Genre/warnings: Angst, fluff, best friends to lovers, frequent mentions of enlistment (don’t read if this is going to bother you!)
Note: I was hit out of nowhere with the idea for this fic and jotted it down in an evening. My apologies if it sucks 😫 as always, thanks to @bfsubin for proofing this for me, and being my favorite jessibear 💕
You never meant to hurt him. Seungwoo was your best friend. Your constant, your partner in crime, and the only person you would go to with all your secrets, all your fears--except one.
The only fear you’d never been able to bring to him. The fear that his enlistment would mean the end of your friendship, that it would never be the same. He was expected to be gone for a year and nine months, at least. What would you do in the meantime?
You would still be able to text each other, even call in the evenings. But there would be no more getting takeout and having movie nights. No watching him play video games as you listened to music. You wouldn’t get to hear his laugh and see it in realtime.
All of this would be bad enough on its own, but there’s another layer of hurt here. The added pain of keeping in your true feelings for him. Seungwoo is a fairly lighthearted guy--not one to read into the lingering looks you give him. Not one to find it weird when you bring him coffee, but nobody else. Maybe he doesn’t even notice these things.
It doesn’t matter, because he’s going away soon. And he’ll go, not knowing you’ve been burning for him this entire time.
At least, that’s what you thought was going to happen. You could never in a million years drop this information on him, especially considering there was no way he felt the same for you. If you had even an inkling of a suspicion that he might return your feelings, you would tell him. But there was just no way. You’re not that lucky. You would never assume that much of yourself. You would never even think it.
Until one night when you make an offhand comment in front of Seungwoo during a group hangout, and it offends him. He shows it, too, scoffing and staring pointedly at his laptop.
You exchange a confused glance with Seungsik, who looks like he’s physically trying to condense himself into as small a space as possible. Hanse’s eyes are wide and you can tell he’s trying not to say something. What it is, you couldn’t possibly guess.
Your comment was simple-- you mentioned that the guy you’d been talking to from one of your classes asked you on a date this Saturday. Perfectly mundane, you thought, and certainly not deserving of the rude response from your best friend.
You don’t say anything else about it, but the air in the room is tense after that. Sik and Hanse keep looking at each other over their laptops, and Seungwoo won’t look up at all.
Eventually, you close your laptop and announce that you’re going to grab some snacks from the corner store. You’re out of the room and down the hallway before Seungwoo even looks up. He stares at the door for a moment before Hanse delivers a kick to the side of his leg.
“What the hell, Se?” Seungwoo snaps, but Hanse isn’t intimidated in the slightest. He raises his eyebrows as if the point doesn’t even need saying.
“She just wanted to tell you about her friend,” Sik explains, as Seungwoo scoffs, “and you were rude!”
“She’s the one that’s going on a date the day after I leave!”
Seungsik and Hanse exchange knowing looks. Seungwoo immediately realizes how that sounded, and tries to explain himself.
“I’m her best friend, and she’s acting like I’m not even leaving. Like it isn’t a big deal.”
“You need to talk to her about it. Seems like there might be some things you’re not saying to each other?” Seungsik tries to nudge Seungwoo in the right direction, but the man isn’t good at taking hints--clearly.
Hanse is a little less patient, and smacks him on the shoulder.
“Ow! What--”
“Paboya? Go after her!”
Seungwoo just looks at them, mouth open, holding his shoulder. Seungsik jerks his head in the direction of the door, and Seungwoo finally gets up.
After he’s out behind you, the boys look at each other. There’s no telling how this conversation might go down. But one thing is for certain-- it needs to happen.
...
“Hey, wait for me,” Seungwoo calls to you a moment later. You’re surprised to hear his voice, so you slow your pace long enough for him to catch up to you. It’s a cool evening, with the sun long gone below the horizon.
“It’s not safe for you to walk alone at night,” Seungwoo says, his voice stern. You roll your eyes, folding your arms.
“Oh, now you’re concerned about me?”
“I’m always concerned about you.” You’re not looking at him, but you know Seungwoo well enough to imagine his expression right now.
“And I’m not going to be around much longer to walk you places.”
“I think I can manage without you,” you snap, not thinking about how it would sound to him. Seungwoo’s response is instant and bitter.
“Yeah, seems like you already are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You demand, coming to a stop on the sidewalk. The orange glow of city lights on the water next to you is the only source of light around but you can tell Seungwoo’s face has darkened.
You can tell he doesn’t want to say it, but he does anyway.
“You’re going out with some guy the day after I’m enlisting.”
His words dissolve into the air as you try to think of an adequate response. All you can manage is a weak, “So?”
Seungwoo looks confused, like he thought everything would be crystal clear after his lone statement. But you’re not one to assume, and you’re certainly not about to let him off the hook for his attitude.
“I just thought that, with me leaving…” he trails off lamely, feeling embarrassed to even think it. You’re getting frustrated, though, and finish for him.
“What, you thought I’d go into mourning?”
“No! Well--”
“Snoo, you’re my best friend, and you’re leaving. For two years! What am I supposed to do exactly?”
Seungwoo winces at the mention of your friendship, his fingers twitching at his sides. He still can’t bring himself to look at you.
“You think it isn’t going to suck without you? That I won’t be thinking about you when I’m hanging out with anyone else?”
You’re raising your voice without meaning to. But you’re so frustrated, and desperate--why won’t he just fucking look at you?
“Do you think I’m not worried sick about you, or us being friends? Like what if it’s just not the same when you get back? Or we stop talking while you’re gone?”
“That’s not going to happen,” he answers, his voice sharp.
“How do you know?”
“Because I won’t let it. You’re always going to be in my life.”
“I don’t know, Seungwoo. You’re going to be in a new city, making new friends, probably meeting loads of new girls--”
Seungwoo finally, finally, looks up at you.
“What-- Why would you say that?”
“The same reason you got pissy when I said I was going on a date,” you muttered, just loud enough for him to hear. Seungwoo’s eyes widen, and he looks away again. But you’re not going to let him avoid you, or the problem, any longer.
“Look at me,” you demand. He does.
“What am I supposed to do?” Your voice cracks when you repeat yourself. Seungwoo takes a slow step towards you, his hands leaving his sides.
“Do you think I really want to go out with someone? Do you think I’m gonna want to leave the house at all, when you go?”
Seungwoo is right in front of you, his hands coming up to your elbows. You reach up and touch his shirt without thinking.
“I don’t want to be that far away from you,” you breathe. Seungwoo’s face is painted with a mixture of concern and relief. Concern because you’re hurting, and that breaks his heart. Relief because he knows there’s more than one way to say I love you.
And then he’s kissing you.
Seungwoo’s hands rise to your face, cradling you as his lips cover yours. He’s sweet and gentle, and everything about the simple action feels like coming home.
You hold onto his forearms and kiss him back, eventually threading a hand through his hair. Tears wet both your faces, but they don’t matter anymore. Nothing else matters anymore. Not your date, not the years of pent-up tension, not the future, not anything.
When you part the kiss, Seungwoo holds you close. His lips brush over yours just slightly, and your noses bump. You feel lighter than feathers, still hanging on to him for fear that you might float away.
“I can promise you right now,” Seungwoo breathes, “I haven’t gone a single day for over a year without being in love with you.”
You chuckle, blinking away the last few tears. Seungwoo kisses you again briefly, and smiles for the first time all evening.
“And I’m not going to spend a single day away not being in love with you.”
You’re breathless but you beam up at him, hands resting on his shoulders. His words don’t seem real--this entire moment feels too good to be true.
“Promise?” Is all you can say. Seungwoo nods, grinning.
“Promise. Now can we get those snacks and go back? The guys are gonna be so proud.”
You laugh and take his hand.
The two of you talk as you walk, discussing what this means and how it’s going to work. It seems like a foregone conclusion that you’ll talk every day and visit when you can, no matter where he’s stationed after training.
You buy chips and candy, and return to the dorms. Though you don’t discuss things with the others, it’s obvious that you worked things out. The tension is gone, replaced by easy conversation and snacking. Seungsik and Hanse both smile at you over their laptop screens.
Eventually, they both say their goodnights, leaving you and Snoo to yourselves. He yawns and asks you if you’re tired. When you nod, he hesitates before speaking.
“Would you maybe want to sleep over? Not like that, or anything, just… we don’t have a lot of time, you know?”
“I’d love to,” you answer. He smiles and takes your hand, leading you to his room. He gives you one of his shirts, telling you to keep it in the morning, and turns around while you change.
Seungwoo insists on laying down first, so you can clamber in after and immediately snuggle up to him. You do so without complaint, still in disbelief at how things turned out.
You had been right without meaning to be. Your relationship with Seungwoo wouldn’t be the same. But you never could have dreamed it would be for love, and not loss.
Sure, you would be losing him in a way. But not right now. Right now, his arms are around you, and he’s smiling into your hair. Probably halfway to sleep already. His shirt smells nice--the fabric is warm and soft on your face. You relax into Seungwoo and try to imagine a day two years from now.
When you’re jumping into his arms, and he’s twirling you around like he does. When he can come home with you and never have to leave again.
I hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for reading, and check back in soon for more :)
“Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder.”
― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe
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