❤; @sweaterquccn / continued
She wasn’t cruel, was she? She had never given him a reason to believe she was, but for half of one extremely painful second, he thought he might have done something to be jerked around. That say still resonated with him; she had told him he would make a great father, words he never thought he would hear but desperately wanted to. Ashley knew now why he woke up sweating and on the verge of panic — that the abuse his father and brothers put him through still haunted him. Being better than his own shit-stain father wasn’t his only reason for wanting children, but it was something he wanted to prove to himself.
No, he didn’t want to think she said those things just to get his hopes up. She wouldn’t have let him put that ring on her finger in the first place if she didn’t feel for him, and he had to believe that this wasn’t meant to hurt him. It did — God, it hurt — but he would be damned if he let this ruin what they had. But the way she crumbled, and that anger burning in her eyes destroyed him.
“Ash. . . No, I wasn’t——” He didn’t want her to apologize. All he wanted was the truth, but the truth he was given wasn’t one he enjoyed hearing.
They were both in a state of panic now, but his was trapped in his chest. He swore the tightness in his chest was going to stop his heart but only after it dropped like a lead ball into the pit that formed in his stomach. This wasn’t the first time he had made her cry, but this different than the panic attacks and tears of joy. This was entirely his fault; it was punishment for letting his immaturity get the better of him.
“I believe you! I’m sorry, I just——!” He got to his knees before her and hoped that groveling might show her how regretful he was. This hadn’t been his intention. He didn’t know. How could he have? She hadn’t told him any of this before now, and it made him feel disgusting that he had even considered her kind words to be part of a joke.
There was nothing either of them could do if it was her body working against her. Sanji wasn’t sure that there was anything he could do to help her now. Would she believe him if he continued to apologize, if he told her that he felt like a jackass and assured her that it wasn’t going to make him any less eager to marry her?
Her shouting made him flinch as if he had been struck, the hands that reached out for her stopping and falling back. Her agonizing scream didn’t help, but he did give him the push he needed to pull carefully at her arms.
“Ashley, please. . . Please.” Come closer. Hold onto him. Anything. He had to know that he hadn’t doomed their marriage before it even happened. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry for being such a dumbass, but if I had known any of that, I wouldn’t have even asked! I get it now. I’m not mad. I promise I’m not mad. When I put that ring on your finger and agreed to marry you, I made a promise to love you no matter what. I wasn’t even asking because I want kids now! Neither of us can afford that kind of thing. You not be able to isn’t going to make me love you any less. You’ve gotta believe me. . . So just talk to me. I’m begging you.”
