat out of his chest as Oharano pulled back, looking up at him with an expectant pout.
“Well?”
“Well…I think we can work on it.”
But I’m glad you feel the same way.
A shy smile graced Oharano’s face as he turned his face back towards the ground. Suwa released Oharano’s elbow, finding his hand instead as they stood on their isolated little corner until Oharano’s phone started to buzz.
Checking it quickly to see who it was, Oharano sighed. “I should go home.”
Suwa nodded, agreeing that he should probably get going too. Even if he was a bit disappointed that this moment had to end so soon.
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
Oharano pondered the question silently, tapping his phone against his leg as Suwa waited.
“Watching movies at your house, I think.”
Suwa laughed and ran a hand through his hair as Oharano waited for confirmation. “That sounds like a good day.”
With a cheeky smile and a kiss to his cheek, Oharano pulled away, waving lazily as he headed off in the direction of his house. Suwa watched him as he went, still in a daze, before turning off to continue on towards his own home.
Suwa couldn’t believe it.
There was no way it could be real.
But his sweaty palms were definitely real. The pounding in his chest was real. The phantom feeling of Oharano’s lips against his own was as real as it could be.
On his walk home, complete with text message commentary from Oharano, Suwa realized that maybe, some things mattered more than he thought they could.
Every moment up until this point mattered. From his conversation with Oharano at training camp, to every small, seemingly insignificant event that had occurred since.
Life is not a bunch of small isolated incidents.
It’s a whole mess of little things, growing slowly over time, getting better, making everything change.
But it happens so slowly that sometimes, you don’t even notice.
To Suwa, it felt like nothing had even changed at all. But he couldn’t help but thank the small moments that led up to the person he envied becoming the one person he cared about most.
He looked forward to sharing all the little things with Oharano. The games and the lunches and the kisses in between.
Because who knows?
Maybe all those moments could change their lives.
A/N : Thank you for reading! I have so many ships for Oharano, but this one just makes my heart really happy. I hoped you enjoyed it and will take a look at some of my other works for AO!!
Main : @ebumimasaru
