I realise this submission was super late....I’m sorry. Basically.. ( and this is something I can relate to), Oscar get so overexcited on a mission that he starts to have a panic attack.
Midnight. Darkness struck low in the depths of Cambridge, surging into the cracks of their house like dark water. Secret envious things with jealous eyes lingered there, hidden. Bright, hard eyes flickered upon every corner. Every crack, every small gap in the furniture- the cats liked to have free range of the house. The Swedes hadn’t bothered to keep the light on. Typical. Irritated, One of the envious creatures scuttled down from the counter and curled up on the sofa where Oscar usually sat.
The Swedes were out in the dead of night. They pressed their backs against the wall, waiting.... Darkness hugged them like cloaks, trailing warm fingers across their shoulders- it was to be a job well done. They knew so before they even let loose. Surely, Nobody could match their strength.
As footsteps sounded dully across the pavement, Oscar’s eyes glinted with recognition. He resisted the urge to storm in and finish the job then and there, instead letting the anticipation take root inside him, its knots burrowing into his stomach. His fingers tightened on the gun to hide the shaking of his hands. Neither of his brothers had this problem. They couldn’t- wouldn’t- dream of showing any sign of weakness. Of excitement. So he steadied himself and glanced at Axel for confirmation. His brother’s eyes sunk into his skull. Cold as steel. Axel’s gaze flickered to him as he nodded.
Finally! The fires of determination danced in his own eyes. Closer. Closer. The footsteps were louder now. Tap. Tap. Tap. Getting closer. As they drew near, Oscar had to suck in a deep breath to calm himself. His heart thundered against his chest. But it was no use.
Footsteps rounded the corner, his heart hammered like dynamite in his chest. There she was! Go!
Why had he stopped? He had the weapon. He had the ammunition. Axel and Otto were stood behind him, waiting for him to make the first move. Oscar stared hard at the trembling gun in his hand, chest suddenly strung tight with anxiety. The more he realised it, the worse it grew. Tears threatened to bubble down his cheeks. Axel took notice at once, cat eyes flashed as he surged towards their victim, their purpose, snapping his head round to stare at at Otto. The slight tilt of his head said what a thousand words could not, and Otto’s attention snapped to his youngest brother. Axel had it handled.
In front, Oscar pressed himself flat against the wall, shoulders pinned up by his ears. Surely he wasn’t weak... though the twitch of his ragged breaths said otherwise, the sticky trail of nausea ran around his neck, tied with a red thread of anxiety. He couldn’t breathe. Someone had surely drawn that string tight around his neck. It was a noose. He choked in silence until heavy hands clapped down on his shoulders and drew him out of murky waters for just a second.
“Brother, breathe,” His eyes dashed to the worried brow of his oldest brother. But his heart still raced to understand. He had to know. What was wrong with him? Gunshots fired in the distance. A sickening thump. When Axel returned, wiping the blood from his cheek with an old blue rag, He found Oscar in a state, desperately sucking in deep breaths.
“Breathe,” Otto repeated, his fingers rubbing circles across Oscar’s shoulders. The young lad’s cheeks coloured as he shook his head, vigorously .
“C-an’t,” He managed. Every word trembled of its own accord and in that instant, his mind plucked up ‘ Weak’, and ‘pathetic’ and ‘You’ll never be as good as your brothers’. His fist clenched wildly, breaths more frantic by the minute.
It was only when Axel took control that he actually started to calm down. He didn’t know whether it was the murmur of comforting words, the way Axel pushed him gently onto the floor and bade him sink his palms into the cold, hard pavement, . Oscar recoiled a little, but he did as he was told, digging his heels and hands into the ground.
“Now,” Axel murmured, crouched in front of him. Oscar noticed the steel glint of his eyes, lit up from a bright gas lamp on the street,”Is okay..,”
When Oscar didn’t relax, Axel lowered himself onto the cold, hard pavement. He slipped his arm around Oscar’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug, just like when they were children.
Tears sparkled on young Oscar’s cheeks, leaving a glistening slug trail down his neck as he cupped the kitten In his hands. It was a small thing, barely a month old. Oscar had found her in an alleyway. Lost, alone. Where was her mother? With one finger, he stroked the soft baby fur along her back. The kitten leaned into his touch, soft eyes blinking innnocently. A stab of guilt slashed at his heart;She had no idea of her fate. A young Axel slipped round the corner, an irritated sigh already on his lips, but then he stopped.
“You know it will go to good home,”He said, standing in the doorway. His doorway shadow flickered on the wooden floor of the bedroom. But Oscar shook his head and turned to him, tinged pink.
“You don’t know that.” He said, stubbornly, casting his gaze back down to HIS kitten. If Axel would not help, then he would not pay him any mind. Axel sighed heavily and slipped down beside him. Oscar let out an exasperated groan as his brother caught his shoulders and pulled him closer. It was a half hug. Secretly, he didn’t mind it- Axel’s arm was a barrier from the rest of the world, clasped gently around his shoulders, which would occasionally pause to smooth the creases from his jumper, or pluck bits of lint from within scrunched up creases. Since the death of their Mother, Axel had taken up a sort of...Paternal role. Though to call it that would be insanity itself. Fact is, Axel cared more than he let on. When It was needed, he was shoulder to cry on, a voice to listen to. Otto was a shoulder to cry on too, sure, but he generally didn’t trust himself to advise. Didn’t want to get wrapped up in the consequences from dodgy advice.
“We can’t keep her. You know this.”
“But...” Immediately Oscar let out a sound like a dying animal, holding the little creature to his chest. She slipped into the folds of his fleece, curling up against his chest for warmth,”I want to keep her safe..” Axel’s hand rubbed his back.
“If someone else wanted to keep her. Keep her with them, all safe, and she was their kitten, what would you do?” Axel asked,” Would you allow it?”
“Yes...,” Oscar wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve.
“What if that person couldn’t keep her happy? She couldn’t get food, and her only chance of a good life was to go to new home?”
Oscar let out a huge sniff, “Then... I suppose....,”His eyes flew around his bedroom for inspiration, landing on a bar of chocolate- it was rare to come by, and he’d been saving it for a special occasion,”What if the person found a way to get food?”
“It would not be good. Cats cannot eat chocolate,Osk,”
“But..” Oscar despaired, feeling the warm weight of the kitten as she wriggled on his chest, underneath the fleece of his jumper.
“No. She leaves tomorrow,” Axel said, staring at him straight in the eyes,” She will be safe. I promise,”
Oscar’s wide eyes glimmered, and his nose scrunched up, pained. His eyes blurred with tears, and it was the small boy could do but curl into his brother’s chest and sob. The kitten peeked out from within his jumper, curious eyes blinking. Axel lifted her out with one hand, and let Oscar cup her gently, hold her close to him there and then. An hour passed. They stayed there together, and would for at least an hour more. Oscar didn’t want to be alone.
“You got too excited..,” Axel said firmly, pressing his cheek into the top of Oscar’s head. Oscar sighed and leaned against him, chest rising and falling steadily. His throat ached like fire. But it was okay. He, Oscar was okay. The entire time, Otto had been sat across from them, against the opposite wall of the alleyway. His fingers twisted and fiddled with a strand of white hair. He cared. He cared so much. As Axel spoke again, he lifted Oscar’s gun, which had been discarded earlier, onto his lap, hugging it against his chest.
“Has it happened before?”
“Once. You didn’t notice,”
Axel sighed,”Sometimes, I get excited too. But I learned to push it down.,” His fingers rubbed Oscar’s shoulder,” You mustn’t let anxiety control you, Osk,”
